the explanation to the contradiction

hmmm...
i mustve overlooked my previous post...
lol. ive always - always hated my previous posts.
like, id always find my current post okaye on the day i made it, and dumb the next day or so. haha. true that. true that.

well aaaanyway, heres to clarify a few things on the ludicrous post to those who didnt really read between the lines or couldnt decipher it all or just plainly didnt understand what it purported.


1. i apologize if any of you scorn my post. it was just a personal view written in a sarcastic way. i was clearly oblivious about the readers who may have perceptions in contrast to mine.

2. yes, im uberly aware that we ALL have hitches, may it be as tiny as an ant...
what i meant was, i feel i do not have any problems to face; problems as hefty as my friends' whom at a young age already have to deal with things they arent supposed to be dealing with at their tender adolescent stage.

3. my finding it "unnecessary" to share, doesnt mean i find it pathetic at all. emmm, but if ever, i have actually mentioned before[if you know me, youd know im a woolly-headed] that i have actually said i found it stupid to share, pardon me for i didnt fully elucidate. well here i am now, explicating...

there are things in my life thats happened years years ago that made me be like this [the what you would call my-unwillingness-to-share side-of-me]. not only to me, but to the people close to me [im sure i need not go further in this part now huh...]
now im also sure weve come across the phrase "defense mechanism"? to those who loves or knows psychology...you should have already been au fait with me or my posts long ago.

if its sharing here were talkin about, not many people are as open as some. when i said "be it fun or not", yeah, i did mean it in a way that even the smallest thing that i could share, i wouldnt, not because i dont want to, but because it is already a part of me to be that way. its not as if you can just shrug your past experiences off you that easy; it takes time for someone to heal you know. if you cannot already follow, then im sorry, but im not gonna put it in details cuz i really dont have to.

4. thank you for the sincere opinion. i do respect it, but im just laying this out in response to yours; its not so detailed in the end but i made sure its been somehow clarified.




dont get me wrong, im not always like this with every person. perhaps, there are just people whom we feel so comfortable with and only those people are the people whom we can kinda open up to. ill be direct, we are human beings, if not all, then i should say many are choosy. if there are people who arent, then please accept that there are people who are. we may say that we treat our friends equally, but the fact is, we really share more to whom we feel closer to. im not exaggeratingly overreacting, but i felt i had to really make things clear to all of us, yes us.

*phew* okaye, done dawg!
on a lighter note, i sound so the...eeeyer. lol! okaye, ive slipped back into my happiness! tweeeeee. teehee! ;-} and ill prolly hate this post in time to come; tomorrow maybe? lol!

inordinately contemplated

emmm...







*B-L-A-N-K*...ness










many a times...
i think...
that..isnt it just gruelingly arduous for an individual [like me] who is
a total [somewhat] what-you-would-or-could-call problem-free person?

emmm...

zat a good thing?



at this age... im chillin my mfb arse down here...with little experiences in life [not much bad sheyts happnin - im glad...i think?]
very dependent...[but an independent-wannabe.] ;\
and everyday i watch and listen to others' yakin bout their knotty lives, problems here and there and there and there too. geeeee.
well, at least now youve no reason to ask why im most of the time quiet. but if you insist to know, i really find it, unnecessary to share my experiences, be it fun or not.

advantage: neednt be stupefied by whutchall call "problems" [i should really take it off my dictionary...and the next time someone asks if i have a prob, ill just say "whut? whuts 'problem'?" and give that raised-eyebrow-look.]

detriment:
1. little experiences = dumb = me? :{
2. choosing to keep silent = dull = boring = me? :{
3. gets pissed easily with rinky-dink things [just because im not used to it all?]
fuck... *lyaorobl*





ouhhhkaye...



im actually spun out after the whole blank state of mind.
yep...its really frazzling when youre minds empty...regardless the length of time
sheeesh!

"to think...or not to think...
that...
is the question..."
↑ [thasocheesey]

its like...what the hell should i do?! or or or...since people create their own problems[not entirely true but most of the freakin time, yea], i think i should myself, hah. just for the frucking fun of it. geez, i cant believe im being skeptical about this.





im bored out of my wits!
*huh?*



be careful whutchask for jojo...
gahh!
i just wanna graduate, and accomplish my sevendickslong to-do list, heh. studystudystudy...
can die uh!




