wrong convo

fuck damn...
i dont know if what i did last night was right...
but i hope it wont...ugh..cheeze...
i dont even know the things i was sayin.
why the fuck did i have to do that man! shtoopid fuck.

ouh lalala.

~~~
i got no time fo people who dont make an effort.

~~~
damn, im jammin with younger lads. hah.

~~~
hot damn! arent you guys feelin the fweakin heat? shit huh...sigh.
global warmins a killer. people gettin sick cuzza the weather...sigh.
after dadda, now momma... :( i wancry edi!

clinic

back...lol.
my sunday was a lil fun.
"a lil" bacuz we werent complete :(
"fun" bacuz i got to enjoy my day with my brother :)


were supposed to attend sams baptism but arch and girlf came home late from gym so we just proceeded fo the reception.
dad was supposed to meet us there, but had to go home from work [on a sunday!!! -_-"] coz he was shivering sick...gee. poor dad :(
i didnt know in the east side there are lotssa Filo restos already. cool stuff.
although who the dang would wanna travel all the freakin way to the east just to get some taste of your Home food?
kitchen already i lazy to go...hah.


well anyways, reached Jologs resto early, so we stoned there; camslutting, sitting like its my own home [since its closed for the private function]
brendz and i were feelin hungry already and were just waiting fo em to come so we can dig in! we ended up diggin in the last. hah. yeah well...

then came one of the visitors who was a headturner coz of what she was wearing; short skirt and a tank top showing off more than just the cleavage @_@ haha. nobody can ever imagine shes a chemical engineer. totally unfit fo the occasion BUT fitted the place she was at. jologs=happy go lucky people speaking street lingo. or something like that. whatevahh...

fast foward...since we didnt get to bring cuzz out to escape, decided to chill.
went suntec, but shes been there so we just chilled at clarke quay.
roamed the whole place and then The Clinic bar caught our eyes, hah.
so something for a change.
cuzz didnt wanna drink somethin heavy so we just had beer. ugh, hate beer. -_-"
brendz and i dont like beer! coz beers a carbonated drink. hate it. makes me wanna puke.
i prefer hard drinks...so yeah. whaevahh

enjoyed it with arch. hes still someone i look up to in some things. :)


get well soon dadda. hope momma wont get your virus

weezy

heyhey.
its a saturday!
toooo many things happening, i dont even remember anything...

hmmm, since lifes been better and more colorful for me - somewhat...
i thought i should kinda write about the things happening, so when im limping already and i read back, i can laugh or cry my ass out...

last friday...
ecp, *bomb*.
yeap, the experience i went through with these people just made me become blither...
hahaha. and of course, knowing them better, made me feel closer to them, although theres one i should really elude.
i should thank thiru for comin; ive missed these times with you, dawg! hahaha...
thanks to errbodi; thiru, sisi, haikal, yani, firdaus, sol, eijal, redzal, izzdin, sharim for really takin carra me. i was treated like a baby. awww, how shweetz la!
apologies to shuzhen and yumei for keeping yall wait; and in the end kinda abandoning you gals. i thought youd mingle around but you didnt. i guess you can expect me to be beside yall the whole time, right? geeez. i felt fucked up guilty. but whatevah. lol. i still had fun alright. i hope next time itll be better? :)

saturday...
supposed to have a breakfast date with tasha, along with thiru. but she ditched me - again, hence the dubbed "ditch bitch". hahaha, and thiru said she and i are really friends, known for blah3...
so just went to rest at home.
i love my bruises by the way, haha. felt like younger days. weeee.

sunday...
Mother's Day! last minute plan...
initially: church then dinner at Marche's; so much for arch's blabbering about Heeren havin it when i told him dont have -_-" ass...
we ended up havin dinner at NYDC. twas a lil okaye. but the hundred+ bucks dinner, i should say wasnt worth it [even if i was satiated] hah.
mom enjoyed it because we went out as a family for the first time in a few years. hah. well, i love you momma.

monday...
after practice, supposed to go for dinner with em, but too tired. and since i thought i could get away, nuh-uh. i still got followed. sigh. really just lost my mood already. fuck.

tuesday...
nothing much i think? hah. forgot shia.

wednesday...
liveband meeting. hah, boi... -_-" geez, really.
sharin, apologies. hah. :X
got to have some chat with kiki, finally... haha. that ass.
ely came and both he and kiki were totally killin me la. that holes...
then practice with firdaus, finally.

thursday...
yay, no classes! for me. wehhh...
canteen, fire drill, practice.
off to balestier for the audition, twas okaye.
all was selected. geez.
new friend: shidy. haha

friday...
went to see doctor with kiki!
the waiting time was a killer; what to do...poor girl go to polyclinic only.
well, thats why i needed kiki.
nahbei, wait for one hour plus just to see doc for less than five minutes, haha.
so yeah, its fungus. wait two-three weeks see if cream works. blah3...
then can grow mushroom edi...
went to school for meeting.
while waiting for aida, jammed with kiki, sharin and friend.
after meeting, late lunch with aids at greenridge.
freakin man. creepy.

today...
supposed to go escape! but stupid archie cannot, nahhhhb....
well, i need the rest anyway, fuckin fagged like sheyt!



okaye, ill continue tomorrow. long sia!
lazy to upload pics. hah.
bye bitches, suckers, lovers, haters, fuckers, wehhh... :P

i love you momma!

ha berthday to youuuu...
ha berthday to youuuu...
ha berthday...
ha berthday...
ha berthday to youuuu...

happy 52nd birthday momma!


was at the balestier audition the whole day... geez!
all of us got in anyway...so much for calling it an "audition" *rolls eyes*
reached home all sticky and clammy...
and relatives; tita yolly, tito dino, tita belen, ate tess, were here fo a visit and celebrate moms birthday too...
after the dinner, mom and i karaoke-ed...lol

what i find cute about mom?
she writes whatever she sees with her head...lol
she looks at things in a sideview...[i got it from her]
she will clean everything over again even if youve cleaned it...lol
when she makes faces...very rare!!!
when she farts! *poot*poot*poot*poot*poot*poot* like that!
when she gets perky...[very rare too! cuz shes always serious]

I LOVE YOU mom!

~_o

sheyt...
im fucking blazed...i can fwuck anything/anywho that gets in my way...
weeeee!

real busy but ill find time to write...shigh...

tissue

i dont know...
her perception; because of that, she thinks hes calculating...
my perception; because of that, i think he just wants me to be responsible...
either way, i dont know whos right...
but i do know we have strong instincts about people.
so perhaps, shes partly right.
but im still gonna be neutral :)



