poof.

i don't know my brother anymore...again.
we've lost touch with him...
i've personally lost touch with him...maybe since the last time we went to church together...
when he said he'll be a 'changed' person this year...
and like the usual, it's only said and done in the beginning...
and eventually, will fall out of it.
sigh.
now i don't know if he's gonna 'change' again since they're gone.
and what kinda 'change'?
double sigh.

at work...been hectic for me since i started learnin' bar.
breakin' glasses, spillin' drinks, mixed up with what to put on what drinks, etc.
sigh.
no doubt, God knows how much i wanted this.
and now that i got it...i just hope they'll have patience with me.
i know i'm gonna get there soon.
i duwanna be a pessimist and say i am a slow-learner but can't help it... ;(
this is probably my third week? as a bariste but i'm still havin' difficulty gettin' the SOP ;(
nevertheless, imma get it...
really be patient with me guys...i beg ya... ;(

disappointment aside...
today was pretty fun.
considering i didn't do too much bar and there were only 2 people workin'!
'twas almost 12...and the guests seemed to be enjoying their stay when i reached.
then as i was goin' in to time in, i looked at the bar side...and...
*bam* the glasses and cups and saucers were like overcrowding the bar side.
michelle had to stay a lil longer just to finish up the drinks...while i took the orders of the new customers [that just kept comin' while the others go] and bust tables and send food/drinks and wash the glasses etc.
wooh!
we managed well, really. despite the non-stop 'crowd' and the coming of stocks. ;)
no blunders...abang aziz siooooo! i guess the music helped ;)
i guess it's pretty harder now that we got no washer. but still managable...
if only in few more weeks, i can perfect my SOP, it'd be a lil easier, and lesser challenge.
since now that i'm really jugglin' alotta things.
what fucks me up is that, some colleagues who're pretty pro at what they do gets annoyed easily when i make mistakes just because they're used to what they're doin' already.
sigh. i haven't been workin' as frequent as y'all man! and and and you may be faster at rememberin' stuff and i don't!
if only you knew me long enough would you understand my situation memory-wise.

i feel alotta things i duwanna feel but i duwanna let it conquer my body and i'm doin' my best to fight it off...toilet breaks help cuz it's when i can at least release some stress and bloody aches and just recharge and focus on work so that when i get out of that cubicle...i can stomach in and endure what i feel. but even that is taken away from me ;( sucks, really.

shah's a good manager and friend to be honest. i don't wanna fail him. i know i already have, with my mistakes and late-comings ;(
shah's like an elder brother who takes good care of his bros and siss...
i just hope that i'll get better everyday. ;)

pedicab

last night, i got to watch this wonderful story entitled 'pedicab'...

it was about this girl, Nellie who went home with a baby and you probably already know what happened next...
until after the mother's yacking, she held the baby in her arms...and...[i guess that's what most parents would feel...once they hold that small innocent living being, it just softens their hearts...and takes away their anger] so Nellie lived with her mom and siblings again...

her elder bro's neighbour-friend, Tobias [who was a farmer] was introduced to her and became friends.
the mom was pretty disturbed when she found out how close they were getting and told her he's probably going after her because he knows she's easy to get...especially now that she has a child [some kind of a proof]...

Tobias knew how the mom felt about him and nevertheless, he proved to Nellie his real love despite her having a child...
He loved Khaycee[Nel's daughter] like his own and soon they got married.
all he wanted from Nellie was to stay home and look after their 'clan'...
They had 5 children altogether...he did farming in the day, pedicab/rickshaw in the evening.
beautiful husband...so hardworking until he met an accident with the pedicab. the day he was sent to the hospital was the day Nellie had to give birth to their 6th upon seeing her hubby's condition...
she was then forced to give away the baby just so she could pay for Tob's therapy and meds.

she had to find a job to replace Tob. so she decided to do be a pedicab driver...[i never could imagine how tough it actually is until i watched her force her petite body pedal that thing with at least 2 people on...] she couldn't get any customers/passengers cuz of her physique...even kids didn't want her.

