feed me with love

Emm...
Happy Thanksgiving.
Turkeyless.
in fact, no celebration at all.
work work work -_-
but anyways, it really isnt a catholic event.

i did, however spend the day with the class. i think its our third official class outing, while its my first; since i missed the first class movie outing and the chalet. ahee. as i dont like changes, im still known for being a ditch-er. although i didnt today, coz actually some ditched us, saying theyre goin, theyre goin and ultimately, they had other plans. o_~ i already know how it feels like being ditched. although its fun when i ditch people, lol. it sucks to be me. hmm, im pleased to see that there are some improvements among the quiet and timid ones in the class. though i feel that some are still reluctant to join and are aloof with the rest, or maybe just towards me? haha! i should break their ices harder! and deeper! lol. deeper bebeh, deeper! nyahahahaha!

on to the 7th week of 2nd sem, and im already detesting school! well, since first week, frankly speaking. all because of networking. fucking module. nothing ever goes into my head. ive nothing against gremars teaching nor esthers; the problem lies with me. i dont know why my brain just dont wanna save the informations being fed or downloaded into me. its... shtewpedd! and visual basic too! the only lesson im enjoying is computing maths. omg! puhleeeze dont fail me on that one! im loving it, so dont ruin my joy! and to think, im plannin to take networking in my second year! and already, my performance is doin disappointingly unsatisfactorily! and at the rate were goin, from having to know the smallest part of the computer to making it run, is really makin me go berserk with all the sheyts about computers! time is really passing soooo fucking fast and the lecturers are just teaching for the sake of teaching, making sure theyre either ahead - or on time with the schedule, not bothering whether or not, we fucking dig their every word is driving me insanely off the deep end! its whats makin me slack, lose interest, fall off track and divert my time into something i enjoy more. i get either so lethargic or restless. ugh! i feel i really need to repair my own computer; upgrade my RAM, flash bios, and processor. i feel like im still running on a celeron. sigh.

subtly exposed

something ive always thought im obliged to share my feelings about years ago never happened and wont ever. since ive blown all my rights to speak out about that matter; which i so firmly opposed to and still do, yet i am forever bounded by and shorn of that right. and i loathe myself for breaking my principle. and i know that even if i express contrition, it would not restore the right i once proudly owned and could shout out to the world. i have become a whited sepulcher to those whom ive concealed the veracity from. and most likely, even if against my will, will i have to uphold it and bring to my grave; with only a couple of hominids being aware of the fact. i am still in uncertainty if they have not leaked out any information about the shared secrecy. for i have sworn to be the soul of your discretion to anybody regardless the acquaintanceship of either parties. my only demand is you do the same.

beside you

its tough to lose someone who took care of you, saw you grow up and loved you so much. i do not like going through that; cuz it makes you weakens and it sometimes makes you sink. OUR STRENGTH IS OUR WEAKNESS AND OUR WEAKNESS IS OUR STRENGTH. theyre where you obtain your strength from when youre at your weak point but its also where your weakness comes from. i very much envy you people; for your relatives are just here with yall. when someone passes on, you can be with them til their very end. while i, through their hard times til their very last breath til theyre buried, the urge and desire that i have, to be with them, i cannot get. just because we are apart. but its also why i can let go easily; the distance and time for us both wasnt there. i do not like seeing people take their loved ones for granted because if only i could steal away their opportunity to be with their loved ones, i would. although, me moving on easily makes me feel guilty; just because i wasnt with them, while i talk to the people who were with them still grieving. from the time i came here til now, ive lost 5 immediate family members and none of which, gave me the chance to see them off, which made me move on easily, which i think, made my cousins think i wasnt taking it seriously, which made me have guilty conscience.

ouh well, nuff of the loquaciousness.
i can see you try to smile, suppressing the tears. and im happy you can do that. you being a guy, i was heartened when you said its extremely hard to accept that shes gone. i may not say much and the silence really makes me feel the sadness youre going through. like yijuan said, we are here for you.

i feel your tight embrace in the cold night, saying everything is alright

within half an hour of my last post, i "friended" back with MOM and DAD. but i still am NOT gonna clean up their mess. hmph! i refuse to. because it took me almost 3days to get it all done. and they just "abolished" it. awww-mah-gaaah!!!

