back to work-out...Day 1. i woke up to watch the videos i loaded last night. several vids were of Ciara's. the culprit that triggered me to have an adrenaline rush. i hope i get this every morning ;p i do miss havin' the slim tum.

lunch with the cheebei galz. i was so lookin forward to eat lotssa fried vege lumpya only to find out the cheebei galz have gobbled em all up! BBOOOOOOO! i really don't feel comftable eatin' foods at other karenduryas when it's not 3Ks[loyal siaaa]. *sigh* never fails to give me the feeling of the meat being of other animals' & also the puking sensation i get all the time..zzzz =.="
PLUS seeing my bestfriend unwell just gives me the sucky feeling of not being able to do anything when i so wanna. ouhwell. i just hope she takes care of herself more by ABIDING the rules of her DIETARY and not eat foods she knows she's not supposed to eat... ;'( i hate seeing u like that. stop being a bitch to your body.

reminiscence. the weather caught my attention at Stats class today...
being located at 4th floor, students get to enjoy the heavenly scenery that outlooks Batangas...and i for one, have always loved skygazing; particularly when it's SUNNY; forming shapes of clouds whenever i was at the Esplanade rooftop or the VivoCity Sky Park...

though, the only reminiscence i had earlier that kept replaying in my mind, was walkin' hand-in-hand from the bus stop towards
BLK 202 and vice versa...why that setting? *shrugs* i don't know...i don't have power over my mind...do you?
at that moment i so had the itch to teleport back home just to inhale the atmosphere and relive the moments even just for a little while before i get snapped back to reality.

i suddenly had the strong desire of goin' back either this sem-break [but Mom's comin' to visit] or Christmas [i so sure-guarantee-confirm-chop cannot...ticket prices are just skyhigh]. i wanted to scream my lungs out and cry even though i was happy. you know the moment you get when you're interacting with your classmates and unanticipatedly get that disruption? it really brought my mood down for a few minutes...but all thanks to Ms Tin's lesson, helped get me back on track ;) i never fail to enjoy her classes ;D



awww, i missed this. i hope this will be consistent again. i don't know. i guess i finally got my keen back to write ;p yeyyyy! this is pretty good ;) keep up the good work, me. ;p

19/09/2008

the day i confessed and expressed the affection i felt
in the trite 3 words.

"just hoping for u to let me love you..

I will make sure youre happy with me.

I will never hurt you.."

"remember..."im yours" majo.
naks..  
i will still be waiting for you to be mine and accept me... :D"

One should know what they really need and want in life. 

Determine only after excogitation, 

not the spur of the provocation, precipitance and fervour.

When one has acquired their desire, take them not for granted.

Take no advantage of 'em.

Being successful in life in the form of ego & all kinds of materialism, 

will not make one, whole.

One may have all the wealth he's been striving for all his life

yet has no one to share it with, 

then he isn't triumphant - still. 

"Never give up, no matter how bleak the situation: You just never know..." just travail.

cry

the feeling of missing the people you love so much, you just wanna hug and kiss 'em, but you can't...

cuz you'd rather isolate and keep your distance just to avert further emotional anguish and misery.


cry it out.

Google+, Facebook,Myspace or Twitter?

facebook. waiting for google+

anything...whatever ;)

Happy birthday, Jo! As you turn a year older, what's at the top of your to-do list? :D

be a good child to my parents and reach for our goals and dreams ;) it's always been my priority ;) to make my parents proud...if i ain't good 'nuff to be a scholar, i can at least be my parents' scholar ;)

anything...whatever ;)

What have you wanted to do for years but haven't gotten around to yet?

crazy sports.lotssa crazy sports...

anything...whatever ;)

What's your honest opinion of me? (If you're brave you'll press ask followers) :)

What's your honest opinion of me? (If you're brave you'll press ask followers) :)

Answer here

Sweetest thing done for you?

Sweetest thing done for you?

Answer here

Sweetest thing done for you?

MAKE a gift out of scratch with all the memories shared.

anything...whatever ;)

first impression on me?

first impression on me?

Answer here

What's one thing you own that you should probably throw away, but never will?

What's one thing you own that you should probably throw away, but never will?