until she decided to go to KC's school and asked a random teacher if she could work there with any kind of job...Ms Sheryl kindly refused until Nel begged. She felt Nel and was uber kind to her and one time told her co-teachers to take a ride at Nel's pedicab. unexpectedly, they were heading off to where Tobias met with an accident...

when Nel reached that point, she stopped - she stopped and thought about how freaky the down-slope was that almost killed her husband. Ms Sheryl then saw her reaction and pretended to have muscle cramp from sitting too long and suggested to walk...

throughout the period he had to stop work, Tobias could NEVER accept the fact that Nellie is the one working for the family.
Since the day they got married, he treated Nellie like his princess, getting up early everyday and cooking breakfast for her, never wanting her to get too tired...and just wanted her to have a refreshing, awesome morning to start the day off with nice food done with love by her love...

he had this pride.
this principle in life.
he accepted her first kid and loved her unconditionally.
the fact that he could not stomach the sight of ready-to-drop-Nellie [coming home every night] working for them, encouraged him to recover fast enough to learn to walk and move his hands again.
she went through tough shit - entered a man's world where she was disparaged and scoffed at. she nonetheless strived to make her 'new life' thrive and for her family to remain rigid.
while he, felt useless at home, paralysed yet had the eager to just get up and switch places back with his wife.

i think that's pretty much a very heartfelt true story [by the way] that rarely happens in this 'modern' world. but i'd have to say that i do actually know a FEW men and male friends who has such dignity and principle in life despite having different financial statuses...
i am very honored and i salute these guys with utter respect and can only be happy for the women in their lives.

what really moved me is that this couple is from a poor family yet the 'pillar of the home' still treated his 'light of the home' as a princess... :) this just proves that it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor to be able to carry out the dream you have for your family. it just takes a matter of dignity and principle and hard-work...

Women's Month is ending soon. Shoutout to the Great Moms and Dads out there...keep the love alive y'all!

you go to work...tired and hungry
you get home...get nagged at...blamed...
do my work...i can't.
ask for favor...could've said no if couldn't be done.
i give time...also get fucked up.

fuck man.
i'm wrong at work, at home, to Him, to him...
woohoo...
how worse can it get?
O-U-H W-E-L-L.
who else? who fucking else?!

i'm managing my time...but it's never appreciated...have to have squabbles.
who's more tired?
i suck at work...i suck at home...where else can i expect a suck-free place? whom with?!
no matter how tired i am...i still MAKE A FUCK SHIT EFFORT to make things absolutely perfect for occasions...the only fucking problem is when things go wrong...the planned plan fails eventually. :(
i'm so tired.
no matter how fucked-up-busy i am with other things...i make time for other things. but...whatever man...useless fuck.

be nice.

yet another sigh.
i know i wanted this.
and i'm not giving up.

i have been feeling something before.
i'm just shutting my mouth up.
i'm not gonna say no shit...

really fucked up.
you go to work...
you make a 'whole load' of mistakes you don't mean to make...[i'm sure we all don't MEAN to make mistakes...duh...otherwise it won't be called a 'mistake']
you hear things that you don't wanna get involve in...
they make mistakes and asks for favors to keep quiet and you don't complain...
but YOU make mistakes and you hear so much from them...=.="
[so much for saying 'dunno, ask me...', 'anything, ask me...']
i certainly do not think it's THE 'positions' that juniors do not complain...and that seniors do...
i think it's the personalities of the people themselves...
i don't know, really.
correct me if i'm wrong, please.

i hate to talk about people...those i've worked with knows that.
they don't hear no shit from me. i don't do 'politics' [if that's the right word]
i do my work...i hear a lotta things...but that's it.
but there's a limit to my patience...
the bottle's overflowing and i gotta let some out.
i do observe...i know those who doesn't like working with me...just because i'm a bloody 'sotong' and that i forget things...that i eventually make mistakes and shit.

and HELL NO...i'm not making these as excuses cuz i HAVE BEEN battling with this shit since young...
that's probably what i lack...but nevertheless at the end of the day, i ALWAYS MAKE DAMN BLOODY SURE i get the job done.
those who have worked with me...knows that i'm slow but i make sure the job's perfectly done.