anyway.
jurong east.
that place is pretty stamped-in-my-memory. so many things happened in that place. with a few people. its just funny how weird it feels to go to a place you had memories in and you start reminiscing [when youre at that place at that time]. especially when you seldom go to that place or youve only been there for a couple of times, the recollection is pretty much more clearer or you can even remember, if not all, almost everything that happened in that place. lol. i wasnt actually reminiscing. not even for the past few days. it just came to my mind like that then *poof*, gone. but a month ago, yeah. and i miss the people ive hung out with there.

on a lighter note, Philippine National Basketball team vs Singapore's score: 90—42 today. weeeee. ouh well, filos are good in basketball. like singapore is in soccer. so just imagine SG vs Phil in soccer, haha. the scores gonna be the other way round. ouh well, good game, kababayans.

thank you mom for fixin my fav bag. no thank you [mom n dad] for messin up me boudoir! and i hate kuya for not helping with the house chores, just because hes still in NS; he washes his own clothes all by himself there and hes so tired when he comes home and he just "misses" our helping him and yaddayaddayadda, ergo, we have to do it for him... -_- stupidest excuse that makes you go ~_o when you hear it. o-m-g! yea, true you rarely come home, yet all you do is dirty and mess the place we all friggin clean everyday! when youre supposed to be home, you go out, leave a huge mess and only come home when were all asleep and when we wake up, youre gone again. like wtf. if my NS friends can still help around the house, i dont see why you cant; you lazy, self-centered, squanderer, son of our mom! U-G-H! and all we ask for is cooperation, and my everlasting gifts! yea! i deserve gifts for doing your chores man! you fucking suck, brother! urgh!

*phew*. there. just needed to vent my rage for my animosity in my supposedly-yet-oppositely big brother whom i should say his world revolves around NS, girlfriend and self-luxurious life. i strongly feel he hasnt been a big brother and a son for years, yet mom and dad cant bear to punish him or leave him be; at least financially, even if he takes advantage of it.
gee, i sound so cruel. but its just how i feel. i just feel like putting him in a squatter area in the phils so he can learn how to make use of his time and money worthwhile.

o-m-g. i think i sound so the jiejie/kakak/ate there! ahee! right? right? right? :)

ouh geez...

sigh. its a pity how much you put in so much effort in your friendship when you dont get any in return. i guess the problem is that, with all the friendships we all have been through, weve been sort of like traumatized by the bad incidences so like, the trust that we have for our friends kinda depletes. which is also brought forward when we meet new ones. ouh well. its really hard to find real friends even if you love each other. loving each others not enough. saying the words i love you is not enough. how can you say you love them when the simple things like sharings, you cant even do? you even try to HIDE or deny. aint that sick? and the worst thing is, you label your friendship as something special. shtewpid fake people. cut the fucking crap man. there are friends who have been a very loyal friend to their friends and they help whenever they fucking can. and the simple thing they ask for in return, is also your trust, you cant even give. like its a one-sided trust. its shtewped when you tell a friend youve lost trust in the rest and that person is the only one you trust. but the way you act is as if you dont fully trust him/her too, even when you said you do? gosh. you have some issues man. like when he/she opens up and then when he/she feels somethings wrong with you, you shut him/her out like he/shes a nobody. geez. get a life.

youre holding it

i remember a few years ago i wanted a boyfriend/husband to be a chef. bcoz i didnt know - and well, still dont know how to cook, so i needed someone who will for me! ahee! and so many friends have been offering to do that. awww. how sweet. shaka. and the cool thing is, its all just a coincidence that they all said the same thing at the same time. incredible. im stoked at what my life would look like. what my husband is gonna be. how he looks like. what he does. waaaaaah. im thinkin too far ahead. ahee. but of course. cooool uuuuh. if ever i marry a chef, hes to be a sexy one. masculine and all. fooo! just like chef mito. haha. wooo. derek ramsey baby! hmmm, so far the closest derek ramsey i have is kristian garcia, my surfer "boifriend". awww. kris is gonna finish his psychology studies soon. ahee. i cant wait for the time i finish my studies so i can travel on my own without any escorts in the phils so i can go on my adventure with krissy! yey! geez. enough of fantasizing my future. i have like almost a decade to go before i fucking graduate. how sick. i hate this place larr. if only dad really kept his promise to go canada to continue our high school onwards. sigh. ouh well. whats dones done. live with it jo! ahee.