~~~~
my weeks been pretty okaye yet fucked up...i dont usually blog about my daily life, but...there, just read! lol.

mon
S&W, went for cardio, and some lower torso training [i dunno the right term for that]
yes, im back on track. gonna have that fab bod! lol. i know my skins fugly. but shuup!
new project on communication skills...
dinner with izz, aids, dzal at ljs.
bumped into my younger-days-crush, hazwan. awwww, haha. "a guy in wonders..."

tue
normal lessons til 1230...
1230 onwards, took my blazer form elroy then headed to auditorium for rehearsal

wed
the real thing...was late as usual...
i got to be an emcee for the graduation...fewer lines than my co-emcee, winson[drama] but still fine.
coz im still an amateur...my first time lei. weeee.
but imma fucking catch up anyway...haha.
last minute changes; apparently, the scripts we had wasnt updated, fuck. but it was handled well, so, whatevahh..

after the event, loitered around the school; cafeteria, canteen, foyer, chatting with people i know. sabby, elroy and i chilled at the canteen and finally sabby left for her duty, and gladly, elly let me chilled at sc room. yay! new friend. haha. waited for five hours for dance practice to start -_-"

and finally, the moment where my day and days to come...just got fucked...;
after 2practices using my ipod, i lost it...right in that fucking room.
no suspicions...but still, sigh.
i really dont know what to fucking say.
YES, i freaking know my ipod is the old one; fourth generation click wheel.
but hell, its still that important to me man...
not only the ipod itself, nor the songs, but the files in it.
*ugh* seriously...
FUCK.

sigh....