****i dont know why im not friends or close with people who are like me. i do know a few! really, i do. but were like in different places - and thats the hindrance! ouhwell...

sigh...

as of this very moment, and the many other exact moments, im feeling...
limboic...
state of oblivion...

i think...i just dont like what im doin in my life...
i feel like im fawning on everybody
i feel like im too obtrusive

i just dont like where im at...at least for seven years now, i never did...
for no reason...?

perhaps... i really just dont like what im doin in my life...
perhaps... i just really dont like where im at...
perhaps... its the animosity...?
perhaps... im just feeling and thinkin too afar. paranoia?
perhaps... my being a pessimist was/is just kickin in...
perhaps... im...just bored? [worst whatever ever...]

a big sigh again...perhaps?

urrrrghhhhh...

i really need to get away...times just not allowing...
okaye...perhaps i need a big sigh...
but its as if itll better everything im feeling... :(
geez...
sigh again!

urghhhh!!!!

great...
my desire to sleep has "vanished"...
SIGH...

its those days again

some beautiful day...
there are many things that can make us reminisce...
places, songs, movies, food, and of course, pekchurs...
but dont you just love the way the weather just makes you reminisce?
ye know? like - how it harks you back to the old days...

like my oh-so-short-somethin-somethin;
the dusk on sunday; the gorgeous red sunset, the whole of DAY[just daytime...] today [and also the many other days] evoked my mixed good and bad memories...; from grade school where i ran around alot during pe and the climbing up the school bus...to the home trip where i was just lookin out the car window and observin how people live their lives...to the bittersweet memories of just the recent past that i hate to love...*sigh-ers*

hmmm...well, i guess when we experience the good ol days, with that good ol weather with some people[who would later leave us], it makes our beamy phiz turn into a puckered brow...like, how you remembered those nice times[makin you smile]..which then forwards to how much one got hurt and suddenly you get so irate.

kabaaaaaym! how infuriating sometimes. it just makes you regret the things you decided to do at that moment, even if you already knew what you should do but you still chose to defy yourself. how witless! :'( there are things that you just wished you took the other turn cuz there are things you can never recoup.

okaye, okaye, this is supposed to be a fucking happy post...but it sounded sappy in the end. huahuahua. emmm...yeah. whatevaaaah. i just miss the people i shared my good times with. hope to recapture those moments again. *smiles* but its pretty very disheartening that they do not recall those moments. *sigh* blah blah blah shet. okaye. hehe!




PS. thanks SABaBY for the cute little feature of mua on yer post, i felt so the touched, you know, like your finger touch my chest, like the ET style? hahahha. nonono, serious, serious! alarrr, later you confirm say "this wan 'shorty-style' uh," lol. anyway, the feelings mutual, gerl. i hope sushi session will be soon soon soon. cant wait.

booyah!

emmmm...hopefully this months shitloadssa werrrk wont be too strenuous so that i can meet up with MELLY already! gosh.

emmm...i am for now enjoying school. again. astoundingly miraculously.
im doin my mofreakin best to be consistent in my mofu-freakin modules!
and errr, so far, ts'all good. but still gotta go back to my first term and read up til this new mod [thats like a gazitrimibillion chapters? -_-" just to freakin dig every freakin word that freakin appears in every freakin sentence of the book that imma start to freakin read in like! gaziwillion seconds away...how many days is that uh? okaye. whatever.
huwatttevaaaaaah...

emmm, mel? if ur readin this. please. please. please! lol.
bagel.
and donut.
your treat.
and coffee.
well meet soooooon!

okaye.
im spent.
outt[ahhh...]

the irrecoverableness

son of a bitch! this really isnt necessary...
but...
fuck sheyt!!!

my rewritable disk thats got all my files from my previous back up cracked! and fuck my laziness! i didnt double back up my files so all my fucking hard work and fucking sheyts, gone, poof! just like that! urgh! please turn back the mofo time!!! please?!!! i really hate this moment. my precious personal projects and arts all gone with just them crack! and music, and fucking documents and class stuff and fuck! kenya jazz brim back them tym!!! @#^&%$#@^&%^*&%$

Thank You

today's International Thank You Day

so emmm,

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!

im back...

hello mofos!!!!
hahaha!
all my posts sofa king emo wan.
like fuck!
like you all uh!
lol...

get over it

HAPPY THREE KINGS :)

holidays are over. *mooommmmyyyy, it's ooooverrrrr :'( *
*gimme gimme [more], gimme [more], gimme gimme [more]*
schools back. [cant wait for the next hols :| ]
i have been soooooooo busy since holidays started. preparation for christmas then new year. so long of a preparation, didnt have time for projects and assignments!
well, blah blah blah...

emmm, i found my last posts so corny like that...eeeyer.
ouh hwell...
emmm, well, err...
lets see what to talk about...
okaye...i think...i got it...

lets talk about...misconception...about...me...lol...so corny...
well, live with it...coz i write corny things...hahaha...
okaye, seriously now...
shut up...

well see, i blog...usually about SOME events that happen in my life...and sometimes about my views on some things...and sometimes...just. plain. crap.
but i do not post just about E-V-E-R-Y single event EVERYDAY or even just a particular day or even any occasion...
cuz there are some "funny" people who has this fallacy about me that i do not "go out", party, chill with friends and the whatnots...
well, errr... *rolls eyes*
so just because i do not post pictures or post about an event, it so-tota-freakingly does not mean that nothing happened to me that day...RIGHT?! or maybe just because you do not see nor hear about me meet with the common friends, you already have that thought in mind?