Answer here

...

those days when the world's against you regardless of the good things you do will just make you feel like fleeing...are back...

things have overturned...the bad guy's become good and the good one's gone bad...then all the good things the new baddie's done in the past has all been wiped out clean and overruled by the ugly qualities he's recently performed.

least appreciated. always. eversince.

ouhwell. can't blame 'em. they aren't the only ones who has disfavour against him. so i won't be surprised if one day those people forcing themselves to him will feel the same way about him...

FTW.

...

i am hard to love.

...

i do not know if this will be the worst feeling i can feel with my bestfriend...
but currently, this is the first time i've experienced the most excruciating feeling of being ignored and brushed aside by my bestfriend.

i did not have the intention of spending my day like this.
had i known i will be treated like this, i would not have waited just to WASTE my time being snubbed.


when i found out you guys were going to SM, i got hyped..for i knew i would get to spend some quality time with my bestfriend again.
when i saw you with rochelle, i locked my eyes on you, waiting fo you to notice me and when you finally saw me, i smiled with excitement...but...
you gave me that snotty look; raised an eyebrow and continued walking on with rochelle...
okaye, i get it. you did not like what you saw but i did not let that get into me so i waited for you to come back from the washroom..and when you did, i even gave you a kiss and said 'i miss you'..and i did that because that's what i felt..i didn't do that just to make you feel better..and i don't know what you felt but again, you snubbed me and walked into the arcade with rochelle, leaving me behind. MJ felt so bad that he told me to walk ahead and walk beside you, but the look that you had, walking with rochelle, talkin' bout things made me step back cuz i didn't wanna be an extra shit, tailing you around, knowing i wasn't part of your convo. that, i respected.
i sat beside you, and tried to talk to you, to make sure that i have my attention on you but you just rattled on with roch about things i don't think i know. i couldn't quite hear you guys but i think you guys were chatting about boys...cuz the tone that you had, sounded so cheeky...
and i thought to myself, how come i feel like i don't know about this, i didn't hear you talk to me about this. then it reminded me about seeing you chatting with tyrone on sunday...and i thought i was a bestfriend enough to be told about these things? how come rochelle had to be the first to know? how nice.
it didn't fuck me up. it hurt me. i was right beside you! on your left..but you chose to speak with the other person next to you, on your right! i was there, i did my part and made sure you still had and always will have my attention but i was ignored. you had so much things to talk about with roch and when it came to me, utter silence. i wanted to leave from the start...when you and roch went yacking and me being ignored because i was getting teary. but i told myself that that'd be an immature thing to do. so i waited, yet nothing happened.
i c-l-e-a-r-l-y wasted my time. i wanted to cry cuz it hurt so much. i tell you everything that's happening in my life but you don't. and i respect your belief that some things are just not meant to be shared. what i can't accept is the fact that things you share to other people, you don't share to me.
then i guess i know where i really stand in your life.

putatively 28th...

i'm not insensitive to actually not remember this day...
feelings and thoughts are effete if you refuse to divulge it...
for you will forget the days you felt that way...
hence my frequent disclosure ritual

i treasure every thing that has hit and hits me hard.
;)

i treasure 26. ;)

i'm hard! ;p

here's what you'll agree with...

3 reasons you'll hate and unlove me:

1] i'm hard to please

2] i'm hard to convince

3] i'm hard to love

cuz i am a hardheaded & hardhearted person.

period.

pain

sigh. okaye. so he's totally taking me out of his life.
days back...he still had our photos in his 'Profile Pictures'. now it's gone. and cropped. =.=
then lesslie...
what a fucking weigh-down...
just feel like really goin' off already...

i feel like Saturday's chat was useless.
even if God knows i didn't lie much to him...
and i was brave enough to be guilty and i came clean in the end, it's useless.

the more i see disappointing things...the more i'm really gonna retaliate...it's just not helping me...it's dragging me further down.

love is unjust.
the emotional pain i feel is like death...
i'm havin' thoughts of it again...
it's crazy but... 2nd heartbreak from a Filipino guy i gave my everything to. even more than my 1st love...
just too much.
i'm givin' up soon.......
it's gonna be a real goodbye.
don't be surprised if one of these days...
;'(

gettin' up.