thur
normal lessons, fun yet boring towards the end then fun again.
sorry leilei
supposedly a movie date with my thiru. but i thought itd be fun if i brought some friends for dinner instead.
thanks thiru for dinner. sabby, sisi, aida, izzy, wins - thanks for letting me pull yall.
as always, i was picked on; slow-eater, slow-reaction, haha. but nevertheless, they laughed at my dirty thoughts.
thanks faie for the nachos and popcorn :)

today
off to ecp for some fresh air with my ic fam.

spoiler...

first time in a long time have i felt this whacked - from really not doin much [i should say], that i had to be alert[still - even if i was that exhausted...] when walking [coz i may have collapsed anytime], holding on to the "grab poles", railings and leanin onto something just to make sure i didnt fall...
knees were just too weak and pretty wobbly plus the blurry vision - my body was just gonna give in anytime soon, seriously...


~~~
"tak-teng" [ah soong] gave a classwork that was fweakin dotdotdot...
but on a lighter note, he's becoming sarcastic [bitchy -_-] and less serious...
weeee...which is quite good, hahaha! coz that means weve successfully cracked his ice...wehhh..
~~~
pissed at someone who acted all superior to me like sheyt, like i had no right whatsoever to be a "something" to "emprunter" anything from them...geeeeeeeeeeeee. wha-evahh... ~_o
~~~
dance prac was a lil crazy, or so i thought...a really total waste of my energy and time...im sorry, but yeah.

