eye opener

hello. emmm, i dont really know how to begin. well, after this early mornings discovery of something which i actually put on hold til this evening, it made me reflect on things more serious than ever before, the things ive been doing, things i wanna do and the world. maybe some of you may have already known about this but ouh well, i just got to find out about it early this morning. i came across danna's friendster profile and saw a "youtube video" comment. i never usually watch youtube vids on peoples profiles but somehow, this particular vid made me. i watched the first few seconds of the vid and the words i saw, "hell or heaven", "...but something happened in 1977 that brought a dramatic change in the life of dr rawlings [a scientist]..." this gave me goosebumps and since it was already around 4-5am, i decided to watch it today so i wouldnt get scared. well, i had forgotten about it the whole day til around 8+ in the evening and i decided to watch it since i was eager to know what it contains. its nothing horrific like ghosts and all. and this isnt just for the christians at all. this is for all. the vid i posted isnt the same as the one i watched, i chose this vid cuz its more precise. just watch it.




now, correct me if im wrong, we all know that scientists dont believe in God and have doubts about the existence of a deity or similar supernatural and religious claims. and i dont know how many of yall will believe this and its up to you. i just wanted to share it because i felt i had to. like i said, i was never interested watching peoples vids or vid-comments but im sure and i know HE made me watch that vid for a reason. now i may be wrong, overreacting, exaggerating or whatever ya call it for those who arent so religious or who just dont believe but im just doing what i believe i should do. so yep. thank you. read this to learn more. http://www.av1611.org/hell.html
when i was younger, i had thoughts about hell being literally just under us, like how the inside of the earth is made of. well, we will really never know the truth til we all experience it ourselves right? but...

"blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe"

blank

so the many people celebrating berthdays thiz month! sheesh! wassep widdet!? lol.
belated happy berthday to marz, happy berthday to rv, advance happy berthday to the rest...too lazy to type your name. yarhh...like youre not used to hearing that, teehee.

anyways, i got sofa king borred that i decided i bake a cake. temptation oreo cheezcake . weemmy. teehee. dinn get 'nuff sleep last night. lerrr...stress nye aku. classes are gonna resume soon and im not looking forward to that. im too lazy to even think of school. im too lazy to even wake up in the morning but i force myself anyhow just so i could do something worthwhile. im too lazy to go out but i force myself just so i could show my face to the world once in awhile out there and not forever just in the world wide web. lol. whutteva te that. i dunno if im the laziest person in this world cuz im too lazy to even think of anything at all but i make the effort anyhow just so i could keep going. teehee, i think if my sluggishness continue, then i wouldnt be surprised if one day i were to be lazy to fall in love, roflmaol. wahh, just to think of that uh, ill get lazy to wake up, lazy to do anything, so all the time on the bed, smelling like sheyt...eeeeek! ahakz. but too bad! i smell like a baby! bluek! okaye larh. i really got nuthin better to type. i just wanted to type type type, dont care good or not. lalala. okaye, ill get back tuh mah game.

lets go dumb

this is why im hott

im hott kez im fly
ye aint kez ye nott

ye ticked off?
then knuck if you buck!

the aroma of it

lalala . . .

characters...

i like jeff's "pon and zi" art. very cute indeed. the only art i like from wajaholic is his prominent "i give you my heart". zindy, the first artist i liked. shaka.


~~

talk about pretenders. geez. lets face it. we all are. not only our surroundings. we may not be as big of a pretender like we all think or say they are but were still considered as one. we either pretend to not hurt people's feelings or we pretend to be good at first, then stab em in the back. but aint it all the same. lol. we fall for their act. we find out later. we get livid. we hate em. blahblahblah. and our choice? vengeance or to just-not-bother. ouh bloody hell. as much as id like vengeance, id rather put my mind somewhere else. think of it. weve wasted more-than-enough time falling for their trap, would we still wanna waste yet another more of our time for em? time is p-recious, my friend. but yes of course, if youve got a whole lodssa free time and you happen to be a mischievious one - and maybe some kind of evil too, then go ahead; do yer thang. revenge can be quite alleviating. but if youre more of a wise one, then i dont need to say it, you already know what to do.