nostalgia

gee-whee, i sounded pretty dumb at my last post. very dumb.
its just that in this kind of work, im used to being just the member; being told what to do. well, whatever the whatever, i told myself i want to be a more responsible person, being able to handle both myself and my team, so i hope i can make this lil project work. its really not that big of a deal. but since i havent touched on this side of my personality and growth for a long time, ill make it that big of a deal. at least for myself. lol. [serious sia joanne] and yah i just HOPE that those four people will co-operate uh. if not, ill cry buckets and pails and containers and vessels of - whatever.

sigh.
i feel sooo. . .rigid at school now. because when i want to go crazy, i cant. because the people there arent like me. haha. i mean, i just miss 5/1. i cant get loud because i cant find someone to go really really frantic with, besides yi juan, whom i guess would sometimes find me "weird". haha! so i just try to shut the fuck up whenever i feel like letting loose. i get noisy for a few seconds then will eventually die down, which makes me feel and become even weirder...ahee. sigh.

and if you observe, time has really been passing by so fast i feel i cant keep up. it seemed like, just a few weeks or months ago, we were all stoked about our then-upcoming grad night, talking bout the event, concentrating more on the night rather than the big Os. the times when everybody were gan chiongs enough to window-shop for their dresses/suits; for as early as may/june [6months before the night].
**snap back to reality** its the near end of 2007. gawsshhh.

i just miss everybody. i miss being a kid. i miss being scolded by teachers. i miss eating ice cream in the playground. i miss running around the school compound. i miss visiting our dental clinic for regular checkups. i miss writing slam books/diaries. i miss the boyband times. i miss the "you friend her? i dont friend you!" times. and once again, i miss my bloody old bestfriend. if theres a wish i could wish for right at this moment, itd be to take me back to that time and just live it all over again so this time i can cherish the moments better. and to also make amendments to whatever it is i should have not done at all.

gee, i just hate moments like this. the emoting moments -_-

kaaa-ching!

hmmm...
something to rant about.
im not really complaining - but i totally objected to becoming one leader of a group, for a few judicious, reasonable reasons.
one. i havent handled one in ages
two. im not INTO being one - at all
three. im irresponsible [i cant handle no sheyt]

only one thing came to my mind when they chose me; they all dont want the responsibility and since i was the oldest among em, they found someone they can dump the responsibility or "dependence" on. tahha. but on a lighter note, im just tellin myself, leader=just a name/position; dont really have to tell em what to do, thats a whole load of crap. and yah, if ever do, itll be a good thing for me. but nah, prolly wont. im too laid back to become a real fucking leader, tahha. ill just roll my eyes non stop. @_@ actually i was laffing inside. i was like, jojo? me? leader? MUAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHA! okaye. thats just lame. -_-
not that ive never been a leader, im just used to being a leader who just "shake-leg", haha! just relek-one-korner! yah, well, in other words, a useless leader. wakakaka. well, well see if i change. i did warn em, but they said they "dont care". theyre prolly used to havin "heck-care" leaders.

geez. well, its great catching up with wier. ol times. mutual feeling over the people in yfc. lol. whatever them.

gaaaaah! and one more thing, i feel like... hahha! actually i cant explain what it is either. sheeeeez! like eff sia. *blushes* aheeee.
ouhkaye,
uber aaand out!

patience

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENNDY!

hmmm...again, it was brought up by mom after brunch.
it started with me sharin bout how my friend whos in MI and i are gonna somehow meet in uni around the same time; because hes graduatin on the end of 2009 while i, on april 2009. hes goin ns before uni while i, poly then uni. i then mentioned how ns was a somewhat disadvantage for guys. and suddenly she just blurted how careless i was wasting time and money [me being in ite that is]. that pissed me so i "defended" myself and told her that if i was literally really wasting time and money in this two years in ite, then what would become of me later? isnt that an "even more" waste than "it already is"? so she meant that me being in ite is a waste of time and money? so what about the knowledge im getting? the things im learning now? am i wasting my time doin all that? i really am making full use of my time and money in ite yknow. i admitted that yes, i became over confident in sec school and somehow my overconfidence brought me here in ite to teach me to keep my feet on the ground even if i do well at certain times. you see, mom always has high hopes for me. and just because she was used to me always doin well, rarely makin mistakes [in general], that it is so hard for her to accept that ive fallen. since pri school, she knew i could excel but i didnt because of my overconfidence. sometimes it makes me think if shes ashamed of me being in ite. sheesh. i know before, i told myself i will not step into ite because i know i could do better than going there but when i got here, it changed my views of ite. yea, all the secondary students and teachers and the whole singapore think that ite is that bad because of the people who are in it. i agree, i somewhat dreaded comin here because of peoples characters that we all mostly see in public. but there arent any of such here in dover and im grateful for that. i dont know about the other campuses but here in dover, the people i see arent the people i expected to be, because here, they have hopes of moving forward. now thats what gave me a chance to get up again. ite is not bad at all if thats what you people think.

