THE PARASITE-SPICH WIPPER-SNAPPER

what's up bloggy ;p

ahahhaa. how has 2011 been for me...

sure got the highs and the lows...

if there's such a word to describe everyday life, it's "grappling"...

it's just really funny how things usually turn out in people's lives.

the highs...good relationship with parents, good bestfriend, good grades.
.i've always been missing my folks wherever i go. i always worry about their health, their well-being. i know how lonely my mum and dad get. and i know how much they miss us...i guess that's how you are when you're much more of a homebody than your bro, you know how the people you love, move; how your parents feel. and i make sure i have good communication with them : D
my dad's an easy person to talk to especially if you're gonna ask for a necessity...we've been brought up not to be too materialistic. although my bro didn't adapt that ;p so anyhooo, i told dad my 5-year lappy Compaq is going off soon and that i'm having trouble using it with my school works. he immediately started asking me what specs i wanted and giving me links but told me not to keep my hopes up to get a new one cuz he's jobless and we're not rich enough to easily acquire one. well, long story short, i got my Lenovo U400 ; ) who would've thought i'd be getting a new one? ;p my mum's been eager to get me a table since she visited me when she came back on October and experienced eating on bed. tahha. my parents are just the best, giving me everything i need, to the extent of buying the things in SG and sending them all by cargo. hahaha. adik. i love my folks, period
.well, my childhood wish for a bestfriend came true...and at such a good timing that i'm away from home and into an estranged place. her guidance on things i do here helps alot. i thank you ella bez. ; D i love my bestfriend not cuz of the help she offers, but the kind of friend i've always wanted to have since young. the kind who'll play the swing with you at the playground while eating ice cream and talk about anything crazy ;) that's the kind ella is ;) my soul sistah...she absorbs my insanity acts; from depressions, academic ineptness, hyperness to farting & showing her my ear, eye & nose dirt fresh from their ovens. ; p
and i know that may it be a few or many years down the road we'll still have adventures and whatnot that bestfriends do til we perish...right tosh?! muah! i love you! : D
.well, i'm forcing myself to do good in school [with the help of ella..., thanks tosh for all the help] for the goals i have for my folks...so this year, those are the grades i got for two sems...i dedicate 'em and my studies to my folks ;) [details blocked for protection]

the lows...financial trials, loss of friends, love relationship.
.so yeah...since Dad left DPA after 12years, he hasn't gotten a fixed/regular job yet. always a temp few-month job since i left for phils...so, sigh...tough like this...just wish he'll still be working til at least i've graduated and gotten a REGULAR stable job myself. =/ it's sucky that already we're far away from one another, what more with him being jobless and prone to sickness, and always a worrywart along with Mum? well, i'm still thankful that Mum and Dad are there together with their tenants...at least they're not so lonely when they get home, fagged from work and worry about us 24/7...i'm also thankful that Dad still manages to patch holes up even if they're only good temporarily..it's better than nothing. just hate the fact that they lose their appetites most of the time just trying to keep the money for bro and i...so yeah. and how relatives would always ask from us like we're rich people...the net pay my folks get are just enough for us to survive for 30days, sometimes not even. if i'll be successful, fret not, i'll give a whole lot back to society..but if i know things won't be enough, that's when i'll focus on my priorities FIRST. i pray my folks will still work til i graduate before they totally become jobless.
.so i guess every year, we lose contact with people we used to be close with - friends. the treasurer that i am, hurts me to have to bear with losing closeness, communication with friends and even losing them. but yeah, life's cruel and unfair. so...move on! tahha. like it's that easy for a soft-boiled lass like me. sigh. but the soft-hearted that i am doesn't make me a chaser...dunno why. i just don't see the point of pushing myself to people who don't give a damn 'bout me. so if you want out...i'll stand back and that's that. so whatev...

.hmm, i hate it when my parents are affected by things they're aware of about me. just before prelims Dad and i were discussin' about the laptop, and unexpectedly,

"dadz:kasi,,,drop-by si tto alex mo sa mother niya first,,,then sa clark final destination niya,,,
dadz:ok pa ba kayo ni donski???
[o.0 like *BOOM* somethin' heavy just dropped on my heart but of course to lessen his worries, i said] Jo:opo.baket po?
dadz:nag chat2 pa ba kayo???
[O.0 *dang* i thought he was satisfied...anyway, i replied and asked the same question...]
Jo:opo
Jo:hahah
Jo:baket po
dadz:wala lang,,,
dadz:kepo,,,what???
Jo:wahahahhaha
dadz:concerned lang,,,,
dadz:<ding>
Jo:concerned daw ohhh
dadz:tulala ka na naman,,,huh?
Jo:tulala san po
dadz:kay donski,,,,
Jo:wat do u mean po?
dadz:teasing lang,,,,
Jo:kulit ni dad ;p
dadz:kiligs lang ako,,,i imagine noong ma-inlove ako???"...