will get there

SHAKA! go sonya! good rippin! sonya balmores. a 2004 miss hawaii teen usa then a 2005 miss hawaii usa is an amerindianishpino american-indian irish filipino whos a hawaiian; a native of kauai and is currently on the show, beyond the break. teehee. shes a surfer. i remember my fave surfer back in sec2, holly beck; whos now a president of international womens surfing and is ranked no.9 in wqs. dank.

i used to do sports alot; [*boasts* self-taught blading at 4, cycling, medalist in hurdles and running, badminton, once in a schools winning basketball team, and a wee bit of le parkour, etc. i was a tomboy! teehee. but ask me to do all that now, itd be hilarious.] i loved the water too and so swam alot when i was a kid; always on the beach every weekend til i enrolled myself in p2 that made me turn away from the likes of plunging into the water; i really nearly almost drowned when coach put me in the adult pool and i suddenly just couldnt pull myself up. i realized its that small curiosity of that puff that weakened my lungs and not be able to hold my breath for long - til now; even if its not in water, i suddenly just get jitters and would not be able to breathe. its kinda like a lost hope for me to do stuff i wanted to do; like water sports. ouh gee, and im old and here, sheesh. but i guess its never too late right? yeah. maybe when im all independent - and i mean all independent, then i can do my "to-do-list"; which involves many adventurous activities. for now, the people who are surrounding me knows i cant do sports as i used to - while those who knew me back then knew who i was. well, well just see how it goes when im older. teehee. and im not about to be dissuaded by anybody who thinks low of me. hehe. gotta keep the spirits up yknow! its one of the many things i planned to invest my everything on; not just money - but really e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. see ya citz! shaka!

korekorekoreko

cmooon, cmon, do the locomotion with meeee...
dunno how to do the locomotion? easy bebeh...hips in while hands out then hips out while hands in...then repeat...tahha...funny one...gee im in the 60s mood.

got one more!

Do Wah Diddy Diddy dum diddy doom! yeah! Ang TV days with my crush john prats. teehee! am in in tha mood or huwaat! these are the only songs pumping real loud on my speakers...hehhe!

i think im gettin okaye

ber ber ber ber...sepber ocber nober deber...
well, were 24days late according to our familys own tradition of puttin up the christmas tree just as the ber month strikes. arch and brendz did the tree yesterday before he went back to camp and i did the decoing tadday. wee. theme this year: blue white and yellow. we had no yellow so we used gold for sub. i wanted to have black as the theme but i know theyd go bonkers if they hear me say that. they so oppose to black so much. sheesh! wadda biggie! ouh well...lalala. no comment.

anyhoos, while i was doin the tree, so many flashbacks as well as good thoughts came to me mind.
like like like how i used to love hangin the balls when i was just 4 and those gift-ornaments that made me wish i was a small creature so i could open that small gift which was of course just a styrofoam -_-'... could still remember when kuya and i kept lookin out of the window to see if mom would come back with dad for christmas. and for the first time mom celebrated christmas in singapore without us and she was just sitting at the window, sobbing. sheesh. then good thoughts like like like eh i forgot. ahh nemai [nevermind]...

ya then like that. headache sia. bloody hell. i think im sleepy. maybe if not before, then by christmas id be able to be friends with my unfriends again. lol. nola. but rest assured i will be okaye with people again. "tis the season/love and understanding/merry christmas evryone" teehee. just say hi and maybe ill hug back! what am i talking about. ouh well. joanne joanne. im such a sucker for food. i think ill go food hunting now. bye. oh shit. no food. oh bahhh!!! killer headache, ill jush sh-leep on it.

but i picked the wrong person

i just thought id share what i feel.

its not a tosh, heed it.

hmm, i guess im used to it. tis been more than a decade already. i guess thats why i feel easier this way.

~~
3years, and youre still behaving that way. please dont because youre only hurting yourself. after that talk a couple of years ago, i am still standing by my words. i am showing my gratitude for still standing by me but dont overestimate my actions.