dammit.
make yourself look like you're so fucking pro...
talks behind their back...
sees them...and suddenly...
soooo friendly.
sheesh. bloody hell.
i loathe plastiks.
if you hate that person, say it straight lah...
if you got problem with that person tell it to their face!
ouh man...c'mon.

stop bitchin' cuz you ain't bitch enough to say it to people's face...
SIGH.
you yourself are impatient...and only likes to work with people who's familiar with things so you don't have to TEACH those who don't know much...zzz.

my friends all know i'm a cracked.
but they also know i do keep my guard up.
we're all nice and friendly...but when we get fucked up...we fuck them up right? well most of us do.
i'm not gonna let anyone step on me cuz i HAVE BEEN too nice before.
we all learn from mistakes. and i don't wanna make the same mistakes again.

i do things i am asked to do even if sometimes i feel some physical pain. i just don't complain cuz i don't wanna be seen as weak even if i can't take it anymore. but just because i make mistakes and i do what i'm asked to do and i don't yack and i button my lip when i get talked to in a pathetic manner does not freaking mean i'm under anyone. HELL i STILL respect people no matter how unkind they can get...

i honestly like my colleagues. and i respect each and every one of 'em. i guess even if i got backbitten...but just don't expect me to be as nice. sigh. ouh well.

retain your RESPECT...if you got that...*tahha*

hole.

" There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every
time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said,

'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same again. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
But It won't matter how many times you say ‘I'm sorry’, the wound will still be there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one….’ "

i guess we all need to be reminded everytime about this. i know we’ve all heard/read it before but we either forget or ignore. ouh well.

it was filled with love, but you started nailing my heart and then pulling them out, inadvertently discerning that you've left so many holes; the pain you've inflicted on me - causing anger. so not only does my heart contain love, it is now comprised with pain and anger as well.

tired

bariste

eyeyyy...
'sup...
hehe.

back to work after so long.
my first day as a BARISTE ;)
like...after so long lah...
i've earned the so-called 'promotion'! nyaha!!!
guess 'cuz i'm gonna turn 6th month old at TCC on the 15th?
hehe.

jowelyn trained me...aziz as well.
but yeah, when was tested by zix, i failed :(
i'm not a fast-learner as i told shah before.
but i'm doing my best.
just 'cuz i wasn't taught some other things that was asked, doesn't mean it's 'as good as not learning anything'.
that's pretty much effed up.
i did and am doin' my best.
God knows.
even if i was unable to recall most of the things...
still...
i learned today, fullstop.

ouh well.
not everyone is like someone you adore/admire[who has impressed you in a way somehow]...
i hope people learn that people have levels of speed-of-learning [whatever sheyt you call it]





all the best to all those havin' exams this week.
:)

well.

Good evening, guys.
how's everyone been?

school's finally out again.
I am finally out of ITE.

i just hope to get into Poly...
i just wanna get into Poly...
i need to get into Poly...

i’ve missed everyone...
i was so freakin’ busy i didn’t have time for y’all.
i’ve tried to ‘make time’ but just won’t allow me...
ouh well.
now that school’s out, i’ll be busy with work... :(
not that i duwanna work…it just means i’ll still be busy right?
but i’m sure i have more time now to give y’all. hehe.

time...
sigh.
i hope everything goes well.
this has just got to be a minor thing, please.
i’ve got so many unfinished business to do.
please let me do them first...
i beg of You.
Thank You.

panlima

maligayang pan limang buan, mahal ko

uhhgain.

the baboy has woken up...i fell asleep waiting...

i gotta finish this sheyt by tonight!!!
joanne's got work at 8 in the morning tomorrow!

the only people i know well that would defy my 'do not bug' statuses is tiu and kiki.
:D

my subway date!!!

magsswimming na ung baboy ko. ouh well. ganyan talaga. cge nah.

uhhh....