yesterday & yesternight...was an outpour of despair.

i know not what had gotten into me but i know i still intent to mend the bruise i have caused both of us.

it will take time.

please, give me time.

for time heals everything, they said.

i want to learn to love myself again first...

before i continue to love you again...

i still love you so much...

but i wanna transfer that excess love for you ['so much'] to my own soul first.

i'm still lost.

most of the things i'm doing is out of heartbreak.

the happiness i get from the people around me is temporary...

due to lack of self love, perhaps.

i've learned to depend my felicity on the people around me.

i wanna learn to trust, love and believe in myself once more.

it may take days, weeks, months, even years.

but i hope you'll still wait.

inform me, if you can't.

i'm just lost.

i need everybody's guidance.

your guidance.

show me you still care...

"no regrets, just lessons learned."

bitterness.

ouch.
that's so unjust.
so ungentlemanly...
cut the convo cuz your're being whelmed by your fucking ego again! my enemy!
ugh! give me more reasons to unlove you, please?!
just so i can get over you already?!
please?! i just need more of those hurtful words...
so i can hate you.
i hate this fucking feeling but the more you hurt me...the more i get numb...the more i get stoic.
i just wanna be stoic on love again.
i learned to love real...but i end up hurt.


fuck.
you just provoked me.

i wanna play with love again. i wanna see how guys hurt like i just did.

bitterness.

you are unjust.

i am gonna haunt you when i fucking die.

son of a fucking bitch!

only just a dream...PART 2

i didn't know sleeping all day can give me dReams i dReam of happening...but is FAR FROM HAPPENING :(

UGH! i just woke up fRom anotheR dReam of us...OOG.

why is it that now that we'Re gone, i get fRequent dReams of him?! and didn't when we weRe still togetheR...tsktsktsk...

i was back in singapoRe...and michael and i met at a shopping centRe somewheRe in City Hall to have the pRopeR closuRe.

i decided we eat fiRst...the place we went to...was a buffet place [cosy auRa] tho with a confeRence being held =/

then at the side of it, was like a small paRt of a Food CouRt wheRe we could BUY food...took me long to decide what food to buy...tho i don't RemembeR if i got to eat cuz of the long queue in eveRy stall =/

we then went to a bookshop, fooling aRound while looking foR a plastic coveR foR my notebook =/

then walked while chillin' like how we used to be...

we Reached my place then we went inside my Room...we played the bike thingy foR kids? only thing is it's foR adults...lol. so we went Round and Round my Room...laughing ouR asses out...then we got tiRed and he laid in my bed. then i decided to join him afteR tuRning on music on my lappy. i laid down and i staRted to get emotional...and i kept saying soRRy and that i just want eveRything to be back to how we used to be...and that i pRomise to neveR do anything he doesn't like me doing anymoRe...my teaRs just kept Running down my face and he shut me up with his kiss...and we weRe about to make out when i heaRd noises outside...

i checked it out and mom and dad weRe theRe...Removing theiR shoes while talkin' 'bout the unknown shoes which they suspect was michael's cuz of the plan of having the closuRe i told them about.

"hey mom, dad...michael's heRe"

"yea, we noticed...theRe's a paiR of unknown shoes"

"hehe, yeap."

they weRe shaking theiR heads...thinking of malicious things =,="

*at 1709 houRs, James MoRRison's acoustic veRsion of bRoken stRing was playing on the Radio...
AND THAT WOKE ME UP!!!*

and i just got MORE emotional...tsss.

it's like...as days pass, the moRe i'm feeling of the loss?!

eh! why i always late Reaction aR?! OOG.

sigh. i can't change foR the betteR if i don't have a good Reason foR the amelioRation. he knew it way befoRe...once he leaves... i'll be like this. i just wanna be good again but...i can't see myself being good foR no one but him :( he's the Reason foR my change...tsss.
call me shallow, i don't give a fucking fuck.
yes, this is the immatuRe me...
you alReady know my weakness way befoRe yet you chose to use it against me by giving up on me...
i'm blaming you foR what i have become and am becoming now. tsk.