befuddled

it's so hard - dealing with the inconsistency of this feeling.
at times, i just cannot bear the company - whilst at times i enjoy it
the sequential questions i get, is an uber annoyance that renders me to mull over whether or not
i should prolong the situation i'm in.
thee be, in all probability, beleaguered...
but know that - i myself is feeling worse as i am making a tremendous effort to like a being - that
never really grasp my interest at the outset.

i am not prepared...
and it sickens me more - for i am only compelling myself

the sudden-thoughts of the recent past still haunts me - and i resent it so much.
the nostalgia would make me beam - then, abruptly be in abhorrence.
i fathom it's just not justified...
but i know, it will befall at the righteous moment - which i am solely patiently anticipating for.

i am not akin to anybody else
ergo regard me contrarily


gahh, i hate this. i certainly do.