back to a trash-gurl

Sir Archie: "the problem is nowadays, guys don't hypothesize anymore...they are more of assurers..."

they just always want it straight to the point...too lazy to use their brains to think or interpret....

hmmm....

well, that aside....

it's just so hard to argue without each other's presence...distance and budget are the damn barriers...


on monday, early at 7 on the way to manila, i told mom about the recent misunderstanding he and i had...and she told me...

"let him be...michael's a good guy...i can feel that he loves you...don't be too strict on him..."

i dig that momz...what i just don't get is...i got restrained and scolded and was changed so much back in SG til now to be a better person...and i changed because it was my choice to...i did it because this guy loves me and wants me to be a good person and most importantly, i have learned to love him.

but how come our behaviours are interchanging now that i'm here in the phils? i'm becoming the him that i met...and he's becomin' the me that he met...i thought we're supposed to be on the neutral?

God knows how much effort i gave in doin' the best that i can to be a better person for him...it was the hardest...and now it just hurts so much.

i don't do break ups through any types of communication other than face to face.
i sense he wanna end this so bad right now...and i really hate the situation of me being far away...if only i was there...he'd probably spitted the words "it's over" on my face by now...perhaps months ago? but i'd prefer that...to a coward way of doin' it through phone/chat/whateder...

perhaps there are ladies happily/excitedly queueing up and waiting for the day he goes "single"...

perhaps i'm just not worth his love...but whateder it is, hang on, and wait for the day we meet. then you can spit those words on my face...this is just as hard for me as it is for you.

i guess i understand now...i'm not worth anyone's love. it would be a miracle if someone picks me up from the dumpsite and would love me "endlessly"................

and with that i conclude...i'm just a no one.