~~
its pretty tough this second time actually. i thought itd be easier, just like before. but i guess because it was more intense, then maybe that explains it. there is only one way. but somehow its more complex. if only i can get it then i may have already been pass that by now. help me help you help me. but how to, when youre being so obstinate. then i guess ill just let time do the job. but bear in your conscience that you are what youve always said you are, all this while and what youd do if this or that happens. now im just looking at it all and thinkin that what youre doin now is none of what youve mentioned. youre proving yourself wrong and youre just being a fraidy-cat. you may be a whole to another, but in whole, youre just showing that lil piece to that another cuz you know you left something behind.
advice: go get it.

timeout, kitkat

okaye okaye, the album leaf plays real good music. and indie lovers will love it. in fact ive noticed from the past past years, other indie rockers and other musicians now have been mixing their music with electronica and experimental genres. if youre loving it then i think here at home youll find it in lush99.5
bar lovers and cafe lovers will dig me. blah blah sheyt. tristeza, the six parts seven, lanterna, eric wollo, jon jenkins are also effing good.

i miss you dad. dont work too hard. those fuckers are just fucking you. lol. i love you mom. dont worry too much. youll just get sicker when you worry more. bro youre enjoying too much you should come home and glue yourself here so you know, you fucking spendthrift and i hate you for that but i still love you. i just want us to have a break. to stop worrying about shits and just enjoy a day or two. sigh. its like shit growin up. everythings just sooo disconnected. i hate the works thats keeping yall occupied while i sit my tush here mostly at home without anyone to connect with. i miss the four of us. ughhh. why do we have to grow up! sigh. i miss home. miss you gramms! okaye, goonye...

proud and loud

alright. just seen the et-bt-tt-comit flick. so yall flat chested girls like me need not feel at all fucked up cuz those galz goin for the silicon sheyt to pump up their boobies for the world to see are the effed up ones. haha. the only part is that the galz in the C(I)A which stands for "clits in action" are lesbos. but that dont mean you gotta be one. anyhoos, great job jamie babbit, tina mabry and abigail shafran. nobodys fuckingly fucking perfect so the next time you insult other people, look atchaself ferst. ouh, but if youre too inlove with yourself then you may wanna ask the people who doesnt like you to tell you what you should look at atchasself. :)

and like i said i WAS not in the effing mood to respond to anybodys messages and calls. so pardon me for not turnin up for the movie, the chalet and the lunch. i do hope ill get back my 15bones though. blahh sheyt. okaye whatever. you know, clearly, i dont know whos readin me bloggo. and clearly, i dont give a
damn damn if you think i am so melodramatic at times you dumdum, cuz clearly, i dont care care. haha. and prolly right now youll go "yeah, like i even care...." and ill just go rollen me eyes...tahha. *chuckles*
and and you may not have to like me to read my blog but im sure you wanna know what i think and what i have to write thats why you read my blog right? right! lol. whatthefuck. okaye, im not trashin anybody at all here. im speakn in general and friends know this is how i am; since my old blog days. lol. and and if ever i am trashin anyone here, i would either mention the name or will just say that i am trashin someone. teehee. im sorry, i just feel high. wakakaka. can you beleive where im at right now? bahh! fuck you.

yes yes the all crazy, weird, i-wanna-kill-this-girl, joannes kindda back. well duh! the blog addey and title describes it all. been drinkin sheytts and eatin slugs. teehee. not telln...shhh...youd so love to kick me ass right now. come come. haha, i think summa yall say "phew, glad were not close no more..." ahakz. and ill say "yyyyyep! im the gladdest..." aight, fuck, im out fer now.

just gotta love it

pardon me for not responding to any of your messages or calls because i am just in no-close-to-even-an-okaye condition to speak with any of you, most especially chillin with you as i actually promised, for ditching you once again as i always do. i just had to be angered again. blah blah shit. 'nuff said.