well anyway, on the contrary, i do know what mom meant by wasting time and money. she is afraid that we may not be able to graduate from uni because they cannot promise that they will still have their jobs at that time. yes, we are permanent residents here and yes, they both have pretty good jobs but i know, we are still foreigners. meaning, they can still hire a local rather than keeping them because they prioritize their citizens. i know that. its what fears me too. and the thought of me working to save some money so i could somehow help them isnt in their favour because as much as possible, they dont want me to work while i study and if i work, theyd rather i be in office than serving people. geez. so really, what choice do i have? at this point i dont know. but well see when im done in ite. perhaps itll help me get a better job, i have no idea what kind but yea.

i know i wasted my time that i have to be demoted rather than promoted which really cost more but if support is what i get, then maybe itll help so much more. i know youre just concerned but you should really try to be more optimistically concerned.

growin up

ya know, i have always noticed how fashion is so in fashion. whereever. and how people go gaga over whats in this season, whos wearin em, where to get em, how to get em and whatnots. i dont know. ive always been the dull, simple gal; baggy pants/jeans-tee/tank-sneakers. i dont really like change. my styles always been the same since young. and that really does reflect alot in my life; just a few changes but most are still intact. like before, i used to be very materialistic. but ive outgrown that, i dont care bout whats the latest, what i should get, etc, i learned to be contented with the things i have and keep it for as long as possible and not always go after the newer ones. its kind of a lil buggy whenever i see people talkin bout whats new, haha. not that i have anything against them; already i am living with someone as such [a brother that is]; so how worse can it get with the outsiders right? i dont care what people think of me. like when i shop, i still go for the similar things. i think the thing that really bothers a person is the trying-to-fit-in attitude. i may have been one back then, we all have. but once you start to be wise and start finding your true self and then youve settled down with that, youre gonna chuckle atchaself, then shake ya head. getting out of your thought-to-be "comfort zone" and actually finding your real, own comfort zone, will let you see the humongous difference.

its just real funny how i still know some who even put boys in their list of being in their "fashionable life". sheesh. they may not notice it at all unless you observe the pattern, contemplate. ouh, heres the thing, many think im a playa; havin many boys, a flirt kinda gal but they always get surprised when they get to know me. i was never the kind who gives out her number to any guy who wishes to get to know her; the most id do is give my e-add. the word "date" kinda makes it sound serious...hmmm, go out with. yea, going out with guys isnt that bad as long as both parties know what each others intentions are, so there wont be any bad blood between the two later; which is what i usually do - send my message across very clearly at first so no lead-ons will follow. goin out with different boys is no biggie, really, as long as you give em a clear message. the biggie is if, you go out, you hook up, say you love em then dump em or u get dumped, then find another one, without any clear message and the whole thing repeats. see, i dont like lead-ons; if the person confesses and its not mutual, i tell the person straight "its not gonna happen" and well stay as friends, which we actually do, and the friendships strong til now. its why i have many close guy friends who really respect me. i dont get into a relationship i dont think will work out with that person in the long run, even if ive strong feelings for that one, i think before i move. although i failed in my last relationship, heehee. ahh, for that one, i picked the wrong one. but i mean to say generally, among the other guys. so i picked the wrong one, which is also good because the rest are already a totally an-impossible-thing-to-happen but at least, our friendships are still intact.

so its pretty flatteringly annoying how people can be judgemental and think of you as someone youre totally the opposite of. and so to the judgemental people, get your facts right, before you judge, ask straight to the face and dont do it behind the back [unhealthy yknow!]. when i post something judgemental, i post with long-observed-evidences which means weeks/months/years-long, not hours/2-3days-long.

stay happy people ;)

deep inside

i miss my bestfriend, tasha. emmm, should i actually say former? hmm. yea. but no doubt, i still love her. even if we dwindled [we both know that], shes always been my loved one and still is. i dont mind that were not as before, as long as i know i still care for her. awkwardness is what we both felt but yeah. i still love her, really. heehee!