but, really...do i have to tell everyone what i did or am doing or will be doing?
do i have to post about me going to a party, drinkin, getting drunk, helping get sober up, meeting up with other "outside" friends, chilling here and there, watching them jam, trashing their places, getting a haircut, doing my homework, kissing people, getting laid, going to a hospital, and all that jazz?

well, geez. thats uber overrated.
here, lemme clear things up...
i post when i feel like it. i post ABOUT SOMETHING when i feel like it.
i DO NOT post about something that DID NOT happen. i do not NECESSARILY have to post pictures or whatever just to prove things to anybody. i DO NOT have to prove anything to anybody. believe me or not, im not bothered. so really, the next time you ask something and i explain and you dont believe me, well, sorry but really i do not care.

ouh, and yea, another thing, i dont find being a loner a bad thing...it makes you contemplate on things clearer rather than being with someone all the time. i guess its why youre pretty shallow.
and yeah, to someone, my bad, i clearly forgot about consideration. for not apologising for disturbing some people before i ask something. i am ONLY human, i make mistakes.
so there.

i love you dadda

hip-hip hurray..hip-hip hurray..hip-hip hurray...
hip-hip hurray..hip-hip hurray..hip-hip hurray...
tayo'y magsaya cuz it's your birthday...

HAPPY 48th Birthday daddy!

aheeeee...

i love you soooo much!
*you gotta hear how i say it*
like...seriously...

okaye...so anyways, didnt really plan his birthday cuz yknow...moms at work...and kuyas at camp...
busy-busy... [bummer]*rolls eyes...and smiles whateverly...*
plus...dad didnt really wanna have a party or even eat out so he just wore simply ~.o
*tsk tsk tsk* [old people always like that...*sigh*]
after mass, i decided we at least eat out...
and since ive been too lazy uploading pictures...here are some...lol...
tita christine, thank you for being a part of the celebration today. :)

at Church of the Sacred Heart

the daddy and the girl... daddy's girl!

the momma and the poppa

the 48 year old boy with his firehouse treat.
i bet he wasnt really ready for that shot momma took O.o

*extras*

the baby...hehehe ;-)

if there's a "the daddy and the girl",
there's gotta be a "the mommy and the baby"!

hello '08

The opening of a new year! Weeee!!! I roughly know the things thats gonna happen this year, according to someone. But I hope we all can change that and let it not happen…

I hope to…
be a better kid
be NERDIER!
be a hot chick, hahaha!
be more responsible
be less of a lollygagger!!!

My New Year’s Resolutions!
→ bett…

…Emm, wait. Should I actually say out my New Year’s Resolution here? If I say it out, will it come true? Or will it only worsen things? Will it? Will it?! Errr, okaye, never mind.

Have a BLESSED New Year to you guys. I love yall.

hugs

g'bye '07

The highlights of my 2007

well well, heres a wrap up of my 2007!
gotta admit this year hasnt been a good year fer me, and us all.
but certainly, there are things to be thankful for!

~the goods [my gratitudes]~
= new year spent with gramms! and cousins. :)
= the safety of tours with relatives [considering im in such places]
= the beautiful things I havent seen in a long time
= the lovely new things I saw and learned in my own beloved country :)
= the safe flight back here
1= the first choice of school and course I got into! :)
2= new friends!
3↓= cousin’s visit
4↓= met a supposedly potential new good friend
= relatives’ visit
5↓= boyfriend -_-
5= being patient with healing

5= learning from mistakes

*edits*
= the good health all year long! no colds nor cough at all :)

and

~the bads~
1↑= O results [which is the cause of 06, but since it happened in 07, its still counted!]
2↑= split with cdss fam :(
3= an unexpected total bad experience with cousin :(
4= a vvvveeeerrrrry big loss of a friendship with the “supposedly potential new good friend”
5= a stupid, motherfucking, dumb decision of havin a boyfriend, lol. ~_o
= loss of an aunt :(
= bad experiences at work :(
= aloofness with my beloved one :(

Tadaaa! Well, of course, that isn’t everything. That’s just some of the things that really made me take notice of…and probably the only things I could remember, hahaha! As you can see, my “goods” has more but I still consider this year, a sorta not-good year cuz…besides my 06’s bad experiences not being as many as this year’s, the experiences this year was more saddening than I have ever experienced :( lol!

That aside, I’m still thankful for the experiences that taught me real good lessons. I’m ever more thankful than mad, hehe. It has helped strengthen me and really, I don’t know what else to say but Thank You Lord God. and of course, the people involved...hahaha.

Thank You SOoooooo Much!