~~~
ive always thought of one day seeing him again. [i havent for 3years...] and it was really nice to, again! weeee!!! i should say hes the only crush i regretted rejecting...heeheehee. but hes not as handsome as he was back then :(
but ouh well...at least we both had a mutual understanding regardin the future...weee, good enough. go hazwan!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^
come to think of it, this mornings sudden hop back to the gym caused my wiped-outness/wipe-outedness...whatever...whichever...

~~~
ok, im really fagged like that...
ugh! really ruined my day. fucking hell... been a friend, ask for help, got that instead. godai uh.

hotbod!

weeee...
im stoked...
this comin weeks a lil more occupied than the past few weeks...
awww, so no one can take jojo out :P

yay, ive reserved rv already!
hopefully in less than 10 years time, itll happen, and make sure he maintains or improves that bod...wahahaha, then yayyyy!

yay, im back to normal with kiki...and that dweebass knows how jiji hated him for the past few days/weeks... wehhhh.... ;S


ouhkaye, i gotsta finish my stupid fweakin dreamweaver sheyt...yeeeeelp meeee!

kiddie rollercoaster

i told you befo, how some things will remind you of someone...
well,
that scent was here again, after a year long.
the whiff that reminded me about the time my heart tingled with glee, broke down, healed, dealt with contentment and then happiness...to anger again.
it is something everyone would and wouldnt like to go through. but its definitely something i miss. not that i want to go through the same thing again though...

that scent i smelled when i woke up on monday just brought me back to where i was, how i was like a year ago. and how that scent gave me bloody mixed emotions i kinda hated yet liked...



i never forget, because i treasure...every thing, every one.
ive no more hatred, i just hurt still, when the memories [of it] visit my mind.
i dont hold grudges and i am even humble and wise enough to give in to people.
i wonder if any someone have this same thinking as i do.
i wonder if i am treasured by the ones who became part of my life...


ouh well, i do miss julian...
and it so happened that todays the date he entered my life...coincidence...
see, i never forget...because i treasure.
but dont fret, ive no plans/thoughts whatsoever for anything...

hero

this morning, a man and a child about 4-5y/o, squeezed into the crowded train, and were by the door. the next station, only some alighted and more crammed...poor dad and lil girl had to bear with the situation...the lil girl worse, her face faced peoples asses...gee.
lil gal clinched on to daddys hips; the highest her hands could reach, while dad embraced his lil girl as close to him as possible; giving her all the protection he could give from the "monsters" around her, while holding on to the door that was the only thing he could hold on to.

it brought me back to those days when i was her age...even up til now, that bond dadda and i had, stays the same. whenever we go out, hed make sure im safe; hed always shift to the "danger side" of the paths when we walk or cross, and while holding my hands tightly. hed always keep me away from scary-looking people...
then to the even younger days when i was just a toddler and hed already teach me wrestling, boxing with my brother, tickling me with his 2-day-old-shaved sharp beard i like to feel with the back of my hands, and our thumb-wrestle game.
and proud to say that we still do that at times.

i admired that dad i saw this morning. its like, no matter how guys can be very sucky in their younger days, once they become a dad, everything changes. awwwww...
shweetz...
kaye, cya

another loss?

i miss em...hope to see us all in dec '09.

--------
ive been feeling aloof with a dear friend; its been awhile [i have been observing] but im keeping mum about it. but its okaye. im not gonna force myself to get back that closeness we once had...ill just look like a freakin fool. but just to let yall know that ill always be here for yall whenever any of you need me. ill probably just be your fucking last resort...
but like i said befo, i dont like to invest too much in anybody coz i know ill be treated unfairly some day; especially negligence...
weeehhh, i sound so serious even if nothing that serious has happened. lol. well yeah. its just FYI. and yeah its what im feeling. so shuup...

aaaanyway, im feeling stoked at the same time. aaaand, ill just shuup for now, wehhh... wait til you see me. lol...


-----
daaayyyem! i just cleared my bowel and im havin that "sensational" feeling again... -_-" wahhhsehhh...okaye..chiao....

wantif

ouh gee im feeling wee bit better again, then later, fucked up again. wtf!

awww, i miss someone and the thought of bumping into each other keeps replaying in my mind. gee. why like that! i hate urh!
i want pizza, i miss pizza day yesterday coz of my bloody black mood :(
i want sushi, havent got the chance to visit the malls...
i want donut, if only i didnt bother about my health...
i want prata, waiting for the next eat-out-at-coffeeshop during break...
i want beach, if only im fair enough to go tanning for that bronze look... :(
i want drums, if only i have my own home!
i want to go clubbing, havent gone for a long while ~_o...
i want more freedom, to do whatever i like urh!
i want to go home for shopping, if only i got my own easy-earned-cash!
i want my dickies fleece, you guys!


die arh! havent cleaned my room and my cuzzins will be here in less than 24hours! i hate, i hate! postpone arh shia! i lazy...
okaye bye.

dummee

and finally, after a few more shitty sheyts, i finally lost my mood for anything.