she used to be this cute chubby kid that when she smiles, shes like so fun to hug! hahaha! though when she got older, she got sexier. she aint that cute kid no more! hahaha! im not dissin her! im just sayin. ouh, i remember, we tried to match my bro and her sis, tierra which by the way was from cdss drama too! ahakz. thats really how we started out. yeah. good times.
and remember, ill always be here for you still.
i love you!

teehee, im just happy (:

samson!

hello philippines and hello world!
*whoops* wrong! wrong!
hello singapore, hello world!
ahihihihi! the ever famous greeting by toni gonzaga in pinoy big brother reality tv show! hmmm, wonder when singapore will have the big brother and the dream academy shows. probably soon lar. cuz the two, together with deal or no deal are all created by endemol. so yeah! lol.

i am sooo long winded.

anywayyyyyy! thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you *pants* thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you *phew* to my favvy! for the coookiees!!! omg! seven different types, so the many varieties of cookies! ahihihihi! so the artistic! hahaha! so the colorful. so the hardworking! so the generous. so the woah!!! hahaha! im speechless liao. *exagg* lol! thank you again! im so the grateful lar! u see, small thing can make me happy already! what more if i get something a lil bigger than that? gee. my thank yous will prolly overflow the whole universe. hahaha!

nah, really, i am grateful for so the many many things. the past few weeks have just been heavenly for me. although there are sad happenings; that doesnt involve me but the people around me, the blessings and joy that im getting still topped the sad uns. shouldnt it always be like that? this is what ive been waiting for, few weeks ago when i was just filled with angst. and now that its arrived, im just relieved and gratified and im lovin each second that passes. no regrets about the unhappy moments because its what strengthens us all. being optimistic is whats keepin
me up and alive and kickin. im still hyped up like fuck like that! harharhar!

surprises

BOOYAH!!!!
first of all, id like to thank abang fir for last mondays raya-cookies and fridays treat too! and tufha for the cookies too! wee!!! alright. and my neighbor for the cookies too and im still waiting for another - for the cookies too! haha! cmon bebeh! give em to meh! ahakz! kiddin. i love treats! theyre so fun! like fun-fun!
first week of second sem, fun! like fun-fun! lol. whatevah!

ya know, i was pretty ecstatic on friday that when i got home to nap, i didnt know that at that moment when i was feeling ouh-so-fine, people were screeching and squealing, running for their lives; glorietta2 had an explosion. it was a heart-wrenching moment the moment i received a message from dadda. i suddenly remembered aunt tere and her boutique. and then i got relieved when i remembered that she was located at glorietta4. but, sigh! its still pretty astonishingly unbelievable to really hear of such. like, i could still recall how i would always take a stroll in that beautiful mall. and suddenly, *poof* a part of it, ka-boomed! like dayyyym! i spent like a month in that mall everyday, cuz i was always with aunt, tending her shop, but mostly walkin around, gettn to know the damn bloody big mall. sigh. and just two days after the explosion, sunday, a fire broke out in a resto at glorietta4! aww-mahh-gahh! luckily it was at second floor. hmmm, why glorietta mall? geez. that wasnt the first time. years ago there was an explosion there too. sheesh. what is wrong with you people? really bored eh? nothing to do? wanna rebel? haiz. if you wanna rebel, please dont involve the innocents mann! like really, thats just lame! lol.

what a waste because i think the phils is never gonna rise over poverty. because of corruption. because of greed. sad. there are millions and trillions of filos who have great dedications of rising up because there are truckloads that are talented and really hardworking but all these hopes of soaring are wrecked because of the greedy users. there are politics whereever you turn to. because of all these, people are forced to do stupid things they never wanted to do; crimes. sheesh. dont the govt ever wonder how imprudent they are? how selfish? avaricious? they always talk about how filos should get together and be ONE and all when they never really keep their promises in the first place, in the end, they only think about gettin rich themselves. sheesh! dont they pity those filas abroad working as dh? many filas turn to dh bacuz they have no choice but to leave home just to feed their fam. many do not know that these filas are almost done with college! if not for the lack of money to pay for their last few semesters, they wouldnt need to do such things. but bacuz of the need to survive, they suck up their pride and are forced to enter such jobs, which many people take advantage of; being mistreated. sad.
and gawsh, i actually couldnt believe when i got to know that glorias dads time of presidency, phils was actually doin well, like really well and was even known as "The Incorruptible". but geez, dunno what happened to the daughter. like awww. sad. itd be a miracle if one day there will be another incorruptible president.