lonely boring gloomy saturday!
lonely even if momz and popz 're here...
boring even if i have so many things to do...school stuff. YES! school stuff. i know many of y'all will think otherwise. c'mon. i'm not a 24/7 too much of an idler! i do do my school stuffs! idiots.
gloomy - well, blame it on the weather! sheesh! makes my face go :(

and lonely, boring, gloomy coz i currently do not have the attention i'm seeking for from baboy ko as the baboy pigs on the bed - sleeping, snoring, probably drooling...saying grossy things or maybe even fantisizing on some undesired things, lol.

ouh puh-lease!




aaaaand.....
okaye!
i've been randomly typing things i've been randomly thinking of which i randomly keep deleting for the past 5minutes.

and i've typed a lot! as long as my usual posts that makes your eyes go round and round until you decide to just click the 'x' on the window or the tab! =.=" zzzzz...idiots.



ouhkaye, i'll stick to this.

the 'ten's tag game

indirectly tagged by: shahera

TEN ARE YOUS
1. Are you single - no
2. Are you happy - no mood to be happy. lol
3. Are you bored - nope...got loadsa shits to do man.
4. Are you fair - fair-color? fair-reasonable? fair-color? no. fair-reasonable? so-so
5. Are you Italian - no
6. Are you intelligent - i'm fucking intelligently dumb
7. Are you honest - yes...too honest...
8. Are you nice - not really.
9. Are you Irish - i'm asian.
10. Are you Asian - yea, with a mix of spanish and some asian blood, but generally an asian

TEN FACTS
1. Full Name - Joanne....
2. Nicknames - jojo, jo, ferarri, mojo jojo, helmet, [i forgot e rest]
3. Birth place - manila
4. Hair color - black
5. Natural hair style - straight
6. Eye Color - brown
7. Birthday - 19 june
(number 8 is missing) - stupid!
9. Favorite color - hot/neon pink/green, black, white, red
10. One place you'd like to visit - heaven?

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love - ya
2. Do you believe in love at first sight - havent experienced it yet, i think.
3. Do you currently have a crush? - no
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - ya
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart - ya
6. Have you ever had your heart broken - ya
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them - ya
8. Are you afraid of commitment - idk
9. Who was the last person you hugged - idr
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? - kelo?

TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust - Love
2. Hard liquor or beer - hard liq
3. Cats or dogs - dogs
4. A few best friends or any regular friends - a few best friends
5. Creamy or Crunchy - crunchy
6. Pencil or Pen - pen
7. Wild night out or romantic night in - either
8. Money or Happiness - happiness
9. Night or day - Night
10. IM or phone - either

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out - idr
2. Seen a polar bear - ya
3. Done something you regret - loads
4. Bungee jumped - i wanna
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor - ya, the 'two-second rule' i think
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker - i probably could've but they dont have it here
7. Been caught naked - almost?
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back - ya, i can 'want' but i cannot do that
9. Cried because you lost a pet - yes
10. Wanted to disappear - yeah. during embarrasing moments.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER
1. Smile or eyes - either
2. Light or dark hair - light
3. Hugs or kisses - either
4. Shorter or taller - taller
5. Intelligence or attraction - intelligence with attraction
6. Topman or Zara - either
7. Funny or serious - why so serious? funny la...
8. Older or Younger - older
9. Outgoing or quiet - outgoing
10. Sweet or Bad - sweet

TEN HAVE YOUS
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - yes, the lovely days are fucking gone and i'm locked up in this boring cage i'm currently living
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour - ya
3. Ever tried walking on your hands - ya
4. Ever been to a rock concert - ya
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team - no
6. Ever been on a dance team - yup
7. Ever been on a sports team - ya, those days :)
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - yea
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? - i'd want a viper though
10. Ever been in a rap video? - no

TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made - pearlyn
2. Last person you kissed - idr
3. Last person you hung out with - mom
4. Last time you worked - last week
5. Last person you talked to - pearlyn
6. Last person you IM'd - rv?
7. Last person you texted - gianelli
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with - kel
9. Last person/thing you missed - grandma, filo streetfood.
10. Last website visited - idk

TEN PEOPLE TO DO THIS
1. whoever
2. whoever
3. whoever
4. whoever
5. whoever
6. whoever
7. whoever
8. whoever
9. whoever
10. whoever

febulous.

someone bring me to marina at keppel bay.



flowers,

chocolates,

flowers with chocolates,

reds,

hearts



are the in-thing again.








enjoy your Valentine's Day ;]

inane

the biddie who was once a buffy...
who used to fight for ardor with her swain...
whom she thought had veneration for her...
she, who used to be his inamorata...
has now fallen prey...
and is tussling against the futile clandestine ardor...

the oath he uttered...
to never cause her slur nor make her snivel...
flowed down the drain like acid rain that would corrode the ecstasy they used to revel in.

the 'cavalier' just disparates him.
she has now agreed, under duress, to be a thrall for the fucking lad.