not today

i dont know if you're just being protective or selfish! youre so one-sided you can never even try to look at the other side of the situation. cant you be more open minded?! youre so hard to have. just because youre used to seeing me like this doesnt mean ill stay like this forfuckingever. i thought at this stage, youd be able to understand already. youre never happy with the things i do. so what the fuck do you want me to do? you expect too much from me when you dont even give me enough. the least you can do is give me the things i ask for and i will be what you want me to be. but you cant do your part while you expect me to do mine. you think youre always right that youve never realised the many mistakes youve made in your decisions! no wonder. cmon man, this is reality; you can never prevent sheyts from happening. wake the fuck up and see that the more you protect me, the more im drifting. you think i wanted this? never. i didnt know that the more i made you see me like this, the more youd only want to. the only reason why i do things like that is because i know thats what youd want me to do because you can never have anyone else do things your way. thats why the smallest mistake i make, you get uptight. youre too perfect even when you see the things around you arent. you know you make mistakes and you just get a lil sorry bout em but when i make mistakes, you go haywire like one fucked up creature waiting to be shut up. and now, you talk to me like ive forgotten about it; like ive finally given in. what if i bring it up again tomorrow?! youll get madder?! cant you see youre making my life miserable? and you think im all right. dont blame me if things happen to me and i cant do anything because youre the only one who made me like this. i ask for little things and you get mad but you expect me to have them when i dont know how to even get them. i can never live up to your expectations. no wonder youre like that. and now youre making me like you too. and youre happy about it. you have no fucking idea what i would have become if i did things my way. but i know youre not threatened at all because you know i won't do that. shit whatever. enjoy yourself now doin this to me. this is the only thing i can do for now. it's okaye. im still enduring arent i? and youre still enjoying arent you? yeayea fuck you.

fall on me

cleanin the house, *phew* arduous...
guests have left, finally over...

feeling: sad
reason: got lobang but mami don't let me work -_-'

*whinges*
~~2130~~
sian lor! at least people offer job then can earn my own money from my own sweat. that oso duwann! waleooo...you know i don't ask for any but at least you won't feel bad or troubled thinkin if i need money right? haizzz...now have to wait for money to drop from heaven all the way down to my the ceiling to my floor and hands. sob sob...siann lar! but anyway i was also erratic about working; teehee. to get my heavy tush up, it takes alot of humongous strength and will - for me. so yeap! but i think uh, if still got lobang and related to food then maybe i take ba!


~~oo15~~
just finished hangin kuya's army uniform...the only reason why i hung them is cuz mama told me to. but i decided to wait for him to come back to do it himself. soo...
> he came back, i told him, he went to the laundry then back to his room. on the way to the bathroom, thinkin he had already hung em...*waleoooooo*...still wait for me wan! @#$%^&*

sian lor! last night slept at 4 then woke up at 930, cleaned my room til 230, had brunch til 4, then vacuum and mop the whole house til 6, bathed til 7, while bathing guests arrived 'redi, cleaned toilet *ugh* til 730, dressed up til 830 then finally dinner! wahhh! @#$%^&* tired sia! this is what happens when people procrastinate. *sigh* took me approx. 5hours to clean my room which i should have done since tuesday =.='...

*sigh* i soo miss having a helper who's pro in this kind of work...but maybe it's a good thing because if by now we still have one, i think i'll be the laziest person you'll ever know. ouh well.

~~

everyone starting from mrs chui onwards til today [ate Vec] said i've thinned. *ugh*

and my eyes are darker. *panda eyes!* teehee. my only asset...haha. okaye more people to meet, more comments to hear! bring it on bebeh!

drinkin milk

hi.
after yesterday's kvetching, i'm not mad no more; 'cept for the greedy people's taking away of the only thing that a woman in that situation can hold on to. how sad.
aaanyways, i'm cheery today! mom's at home! weee! and she bought me my favvy! i love her to death! heee!

i don't love mom and dad and kuya because i need them.

i need them cuz i love them!

oooookaye. aaaanyways...

i got to chat with a long time friend of mine and she told me she actually tracked me down to tell me she witnessed my dumping my

then-boyfriend at Gombak station. gee. funny she actually

"tracked me down" just to tell me that. she was gonna approach me but i already walked off to meet sabz and nunu. the way she "narrated" it was hilarious. lol. and she said that after all these years, i was still that bad ass lass she knew.
but i opposed, "eh! to think of it uh, it wasn't that bad what; i have been carrying that thing the week before, hoping to finally dump it but didn't get the chance to and on that day i was finally releived i got to return it. heavy you know! carry that shit everywhere for very long. too heavy til i accidentally dropped it..."
tahha. okaye, whatever. well, i just never thought there would be familiar people at that time to see me do that. besides, it has been years since we last met, yet i was still recognised - amazingly. waaah. kaye lah. don't say liao. very the that one.