im sure nobody likes to go through the bloody transition from having that jolly face to that fucked up fuckface...

i have been patient for the past few weeks, not minding the things happening to me. but today, in the middle of ..., i just totally lost it...
geez. i contribute something and suddenly, its like bein dumped in the stinking dustbin and like all my efforts are just bein walked over. ewww. ~_o



ive been a supportive member yet i feel invincible...
ive somehow felt that i was being...dominant towards opinions? but only because i felt that what was being said was unreasonable. im sure its not wrong to guide one another even if one is of a lower position? hmmm...and talk about "openness"...gee [rolls eyes]

ive been a good friend yet i feel neglected... :'(
iunno but i just feel this way. i guess because im used to being pampered much and when i see the attention that i used to receive has died down, thats where i feel down.



and despite being the carefree person that i am, i do get very affected still...and the thing i hate is investing my trust, care and openness to certain people i thought will treasure it but i always feel its just being thrown aside :( sigh. if i show the "heckcare" face, youll all think i dont care[heartless], if i show care and concern, you all dont acknowledge...like...WTF...
fine ar, i may as well just be like that all the way lar. the me-no-care attitude. nahbei.

wed the weather

sun sends glimmer...
delivering remarkably fantabulous colors in our beautiful sky
with big white cotton candies...floating freely
while birds enjoy the free gargantuan space;
perfect for skygazing at the beach.
then comes the zephyr nights,
til the wee small hours
trees swaying to the rhythm of the breeze;
perfect for stargazing.
even better if with aurora and shooting stars...

mmm...grasp the beauty of nature...
yyyep, im lovin the weather; mornings til late afternoon [then weather goes bonkers around 3-5] and finally love it again in the evenings til late afternoons and the cycle reiterates.


it takes away your heavy thoughts...although sometimes it also makes you wonder what waste it is cuz you cant fully relish the beautiful weather with thoughts drilling your system...gee-whee.
ouh well, just take it all in...
yezah!



nice to got to go home with leilei today, teehee

senior stundentzen again...

first day of senior year...
didnt get a good sleep, woke up at the time when im supposed to be on my way to school, had to have a rushing bath, didnt get to iron hair -_-", had to take a cab, got stuck in a blowdy jam, squandered 20bux just for waking up late, screwed up in the performance and PANDA EYES. lol.

emmm, happy moments? the lil sistaz and bros [ive gotten to know during the holidays for the dance]; inspire club la...first lesson with soong, where the moment dada and i walked into the quiet classroom, became raucous [thanks to us lah, see their faces so dull, eeeyer, heehee], emmm, the chilling at foyer with former class and IC, some girl-talk on the way to bustop, lunch and eventually pool-ing.
emmm, its the laughter, really.

daaah, thats my first day of senior year la. ouh and home and dinner and TV of course, duhh.
taaahhhaaa...
kaye, bye beytch! [hope not gombie late tomarrah again, lerrr]

lets just work it up ;)

hi...
okaye, let me be a lil serious here...heehee...[okaye, the cheekiness cant be helped]

so yeah,
when jojo found out on thurs, about the class shes gon be in, the second name she looked for was leileis...
iunno, and not that i didnt care about the rest, but i guess coz hes the only person that kept telling me that we should be in the same class this year.
and when i didnt see his name, i got a lil down; and i was kinda wondering the whole day, whether or not to let him know, or for him to just find out on his own...[emm, is that considered as selfishness?] i just really didnt know how to tell him; i mean i myself was sad, so twas kinda hard to even tell you myself...sigh. and yeah, i was already missing my moments with my leiling; my going-home buddy, his lending of fleece, waiting-buddy, etc. bottomline: hes one of the few people i kinda deeply depended on almost everything the whole school year. and to weigh it in, hes done the most for me in school, heehee. awwwww...bet youll be youve been tearing by since junnow. haha.


but of course, on the contrary, i was happy to see the rest of the 1D in the same class. emm, weeee for that... "weeeee..."
ive got a whole list of classmates to thank for. but emmm, alot laaa. then by the time you start reading the next word youll be like "zzzzz"-ing already... ~_o budden later i dont mention your the names, you gimme face lidat...walenn. dilemma siooo... aiyah. HECK ar. as long as im really thankful for all the help you guys have given the class; most especially, jojo. and i really mean it from the bottom of my broken fixed heart, okaye... deh...

aaaanyways, regarding this case, im really hoping that the people who said they wanna help leiling out, will really give time to help him out.

but you know what, like i said, if this doesnt work, then at least we did our best; we fought, and the only thing we can do, is accept what we are given, and even if we may not like it, lets just make something out of what we are "assigned"/"dumped" to. and who knows, we may actually be better at that than what we thought we could be better at. this may be our path to success; destiny. sometimes after fighting for something, we realize we cannot force ourselves in some-thing/where/place that we dont belong to. He may have better plans for us. trust Him. this goes out to those appealing and generally...everybody [lets all apply this in our lives]