ahh, well. im grateful im far away from the messy place though my love for my own people will still stay intact. and i do sympathize them for havin to live with bad people! sheesh! like! really! hahaha! from cookies to explosion to politics! ahihihihi. how randomly linked. teehee! ive always hated politicians. the bad ones!

best friend

somehow, i still pine for the good ol times,
and at times, i still ask,
where did i go wrong, i lost a friend.
ill be frank, and if ever you ask me this,
ill still say,
i b-lame you for doin that.
but i still acknowledge you because you transformed me;
the way i look at friends arent alike as our times.
i never had another "best" because when i think what best really means,
i can never see anyone being that best enough for me;
where i could just let e-v-e-r-y single thing out;
even my deepest, darkest secret.
ive stopped believing i could still find a best friend,
bacoz you gave me that trepidation of being neglected and maybe even betrayed.
there are close friends - and ever since then,
that has already made me be gratified.
it is safer aint it?
not that i dont open up to em,
i do.
and i have confidants.
just not a best friend.
because i do not tell em every thing - like how id tell a best friend.
if i could clearly recall,
all these happened when we separated.
im not dwelling -
its just that whenever i think about our bubblegum younger times,
i cant help but to also dredge up what the fuck happened after that.
i doubt we can ever bring that back,
because perhaps weve both changed and its left a big gap.
but like i said,
youll still be a part of my life as youve always been,
bacoz youve taught me to be like this.
and i love you for that.
i just hope when our paths cross again in the near future,
we can be best friends again,
even for just that moment, with just that little brief hug.
and here ill tell you,
even if things are way too different for us both now,
i still love you like that.
ill always be here forever for you.

coming! coming!

if one day i have to leave,
i only want to say, thank you.
please do not anticipate everything to be
the same again when im back,
not unless you want me to feign,
which will only make everything shoddier.
i am still somewhat-terrified of what may happen.
i do not like the words you divulged
because i feel you arent even certain when you expressed that.
im not taking any more ventures
and no more investing,
for it is so over, period[.]
i dont want to be duped again
though i still care.
yet my concern is only limited to, as a person,
no more than that,
not even as a chum.
youre still a someone in my life,
for you have left a very big, rather deep mark in me,
throughout the years,
which makes it tough for me to just erase the dreadful moments.
but because weve also shared the good times,
the unpleasant ones arent enough for me to just abandon us.
i will not try,
i will do my best.
thank you.

~~silly-me~~
aww, so cute, haha! butbutbut, that was from the veryvery, bottombottom, insideinside, deepdeep, you-cannot-see-one-confirm-guarantee-with-chop of my heart! i know! im like shuuuweeeet like that. cuz im dank thats why. and you like right? i know...not. bluek! hurhurhur. and puhleez, do not relate this to yourself just bacoz you think its about you, shameLESS you! harrharr.

haiz. im missing people. need not mention names, i think its mutual. you miss me, i miss you. but i think most of the time, its just YOU missing me, without me missing you back. ahakz. yarr, dont argue because i will not care cuz i n-e-v-e-r care.

for now, i WISH that someoneS will bring me Hari Raya cookies. i miss ros and ree and i-dont-know-who-else for sharing their Raya food with Joanne. ahakhakhak. hmmm, maybe i will give yall christmas cookies too. but too bad there aint such things for me. harhar. but maybe larr!

okaye, i L-O-V-E the weather tadday, so sunny, perfect for beach-ing. i just dont strip to bikinis thats all, because i dont have a hawtt-enuff body to flaunt. and i dont swim either bacoz, one, i dont like the ground, got the that thing arr...and two, i cant swim that well. but i CAN swim okaye! shut up you!

and okaye i will mention some of the people i miss but of whom actually, terribly miss me more than i miss em, teehee. deedee the big momma dino, feeda the crazy not-little-but-big sempret, ros the i-dont-know-how-to-describe-you-for-now but i love u, sabby the little-but-big-that-one makcik, emmm, lee the big guy, wan my crush haha, samster the nicest boy in town, thiru the whatever [you and sab were talking about me! yesterday!!!! hmphh!], ree the ass-i-also-dont-know-why-i-called-you-that, okaye, if i go on, i will fall asleep. but yes i miss more people aside from these mentioned 'uns. and yes i truly am the shameLESS daughter-of-a-not-beytch. im SAD because i didnt get to see the pizza delivery boy just now bacoz i was hooked by my show, shatewpid! i am crazy-dancing now.