HELLo guys.
you will not be hearing much from me...

river

i can't believe i'm getting more scrawny each day.

i've been crying a lot again and i fucking hate it...

i was wiping my tears off in front of people today...in public, at work, at home...
because of everything that i'm feeling. it just sucks so much that i wanna poke my eyes out!
i hate to be seen crying. i know we all do. especially by my parents.



i just really wanna do so much for the people i care for.

white flag

today i thought i'd be working 0900-1700...but shah texted 1500-2200 which i only read at 8-ish am. it was a relief somehow. cuz i could barely open my eyes to even read the text message; took me quite awhile to finish reading the SMS.

finally woke up at 12 and wanted to get ready but my ankle was in pain again.
i thought i could get over it if i just walk it off...but dayyem. so yeah.
i thought twice about going to work...called shah but didn't pick up. fine.
so i decided to just go. coz if i just phoned them about the ankle-shit they probably won't believe me.

so there, had to pretend to walk okay-ish here at home so my parents won't bug me about it...it was a fucking TORTURE. but i just endured. on the way to work, zix called to pick up the advocaat egg nog liquor and some cans of coke at funan. shux. shah finally let me off almost four hours after feeling my swollen right ankle...
sigh.
i was LITERALLY limping my way to work, at work and from work [on the way home]. and i fucking endured all that because i didn't wanna be the same ol' fucking joanne who fucking rants all the fucking time about small fucking things.

but besides withstanding that, i was further hurt by some text messages from someone whom i thought would understand me the most. so yeah, again, the weak joanne couldn't help but to tear on the way to work, at work and on the way home.

i haven't had any rest since 15dec because i've been walking the whole fucking day and've been going home late. it may seem such a short period of time to you guys. but having to walk and stand almost 24hours everyday non-stop? getting up at 6am and reaching home at 12am everyday? count my rest time.

i am so strong-willed up to now about working everyday and not minding the standing up part...but it's my body that gave up on me. what the fuck can i do? brain versus body? yeah, my mind keeps sayin' i can get over the pain but my feet just can't walk anymore.

i've said this so many times. i'm sorry i'm not as strong as you are or as others.

people, please stop expecting stuff from me already. STOP. can you just let me prove to MYSELF first before proving to any of you that i can be a responsible piece of crap?

my parents are mad that i'm so skinny already [except for the tummy] and that i don't have enough rest...enough time for God...for them...for my own room...
i'm so tired of just being told that i've no time for people or i'm not making any effort for somebody or anybody. because believe me, i'm doing my best to divide my time but it's just not enough. my time and energy is just not enough. i don't even have enough time for myself...i don't have the time to eat and get proper sleep. yeah, yeah, bad time management? i'll give you my routine schedule everyday including my personal things...see if you can come up with something.
i'm just never good enough am i?
i get scolded about my studies, about my attitude, about my work, about myself...


but despite all that, thank you anyway.
really.
thank you.


cuz not only am i already spiritually and physically hurt...i'm still emotionally hurt.
but still, i'm just accepting it all. i'm still putting up that stupid fucking smile. yeah, c'mon. give me more. as of this moment, i just don't see the point of fighting back. i've lost my energy to fight. i'm just 'nod ya head'-ing...i'm surrendering. anyone can even beat the fucking hell out of me and i won't say anything. you can slap me with words...with hands...with whatever...i won't say anything...yeah, y'all can dominate me...i'm just so tired of saying out so much...
i'll leave it all to God...and probably karma.
the only outlet i have is Him and this cuz i have no one else who understands me from deep within.