and after all that...
"hyeaw baibeyy"
teehee...

high with anger and excitement ~_O ?

im feeling
fuckingfuckedupangrymadshittypissedagitatedannoyedfuriouscrossedinfuriatedlividirateheatedoutragedirritated...
and i havent the slightest idea why... :|

fucking cheeken ar dey!!! i just feel like throwing my frustration at any of you...
like...just beat the rap out of you...
like really trash your face with any thing...until i cant recognize you.
geez la..i sound so the mofreaking cruel la...
wtf...

sorry ar...lol.


omg! wait...i think i have a reason why!!! that
motherfuckingfuckfuckershitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertitsfartterdandtwat
CHIKOPEH shiaaaa!!! [inside the train, fyi]
i wasnt even wearing skimpily AT ALL!!! and the way he motherfucking stared was like he was stripping my clothes off with the his naked eyeS...*gross*
naaaaarbeiii! i almost wanted to slap and kick his fucking face and ballsanddickies! i wonder if he even had any! its like !@#$%^(*&^%$...seriously...geeeez!
ouh...but at least i cussed at him loudly and pointed the magic finger...*dadddaaaa*
laaaa, wait til something grows IN your motherfucking eyes. heeehee!
*thanks dada for covering? me and cussing at him too*



and after all that...that really isnt the reason...i just felt like cussing...hahaha!!!
but yeah, that inci really did remind me that its part of the cussing, haha, buhgeez..


okaye, the real thing is...
im just pretty fucked up that im unable to do my freakin resposibilities at home :(
ALL the FOUR of us are really so freaking busy we dont even have time to wash the dishes, hang the clothes, clean the house; especially my room. and its mom whos gotta do all these on her off day; today [thursday, for this week].
and the fucking thing is my cousin just gave birth, schools starting on monday, relatives coming over here for their summer vacation which means all the four of us will be so freakingbloody busy attending to them i bet well hardly even talk unless of course asked to do chores or run errands.
siao bo! lidis how to concentrate on studies? i so totally suck like shit already...
i havent even done my self-project! like FUCK ar! kambingbabicheekenbeefturtlefrogliontigermonkey...i-dunno-what-oreadi!
sigh. if only im given superpowers...all the powers of every hero made up in this world. wooohooo!
all but anything about death. heeehee.
okaye, im like getting sofa king lame.

ok larrrr, BYE ar!

foooh...

i can already envisage my getting sick from fatigue-ness/fatigue-ity/fatigue-ation, lol.
these past few weeks has already been a tiring one, let alone this comin weekS - its gonna probably be a hell one.

and note! that this isnt just a sitting-down-cramming-your-head-off-the-whole-day thing,
its a moving-about-with-freaking-full-energy-all-day-long thing.
its not just focused on one event...but four - for me.
and those are my commitments, that doesnt yet include my commitments here at home; chores and my room, my personal time off; chilling, watching TV, eating, going online, family; and of course, academically, my studies.
and all of that, can mean "back-to-2or3hours-of-sleep-a-day".

hmmm, the next few weeks youll probably call me an "anorexic emaciated zombie".
my lifes gonna be like this for at least a month more. hell-week month
like *&%^$#@$&*%^$#@$%^&*^%$#, seriously.
and the thing i dread is, cramming so much in just a freakingfuckingasstardshitpiss week [this week] that when the day comes, everything we worked hard for, will just go down the s-melly drain sewer! sheytzo...it better not happen.

m-ass-age mee

updateyyy!
jojos in pain...muscle ache-ish! i cannot bend down anymore. :(
yesterdays practice without warming up plus usin the gym equipments even for a while did me baddde...
awww...

anyways, ive been workin out since mawnin til now, heehee. so yeshhaaa, im bathing in sweat! yeah babyyy! okaye, check back later! kwang kwang kwang!

ouh and i hope saturday wont rain...

fooly

BOOOOO!
first of all,
belated gweetings to sam, cuzzie jen, cuzzie john paul and leiling, though ive already greeted em.
advance gweetings to cuzzie adrianne, cha, nunu and whoever is gonna celebwate their birfday...sheeez...

jojo went for dance pwactice junnow...the-then she went for her appointment at Bonafides and
cut-ted her precious ugly hair...yeah babby...ive been bonafide by the one and only bonafide Bonfides. [wahsehh. emmm, wonder if the guy complained from the perspiring smell i had, heehee. but i bet not lah, coz i didnt smell that bad! uhh, right, right?]
well, uh, anyways, of course, my hair is d-ry and rough because it all started...once upon a time, long long time ago, when i was in pri4, i started putting Wella on my hair everyfreakingday that even if there was no Wella, id look for gel...up until pri6, then sec2 when i made my hair jappy and "gatsby...gatsby...gatsby...gatsby..." wax came, used that evewiday til...i dont know when. but i know sec3-5 or 4-5 i was wax-free already...lol. and then...
TADDAAAAA....my hair became like this now! awwww, poor me :( but its okaye.

anyway, wanted to take bday boy leilei out for kfc but i was just dead beat from all the dancing and the walking and the bloodyfuckingfuckingbloody standing - all the way, nahbeiii...[i still have weak bones you know! and yea, i already drank milk, so shuup...] but mommy called me for pizzaing instead, so i had to push my leiling thought aside, haha.

aaanyway, i fooled my sammy just now! huahauhua...dumbass...weeeee. im shoooo happeeee...hes the first one though. maybe ill continue tomorrow. huahuahua.

to ewibordy, happy apwil fools' day
and HAPPY FOOOLING, foools...