eh, SABotitotot, thanks for the bloody long ass overdued pics uh!

wicked people...

dear blog,

as of now, i don't know how to look at things anymore; whether to still look on the brighter side or just be on the adverse...
i am very anxious about what's gonna happen. i'm thinkin it's all just another trial. but to think again; when he broke the news to me about it, my heart just sank. tita's situation's already bad, and the last thing she needed was to get that. isn't what she's experiencing enough of the hardship she's goin through? still, 't all got worse. and one of her many bad situations is sadly what we're also goin through. gonna have to wait for that til then. but i think it's just depressingly hurting that out of the many fucked up

green-eyed evil people in there, they chose to eye on and target the good people to chuck out. worse still, is that those supposedly intelligent big shots, stupidly beleive on the things they never SEE. why don't you SEE for yourself first before you fucking act on it?! why'd you have to beleive those assholes so easily?! i thought y'all're supposed to be the

L-E-A-D-E-R-S? in the end, you're all just the bunchha brainless ones. i don't know what's gonna happen really. but i just hope that there'll be a BETTER offer for them that those fuckers will fuckingly fucking regret. *sigh* and what i just said,

"one sheyt after another"...

and all my brightside perso will say,

"things happen for a reason...", "...He's got better plans for us", "just beleive"

*sigh*



yours truly,
joanne

sighness

~~1922~~
okaye, i know i cuss all the time. not at all really nice for a female to be doin that. butbutbut, if for anything, i'd rather show my ugly-self than the beautiful[inner] side. why? cuz then you'd know who's tough enough to hold on to you rather than you showing your nice-self at first and then the ugly; finding out that they talk sheyt behind your back. truth be known, i'd prefer to be identified as the ugly one both in and out right in the first place than in the last; where people will start to fall out on you. bottomline, showin my true colors. lalala. okaye, that's all.

~~1845~~
okaye, a lil bett'r now. still swillin on coffee; it keeps me goin. well, i know i've mentioned before that i will never expect anymore. but isn't it hard to do what you tell yourself what to do than what you really feel? so then i say i won't expect anymore but the way i feel is that i have to...*sheesh* well, never mind. for now i feel better, i'm not so watered[sad] as i was just now. *grins*

~~1700~~
i am craving for spaghetti. but there's no spag sauce! how the fuck can i make it! *sheesh* i'm just feeding myself with chicken cocktail; it's the only food my tongue likes in the fridge -__-...i should live in a mall next time, therefore i need not go out. *sigh* i feel there are more sheyts to come. one bad sheyt after another; it just keeeeeps comin...

~~1400-1700~~

as of this time, i'm swillin on coffee.
feeling so f.b.t.d.
dunno why but i've been musing over sheyt.
sheyt like what things i'd be doin in these kind of times. i wouldn't be doin or feelin this sheyt if i hadn't chosen that. *shtewpedd*
yesyes, i am feeling down. i haven't been in a few weeks now, have i? i've been so busy being all cheerful, that i've overlooked on being all gloomy.
now don't go sayin sheyt, cuz i am - just a human being after all. i feel like i'm falling off again. FUCK!
and as of this time, words of encouragements d-o-n-'t w-o-r-k.
i just feel like eradicating you. yes, you. you two-faced, hypocritical, false, insincere, deceitful, double dealing, disingenuous, duplicitous, treacherous, you!
*sigh* i just needta release this; i can't suppress no more.
i deserve what i need because i got duped. when will i get it? i'm gett'n impatient already. whatthehell! but at the same time i know i have to wait. i can't impose on things just like that just to make me feel better, i know it has to be right, at the right time.
i'm sorry i just can't help it. the last thing i need is making the wrong turn - again. temptation strongly dominates me and sometimes i can't control it. butbutbut i have to be strong, that, i know.
if there's any place i can be right now, it'd be gramm's. i'd rather be in her arms; embracing me with her wrinkly soft arms. i just need her comfort. the comfort no fucking one can give me. *sigh*

and after all that outburst, my positivity tells me, "ouh well, it'll pass..."

-_~...

wake up!!! do ur thanggg...

*stoning*...

~{girlishness}~
psssssst!!! my hs crush called last night. haha.