i'm so tired.

simbang gabi '08 [part one]

good morning friends...

right now, i'm wishin' i'm doin' this post on a rooftop;
relishing the midnight breeze,
gazing and number-crunching the stars
and savoring the aroma of the night whiff.

but instead, i'm on the bed...
with the windows closed
with the fan off
with the light on
and legs blanketted...
hahaha. how conflicting.

well anyways, it just means i'm inspired to post. ;]



despite the fatigue i get from work and still managing to attend night masses everyday since monday [work and night masses both started on monday, 15/12/08], i gain strength to smile when i see michael; who comes to my workplace almost everyday and stalks me when i meet up with my folks for masses.

the good thing is, i see him everyday and get to hold him - even for JUST a second.
that little gesture 'overwhelms [kilig] me to the bones...;
as in...
to the core,
from head to toe,
to the highest of the highest
and the lowest of the lowest,
to the right-est of the right-est
and the left-est of the left-est,
to infinity and beyond'...

we have been seeing each other for eight days straight and will probably go beyond our 'record' and maybe even BerGhen's [pronounced as *VirGen*] too! tahha!

i also gain strength when i'm with my folks...because we barely have time for one another at home. as in LITERALLY.
yeah, we are THAT busy. so the only time we have is the night-masses times.
as for my brother...he only got to join us for a night. the rest of the days...he's busy with work [excuses]. so i really have nothing else to say but to shake head.

BUT who am i to comment on him when i myself whimper even when i go for the masses.
i whine that my feet aches like tooooot! and that i NEED to sit...when at work, i CAN endure the pain and suffering.
i grumble that i have a headache and is sleepy and feels the NEED to be excused to sit and close my eyes because of work...when at work i bear with those and continue my job...
i eat/drink like no one's business even when the mass has started...when at work, i sustain from doin' those and patiently wait for my break...
freakin' shtoopid huh? HATE it. it's like i'm attendin' the masses for the wrong reasons...gahhh!

but anyways, two more night masses and then back to normal til next year again.

~~
just a little sharing on the night masses.

i haven't had the opportunity like earlier tonight; wherein i people-watch.
earlier tonight, Simbang Gabi was held at Tampines, Church of the Holy Trinity.
AND for the first time, out of all the SG [Simbang Gabi] days, i actually QUEUED UP for the Food. zzz.
well...mom forced me to.

kelo took an extra porridge for me [which i gave to mom instead...but glad that i still got to taste them].
when i came with the porridge and pass it to mom, she asked me to take another - for my aunt and unc...i of course was reluctant...cuz i don't like queueing up and being nudged by people just to get food. sheeesh!
but yeah, i did anyway...i got the pansit [beehoon?!] and even asked for the porridge too...but the guy told me: "sorry, if you already got the pansit, you can't get the porridge, so that everyone has the opportunity to get some food" [the people in front of me have BOTH mann! ugh!]
But since mom told me to get TWO...so i HAD to lie [i don't know why i HAD to]: "ouh, it's for my grandma" and the guy just gave it to me... ;p
after the effort and patience of queueing up and getting the food and finding my way out of the crowd, i passed it to my aunt and unc...who HESITATED to get the food.
ouh c'mon now! i didn't do all those just for you guys to reject them! eeeesh. so i just passed it to them and walked away to the gate and sat there and waited for them to finish the food...and chats...zzz.

so while waiting, i was watching people pass me by and they all amused me...the different kinds of reactions on their faces. hahaha. young or old, seeing them all eat their food just really made them look like they're havin' SECOND-CHILDHOOD...

2 or 3 guys positioned themselves at the gate and opened the boxes they carried and started giving out these snacks.
people leavin' and passing by the guys [even passing the gate line already...] go back just to take the snack. some took 5...some just 1...slipping it/them into their bags...smilin' like little children...some were even goin' back to take a few more... ;S


well, we are all children of God...so the smile on our faces when we were young will still be visible even when we are all wrinkly.
well, people would take the effort to queue up for free food anyway.
just not me. hah.
and no, it's not the pride or anything...
i just don't fancy the queueing ups and squeezings and being nudged...sucks man. plus their loud voices...sheeeeeesh!

but hey, these are the little things that puts a smile on my face...observing the kinds of reactions on their faces...people are funny. teehee. well, i shall say more of the my experiences and thoughts about SG on my next post...