then he started sharing about his lovelife with mummy and how much he loves her til now...i've always idolized their love and how my relatives and other people would always say how good my parents are to us despite the wacko shiznits my bro and i put em thru. that's just how much my parents wanna depict what love is. they depict it very well. not perfect, but good enough for us to pick up so many things from.
anyway, that wasn't the only time Dad asked me that question...a few times and even on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, asked if he called...and i just responded that he greeted me on YM...

i ended 2010 single, with a banging squall [when i got dumped for the first time]...began 2011 single i ended 2011 single. ouh and i'm starting 2012 single as well.
i thought i'm such a heroine...i can make a good relationship [if not a perfect one] with someone.

y'know...havin' learned from friends and family's so-called 'mistakes'...but ouhwell, no matter how much you invest your everything on something, if you're not getting what you invested on in return, then too bad...i invested love, trust ON love and trust on everything else, time and all things else to make the relationship work..but to no avail.

the good part of it is that, i know for myself i've become a better person and most definitely not the quitter i used to be. i can guarantee that i loved so much i didn't quit on us, that i was willing to sacrifice so many things for better future cuz i was NOT selfish enough just to be where i'm at now and be deciding and doing whatever for my own future. cuz my abrupt decision back in 2009, was NOT just for my own and my family. but my future with someone too.

so yeah, people make mistakes cuz we just humans. and God forgives and tells us to change for the better & He never leaves our side. so, instead of gettin' mad and quittin' on me, He guides me the right path.

we all have our shortcomings, but quitting on somethin' and falling out of it are two different things. you quit on it and NEVER go back. 'quit' is a forever thing. 'falling out of' something can let you get back up on track...now because i became soft-hearted on the last two relationships...i don't believe i deserve to be walked out on and just let you come back whenever you feel like it. whoa! i'm not a craving where you can get it when you want it and have it then just leave it hangin' when you've gotten sick of it.

stupid love...all those twitterpation people make other people feel. hypocrisy of showing only the good side, deceiving the other just to get what you want. and when you finally get it, your true colours unveils and abuses the other's emotions. sigh...i feel uber sorry fo myself that i came so cheap, givin' in after just 2 months of courtship. i know i'm not someone so special and treasure-able enough but does that mean i can't have dignity?

because of love on this relationship, i got hurt, because of that love, i see men as assholes. cuz of that love, i don't see me with any other; no matter how sweet and adorable they are to me. cuz of that love, i don't see sincerity in guys' eyes anymore. no, i don't believe modernness has something to do with the change of courtship. because of technology, people got lazier and more impatient with things. they always expect things to be instant...then get sick of things in an instant as well. i've been slapping myself to stop being so nice...ugh!

when i hear compliments from both girls and guys even after seeing my daftness, i asked why, and they say i'm different, i got standards. ---- eh??? made me think why i got dumped lotssa times by the same guy if that is so...then i disagreed.

heart = trust. you want my heart, earn it. love = patient. you're the impatient kind? then fuck off. i don't need people who'll keep walkin' outta my life and come back whenever the fuck they want. you think i got low class, go look for someone with a higher class and make you fall head over heels in love with her. i am done being dumped...it hurts so bad i think of unfit situations.