~{back to normal}~
what an ass...i miss the days already. sorry but i hope the next time, i'll be able to make it. haha, only deedee met up with faie and mirul, attendance: 3/10. ouh well, still got next time :) hope it'll be 10/10!
glad to have heard from you again though. it's been like, gazillion years already you mofo sheyt! i miss the guys too! wonder how louhan's hair's like now, wakakaka.

~{girlishness}~

aww, i'm pretty happy to hear the voice of the previous CDSS soccer team captain! and most especially, who once haddd something fo...uhh

N-NNE-NEVER MIND! i'm just too overwhelmed; got carried away, teehee.

~{back to normal}~

i feel like goin back to those days where you guys were still wearing "low-shorts", mirul burn'n his leg hair [busok giler siol!] and kelly's too [she got kinda mad] one time and hasbullah rebelling on the teachers; most especially mrs viswa [aka penguin] and and and making mr siow [aka einstein] cry after all the bullies and the throwing of papers at him and just giving him a hellavafuckinhardtime teaching! *pants*

~{girlyly}~
we were so young back then! so cute and all [well, except for mie at least *humble* =p]
*sigh* memories...how i wish i can relive them, and maybe ditch vans for him.

~{back to normal}~
haha. kiddin'...
PS FIDADOTDOTDOT...FYI, HE'S NOT MY "ALL-TIME CRUSH", JUST "THE HS CRUSH" :)

fuck sheyt. i racked out last night at 2am and mom woke me up at 6 to see her off and then jumped back in to dream more dreams but but couldn't get back to lala land...lerrrr...so i got up and've been on the screen since then. 'i want candy' is a great flick. dunno why i actually have to go out and squander my bread when i can just sit my tush and watch 'erre. ouh yea, it's "the friends". i forgot, hehe. quality time with friends is important. lalala. whatevurr. just kidd'n. okaye lah.

~{girlylyly}~
movie postponed to monday cuz of my fucking zits. *sigh* hope it's gone by then.
aww, i know my skin is never that flawless anyway. but still, zits just makes it all even worse! it's already bad, enya still wanna make it worse! *sheesh* pick someone pretty will ya?! we ugly gals dun deserve extra sheyt to just give us more hard time on looking neutrally well! *ughhh*

~{back to normal}~
fuck! i feel i've been experiencing famine this week. e'rrbody's busy, no food to scoff, lazy to walk all the fucking way to greenridge to buy food, no sheyt, no dosh, no FUN larr!!! *ugggghh* i've literally no one to depend on! folks come home late, so i can't bug em to buy me sheyt, arch camp [duh], friends...well, i live too damn far for them to even drop by, say hi, [and if so happens, fortunately] with some food on their hands! *sigh* but too bad.

plus plus, dad called at 730+ to inform that there was a quake. city area felt the tremors and north side too i guess? well, it's either bukit panjang actually also felt it or was i just "feelingless"...aww shux! wasted! i missed it. i haven't experienced such sheyt!

*sheesh* this week's been a disaster already! well, maybe except for a few events. but really, the worst disaster i guess is famine [lol, what a bad word to use]. okaye! owwwtta herre.

knock on my door and say "hello" and we'll dance crazy

here here dawdling on the second day...but not til a slack-jaw fortunately, i'm not the worst y'know!


~~

ninang genie and i're plannin for kuzzie giannina's 18th birthday come next early april...kuzz jen wants to celebrate her Debut here. so i guess it's a project for joanne.
"ProJiDy" is what i should call it; as in ProjJD, just like the planner's a prodigy!

kool ey? [cuz i'm DANK like that!]


~~

ouh, i got 86 for MME test 2weeks ago. lol, im swanking...was too lazy to brag about it last week. lol. wf?!
but but i think for CMO's exam yesterday...is gonna be a fluff. :( hope not though. imagine, all my tests i did well, but this exam...*sigh* only because i procrastinated on my revision. ouh well, sheyt sheyt.


~~

chalet next week. stoked bout'it! but but i dunno howzit gonna turn out. hope it doesn't bore me. please don't? anyone can come meet me. gonna tell you the addy and you can come peep if you're too shy to meet me. just don't stalk me aight? not til i'm stark-naked in the bath...wakakaka! dancing my ass in'erre.

catcha later!