~~
i HAVEN'T done any shopping for Christmas :'(
tomorrow shall be the day! if i can wake up early...tsss.

crap face.

i gave myself JUST TWO days of rest before goin' back to the beloved TCC.
for days...i felt pressured of what was to come.
what was to be expected of me and sheytz.

like hot dayyem.
just SECOND day and already FULL-BODY ACHE.
ouh, i'm workin' at CQ now by the way.
at first i thought it was the lack of calcium i have.
but when i thought of what i did before gettin' back to TCC, it suddenly struck me that i DID have a somewhat good life at Creative, shitting sitting down there the WHOLE of the day and just absorbing radiation from the CRT monitor [yeah, C-R-A-P!!! for a very big company to use such old monitors?] that we used.

ouh weyyll...third day and i just wanted to quit but i couldn't...just because i want to learn MORE.
what fucking PISSED the hell outta me today is...already i did not have any food since i fucking woke up at 8...and i have NO 30mins break; as i'm only workin' for 5h [i EVEN felt exkyted to see baby earlier and thought i could have longer time with him], i had training that started from 4 and i thought by 5 i'd be released...STILL!!! we had a meeting that i thought would last just a 1/2h later BUT of which, ended at SEVEN!!! i was LITERALLY standing up from the time i woke up til to Kovan...that's like TWELVE FULL straight hours!!! FUCKING HELL.

i felt so fucking DRAINED, so WOOZY and my knees were so WOBBLY that i could COLLAPSE anytime, anywhere...but i just remained as normal as i could for michael and EVEN bought him food [for making him wait for me for 2h plus for nothing]...he didn't take it anyway. i felt crushed even MORE when he REJECTED it numerous times when i insisted he take them because i ESPECIALLY bought them for him.
hmmm, either he didn't like them? or they looked cheap? i don't know. but i was too weak to voice out that it EMBARRASSED the fuck outta me that he didn't take the food i bought for him. SIGH. furthermore, i didn't get to talk to him much nor hold him because i was talkin' to ate jowellyn from Clarke Quay to Kovan [hyeah, he felt neglected...but jowellyn kept yackin' and yackin' mann!!! i can't just be rude and shut her off]...then from Kovan to church, i was with dad.

i have been making him wait for me...ALWAYS...and he makes the effort to come down to see me and stuff...i just feel very doleful for him...that when we finally meet, we get quiet because of the waiting time that really pisses people off and loses their mood...
BUT i am also so fucking exhausted that when we finally meet, all i want to do is JUST have a nice, JOLLY conversation and out with the small, petty arguments and just STILL put a smile on my face even when i really am toooooooo ENERVATED from the sheytz i do because i want to make him feel special...and not make him feel like he's being treated like SHIT [where i make him wait and then finally just give that long, black, you-better-shut-the-fuck-up-i'm-too-tired-to-quarrel-for-being-late face].


my manager, shah talked to me yesterday; tuesday and clarified if i could juggle my work with family, boyfriend, school, friends, etc.
i paused and thought about it...it seemed highly unlikely but i STILL said i'll DO my best.

i just don't know if i still can celebrate [all the whacked-ness i invested my energy in] by partying or beaching or shopping and stuff because i would rather recharge and energize by sleeping all day and night if i could!!! like really FUCK damn.

ugh!

hate!

i hope to complete the 'Simbang Gabi' with michael even if we are physically far from each other at church...but just spiritually and emotionally would delight me...somehow, i STILL find the strength to attend the mass even if my body's gone brittle...but sadly, it disrupts my mind from listening to the mass because i think more about how tired i am and most especially, KELO...dammet.

anyway. i just want a nice indulgence after all these sheytz...
and i REALLY need to continuously FOCUS on my crunches again...