but i've told myself, this fucking is it, enough is enough. first of all, he was NEVER my type. but i gave in and took the risk of gettin' involved with him to see how things would go - i gave myself a chance to love and be loved again because he really seemed like a very good guy. and because i wasn't attracted to him, i gave myself 2 months...but amazingly, it lasted for 2 years plus. he's seen my ugly sides from the start of his courtship. he stole me from a guy i was dating - who was almost gonna get into a fight with him in public. his efforts to gain my trust on him made me fall for him. and i fell. we were revealed to my folks by my cousins when i was already here in the phils. so he celebrated our first anniversary by meeting my folks for the first time, even without my presence and was so eager to change the facebook's relationship status after. he visited me here 8months after we were apart. he met my relatives, and they love him til now. and the year after that, especially my transfer to Lyceum, things started to crumble down. but i was already so in-love that i stooped so low and told him to fight for us. he did. then after his last visit here was the start of the corrosion. just by one mistake i did, lying about a small thing, everything smeared. the first dump i received, hurt so bad it was too much for me to handle. i went back there and we both asked for forgiveness and wanted me back. i knew he was the impatient kind [quit due to hopelessness, and won't stay to win the challenge], so i gave in again and we both felt stupid after realizing we rushed on our decision. so that second dump happened cuz he didn't feel much anymore. but few hours later, he withdrew his words and wanted to work things out again. *What The Fuck* well maybe if he hadn't dumped me in the first place, i'd still be in love. but when you get wounded and scarred by the same person, you feel like it's not the old you anymore. i felt so fucking low of myself, i had to do some soul searching. i needed time off to think and find who i really am and who i am to people. already i warned him i may not be able to be so KIND enough to respond to his sorry-efforts [which wasn't much of an effort..] but he promised he'll wait NO MATTER WHAT. wow, i've heard that so many times already, it's become a cliche. and in the end, he just ignores his "no matter what" shinit. i've been so kind to giving in even if i haven't fully healed from his cruelty cuz i know he might get tired of waiting. whoa. i didn't know i can be a martyr as well. all i wanted was to find myself and he couldn't wait anymore. to what extent was your effort, boy? you're only effortful in the beginning. texting me everyday, that stopped. what? you only relied on ym and expect me to always be online. whatever happened to email? sms? letter? maybe i wasn't worth your "effort".
just to share, my cousin, JB and Ecko...they weren't together yet when they guy broke his promise of waiting for her...he had a GF and left JB hanging...he came back and absorbed lotssa criticisms from our cousins before JB could forgive what he did. he went through a series of obstacles in that small needle just to regain her trust. he never stopped til he got her trust back. and now they're doing well. Ecko's still waiting for her to graduate[he's been waiting for 4 years now] before they can become official.
and i thought our love was better than theirs. even everybody thought it was. but i was fucking wrong.
maybe he got tired and he wanna be practical...why wait for someone who's so far away? maybe he wants to be with another...someone better, someone who can give him all his desires...but why? won't i come back in the end? tsktsktsk, how self-centred. what he feels, he decides, and the rest don't matter. it's really hard to be with an autocratic. so there.
the hardest is, being in a new place alone, without the people you love most...building new relationships and interacting with new people, new environment and all you needed from the people you left behind was love, patience, trust and moral support. but i was left behind.

i don't know how he was taught to love. his parents seem to have a good relationship. but yeah well. i've said more than enough. just a few weeks of silence and he gave up. what about the first time he dumped me? i had to endure the silent-treatment for how many weeks and months? hmm, for the motherfucking last time, i'm expecting him to say all those hurtful words to my face again when i go back there. he got the courage and balls to dump me so many times cyber-ly, without physical presence, i'm sure he can do it face-to-face. he started this relationship with the cheek to ask me face-to-face, he better end it that way. he better show me his beautiful facial expressions, and body gestures. for the last time, i'm asking him to do this in the proper manner. face me, eye-to-eye and tell me we are through.

good relationships don't just happen. they take time, patience and two people who TRULY wanna be together. LOVE is not about texting every minute or communicating everyday..it's about TRUSTING each other that you won't do anything stupid while you're not together. no successful relationship is made easy. Prayer, Strength, Forgiveness, Love & Trust will help assist you in keeping a solid foundation. the virtue of love is not to find the perfect person..but to love the imperfect person PERFECTLY. in life, people come and go - only those who STAY are worth your love, care, attention and time. LOVE is not about finding the right person..it's about creating the RIGHT relationship..it's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end..
Sometimes you just have to keep quiet, if you really mean something to them, they'll feel the lost and find you..if not, don't bother either.

an excerpt from Women, From A Guy Who Loves One by Akoposijayson on Thursday, 5 January 2012 at 03:20:
"1. Ang mga babae, madaldal/mabunganga - Oo, wala talagang tigil ang bibig nila sa pag-rachada sa kakasalita. Lalo na sa tuwing pinapaalala nila sayo na oras na para inumin ang iyong gamot, kapag nagtatanong sila kung kumain ka naba, kapag ginigising ka nila sa umaga upang hindi ma-late at yayaing mag-almusal, at sa mga pagkakataong nag-aalala sila sayo at tinatanong kung nasaan kana. Walang duda. Madaldal nga. Hayaan mo na, balang araw, siguro magbabago din sila. Tipong maririnig mo lang e "Oo", "Hindi" at "Pwede". Para kayong naglalaro ng Pinoy Henyo. Romantic siguro ng buhay niyo nun.

2. Ang mga babae, masyadong sentimental - Sinabi mo pa. Tandang tanda nga nila ang petsa at lugar kung saan kayo unang nag date, isinulat niya din sa kanyang diary kung ano ang mga ginawa niyo, nakatago at ingat na ingat siya sa mga larawan ninyong dalawa, daig pa niya ang Smithsonian sa pag-aalaga ng mga iniregalo mo at kahit kailan di niya nalilimutan ang mga importanteng okasyon tulad ng anniversary, monthsary, weeksary o birthday mo. Nakaka-inis ba? Ok lang yan, malay mo next time, hindi na siya ganun. Tipong i-aasa nalang niya sa Facebook ang pag-alala ng iyong kaarawan. Tapos tamang post nalang sa wall mo ng "hapi bday".

