solitary

Since i am unable to have a fit of emotions with the only person i always share my thoughts with, the only one i can think of is you.

So here goes...

it has been a very hectic journey since 12 july, when grammz had her 2nd stroke and was rushed to the hospital...just when our fam’s recuperating from the crisis we went through, here comes a bigger blow...in a span of just A YEAR, we paid hospitals a ‘visit’ for 6 times...with a total ZILCH of cipher, it was highly unimaginable that we overcame those obstacles. it is THAT fucking tough not knowing where to run to for help..we were entirely on our own, with immediate relatives offering nada...

ironically, with every tougher setbacks that came, it made me stronger; not much of breakdowns and rants as i used to.

the most recent, the week that grammz got hospitalized, was our exam plus the typhoon period. My younger cousins and i took over aunt’s responsibilities of the house chores; cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, going to hospital plus revising for our papers...then electricity was out cuz of the typhoon...enduring heat and eyeache (use of candle) and sleepless nights just to be able to revise for exam was just gruelling.

at that time i wanted to squall and escape...but i took it as a challenge...grammz was discharged a week after...was a breather but our work just got more...taking care of grammz; changing diapers, feeding every 4hours, cleaning, changing bedsheets/blanket etc., then house chores and studies; this time, a thick-paged(4meetings) report, a one-week project, and many other minor subjects HWs. i was at the verge of sinking...physically, mentally...3hours of sleep out of every 24hours but courage kept me up when mom came. She took over my responsibilities and made me focus on my stuff. Thank you so much momzky.

another responsibility was gonna be thrown at me...to be a candidate of Ms Emerald (for College Day) as representative of my course, Com Sci. For a coupla times, i had been turning down the offer nicely...til on Friday, when i was preinformed by my other lecturers that my adviser had finally decided I run for Com Sci. It was flattering but with the responsibilities im facing now, made me decline the offer defensively this time (stating the reason i came to the Phils: focus on my studies and that’s it, no other activities) as i found they were making it seem like no matter how hard i try to refuse, Sir Arch has made up his mind and i have no choice but to cooperate. it was unfair that he’d accepted others’ refusal and then with no other options, just impose it on me. The paladin that i am, i don’t think they’d be able to ask another time, not even as a favour, but the chance and experience that i’d be missing is quite a waste.

hmm, iunno what i’d do, how i’d cope if mom leaves...i won’t have the option to not help anymore since i don’t have anyone to takeover my duties...i’ve spoken about that to mom and tomorrow when we go to manila and spend the day with her and hopefully with my brother, i’m gonna have the chance to show her my gratitude...i can’t wait to bond with mom. Hehe.

Well, it has been great divulging my current situation to you.

Like i said before, when everyone has walked out, only you and He will be left by my side and i wanna thank you so much for that. Though it’s filtered, i at least have spilled what i think i should release and the rest, He knows...