Creative.

many gosh-es...
i've been so very caught up with work that i've little time for myself and family...most especially God...
i also have no time to blog even when i feel the want and need to...and most especially when i just have the spur to.
and i freaking-ly doubt that my experiences in the past two months will pretty much remain fresh in my rotting mind as i'm inclined to forget things even if i do not want to.

well, anyways, i'll just share whatever i can remember ;]



how's workin' at Creative? - almost good.
why? - the job i've always been KINDA hopin' for...where i can sit in front of the computer
every-freakin'-day...

the snag?
- it's so freakin' PEACEFUL inside that all you hear are the typings...and the freakin' thing is that i only brought my earphones like 3weeks to ending. so i spent the 6 weeks suffering with the freakin' ennui.
trust me, i felt like SCREAMING down there. i got so bored that sometimes i will sing or yawn loudly or just make noise...[they gave those looks, but who cares?]
- i am seated at the same cubicle with the 'highest boss' [overall in-charge of the IA students], H...and he is seated right at the back; two tables behind me. so he bloody-hell kept checkin' on me [checkin' if the computer screen's on a related sheyt to work]
like, mann!!! c'mon uh, i do my job well...but i ended up gettin' the FUCKING lowest marks[most likely] among the group JUST BECAUSE of my punctuality and an incident [forgettin' to remove my cap and shades] which i think is irrational because others have worn caps many times and he failed to even open his FUCKING big eyes [he has BIG eyes that he will open so wide just to 'try' to scare the ass outta you]
OUH and he has APPLE BOTTOMs too!!! for a man to have such bottoms?! ewww-y!

i've got so much to say about this guy...he's just bias...he obviously hates me[and clarence] for comin' late that he purposely has to give me the fucking lowest marks. HAD I KNOWN!!! i would've backed out from the fucking project we were TRICKED to do and 100%-ly focus on the emails so i can attain higher marks! like FUCK mann, cereally! well, yeah, it probably gave him the impression that i do not care...cuz there were numerous times he saw me with that face...so yeah.

i SWEAR that face-attitude thingy didn't want to stop there...i wanted to articulate THE word to his face everytime i see him but it's my future we're talkin' about...not gonna jeopardize it further since it's already been damaged...just imagine if i actually showed my fuck-care behavior...i'd be long gone and blacklisted to the companies they are closely tied-up with.

ouh well, WHATEVER.


all i can say is WWCR [World Wide Customer Response] would be livelier and be better off WITHOUT him. they need someone who is FUN and really cares for people's feelings...and not just about gettin' the bloody job done.

the work's fine. just the project gave me crappy days. but anyways.


THANK YOU to the people who helped me; emails, food, drinks, project, friendship ;]
really appreciate them. anne; our trainer.
the teams:
CLI- jiawen, pablo, clarence, raymond, ray, rafael, james, huiting, raj?, marcus, vic, cassan, steven, jeen.
CLE- ramil, sham, yijuan, gau, kenny, [the rest, i don't know].
CLA- ying zhen, xue qing, ??????? [i don't know] ;p


THANK YOU.





ps. h suck. ;)
and with regards to their products, i shan't be so cruel and advise people to not support their products because they're not so creative and worthy as i used to think they are...
emmm...WOOPS?! ;]

Creative's f...fa...fu...f-i....n...e

tall, dark, hott

sigh.
finally, our paths crossed again...
but only in my dream...
last night/this mornin'...

it was...
pretty outrageous...

here's the scenario...
was walkin' and chattin' with my Creative colleagues at the usual way [we walk every mornin' and evenin' to work...]
and the thing is, I don't know how come he was there?!

well, I don't even remember much...
the only remarkable and unforgettable part i could remember was we were walkin' while talkin' on the pathway with my colleagues and at the same time, also kinda arguing with him over something i wish i can remember?
then when crossing the road.......

he suddenly shouted he still loves me!
and that uberly shocked me. like my eyes were as big as an almond [still in its shell]
and i woke up...and i was still astonished as to what i heard!

I suddenly felt so blissful yet wonder...whether in reality,...?



well, i just want an answer...


but i guess an answer would not make a difference anyway.


it cannot erase the past.



it probably cannot bring back the past.


then i guess...it's all an inept...

like
damn
fuck.