3. Ang mga babae, emosyonal - They cry about movies. They get teary with a romantic novel. They blush and gasp upon seeing a picture of a cute dog or cuddly baby. Bakit ba ganun sila? Buti nalang tayo hindi. Kinikimkim lang natin lahat ng emosyon sa loob hanggang sa sumabog at atakihin sa puso o di naman kaya e magpapakalasing tapos magwawala at maghahamon ng thumb wrestling. Di ba mas logical yun? At bakit ba gusto nila laging pag-usapan ang mga nararamdaman ng bawat isa? Madalas pa mag-imagine na ikakasal kayo. Laging nag a-iloveyou, i miss you, take care at mwah mwah sa text o IM. Asar ka naba at nako-cornyhan? Ayos lang yan. Darating din siguro ang time na titigil siya. At ise-send ang mga yun sa iba.

Women are probably the greatest gift to men, from God, besides beer and sizzling sisig. At para sakin, women deserve all advantages, lalo na sa pag-ibig. Sana lahat ng babae ay maging masaya ang love life. Sana, walang babaeng heart-broken. Kasi, tayong mga lalake, we're meant to pursue them and it's ok if we fail from time to time. It's the way nature intended it. Gaya ng paghabol ng isang leon sa usa o pag-ikot ng earth sa paligid ng araw. Mas ok kung tayo nalang yung masaktan. E sila? Isipin mo, nagkakaroon sila ng "dalaw" at nababaliw kada buwan, nabubuntis at maghihirap ng 9 months, at pinaka matindi sa lahat, kailangan pa nilang panatilihing makinis at walang buhok ang kanilang mga kili-kili. Ano ba naman pasayahin sila at gawing "scar-free" ang kanilang buhay pagibig.

And if you are with a great gal, do everything to make her happy. Don't ever break her heart. Wag kang magpa-uto sa mga statistics, na nagsasabing, mas marami ang babae sa lalake, kaya ok lang mang-chiks. Ano pa bang gusto mo? Hindi paba sapat na minahal ka niya sa kabila ng iyong pagiging engot at kawalan ng romantic DNA sa katawan? Malaki man ang populasyon nila sa mundo, napaka-liit ng tsansang makakilala ka ulit ng tulad niya. Na magtya-tiyaga sayo.

Tandaan, pansamantala ka mang maakit ng naglalakihang pulang high-heels o maaarteng makintab na sandals, mas masarap paring umuwi sa nag-iisang tsinelas ng buhay mo."

i would've laid it off...had you not left me unnecessarily.

in ire i still am...

for you promised to never scathe me like my past did...

yet you wound up trashing me back to the garbage you picked me up from.

you gave me hope...yet you destroyed it.

two-weeks-in-the-making post.

25/12/11 @ 03:58 - 08/01/12 @ 13:10

freaking bummer. my wisdom tooth's bugging me again - at the wrong time! damnit. it's makin me not accomplish anything at all! since the other day. the pain is so torturous, all it makes you do is rest it off ;'( unintentionally.

i wasn't able to submit the help tosh was seeking from me on time...sigh. i wasn't able to study for my Trigo quiz so i did not get to answer anything at all. a BIG FAT zero. had i known, i wouldn't have attended the stupid class and just rested the pain off sumor. i was able to run some errands after the stupid class; @ Walter, withdrew for my supposedly-electricity-bill [only to know the bill will be comin' next week], attempted to buy medz for my damn toothache [they didnt have it so i went home, changed to my slippers, went to my laundrywoman's place and told her to get someone to just deliver the clothes to my place then went SM withdrew and paid for my Net bill, bought medz then went home, bought food, ate, drank medz...still no use...haiz...not surprised if i'll fail my stupid Finals. damn all the Final projects and exam. BIG DAMN. *blah blah blah*

HAPPY 10th ToshBosh.

THE PARASITE-SPICH WIPPER-SNAPPER

Saturday 7 July 2012

for everything that has happened and is happening...

Saturday 31 March 2012

bump, bump, bump

Wednesday 29 February 2012

JM

Saturday 4 February 2012

Friday 20 January 2012

formspring.me

Tuesday 10 January 2012

only an underdog.

Sunday 8 January 2012

2011

Thursday 1 December 2011

hello to the start of Back to December.

Friday 14 October 2011

damn whatever...

Monday 10 October 2011

accept..someone...

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