reaching

hmmm, ive been at my best for the past two days. my sound trip; from indie to hiphop to psychedelic to praise and worship. it feels good to actually be back on track. and i miss YFC buttloads. its been 5-6years. i miss the fellowships, the gatherings and the paise and worships. i miss ate juvz and co. we made four songs back then, though i only remember the tune of one song, You Are. sigh. how time flies.

its a wonderful thing for me that the ire in me is almost gone. although we all know the things we go through have reasons behind em, we cant help but to have feelings; anger, sadness, happiness, etc. as of now i dont feel any anger for the person, although i wont deny that the thoughts still haunt me and the pain still there, it wasnt as extreme as before when all i could feel was rage and the thought of harming. i lifted it all up to Him through prayers. time and prayer has done the works for me. and im g-lad.

its that small thing that makes it all big

i have to be honest, i read bianc's blog everyday and shes one of the people i really look up to. she isnt the type whos obsessed with fame and all. once i heard or read, she was offered a movie or a soap but she refused. i think she started out as a model before landing on hosting. and i have to say, she is one of the best people around in showbiz. she doesnt blog about her showbiz life. she blogs more about beautiful things that inspires her or interests her. what actually attracted me to her blog are the things that we both aspire in life; how we both wanna help, travelling and the things we wanna do. her recent post about angie kinda surprised me, really. angie's also one of the people i look up to. how cool is that. its just a blissful thing for me. heeez. ouh well. since young, i have so many dreams but none of that, have i fulfilled. besides my folks being tight about me doing certain things ive always wanted to do, there are certain things i lack of. but its not gonna stop me from fulfilling those dreams. and i actually plan to when im all independent. for now, i can only contribute in a small amount but i know that small thing is already a big one.

'if we all do a little, we can do a lot.'

the aroma of it

lalala . . .

characters...

i like jeff's "pon and zi" art. very cute indeed. the only art i like from wajaholic is his prominent "i give you my heart". zindy, the first artist i liked. shaka.


~~

talk about pretenders. geez. lets face it. we all are. not only our surroundings. we may not be as big of a pretender like we all think or say they are but were still considered as one. we either pretend to not hurt people's feelings or we pretend to be good at first, then stab em in the back. but aint it all the same. lol. we fall for their act. we find out later. we get livid. we hate em. blahblahblah. and our choice? vengeance or to just-not-bother. ouh bloody hell. as much as id like vengeance, id rather put my mind somewhere else. think of it. weve wasted more-than-enough time falling for their trap, would we still wanna waste yet another more of our time for em? time is p-recious, my friend. but yes of course, if youve got a whole lodssa free time and you happen to be a mischievious one - and maybe some kind of evil too, then go ahead; do yer thang. revenge can be quite alleviating. but if youre more of a wise one, then i dont need to say it, you already know what to do.

i think im gettin okaye

ber ber ber ber...sepber ocber nober deber...
well, were 24days late according to our familys own tradition of puttin up the christmas tree just as the ber month strikes. arch and brendz did the tree yesterday before he went back to camp and i did the decoing tadday. wee. theme this year: blue white and yellow. we had no yellow so we used gold for sub. i wanted to have black as the theme but i know theyd go bonkers if they hear me say that. they so oppose to black so much. sheesh! wadda biggie! ouh well...lalala. no comment.

anyhoos, while i was doin the tree, so many flashbacks as well as good thoughts came to me mind.
like like like how i used to love hangin the balls when i was just 4 and those gift-ornaments that made me wish i was a small creature so i could open that small gift which was of course just a styrofoam -_-'... could still remember when kuya and i kept lookin out of the window to see if mom would come back with dad for christmas. and for the first time mom celebrated christmas in singapore without us and she was just sitting at the window, sobbing. sheesh. then good thoughts like like like eh i forgot. ahh nemai [nevermind]...

ya then like that. headache sia. bloody hell. i think im sleepy. maybe if not before, then by christmas id be able to be friends with my unfriends again. lol. nola. but rest assured i will be okaye with people again. "tis the season/love and understanding/merry christmas evryone" teehee. just say hi and maybe ill hug back! what am i talking about. ouh well. joanne joanne. im such a sucker for food. i think ill go food hunting now. bye. oh shit. no food. oh bahhh!!! killer headache, ill jush sh-leep on it.