mood: thwarted, envious enraged...
enraged because...
i'm late for my attachment-work on both first and second day...yeah i know it's nothin' new.
but...the who reminded us to not be late for 30mins in a month [or somethin'] or else he'll have to report to our school and our pay'll be cut...and...
and...iunno...i think they may "dismiss" me...sigh.
enraged because...
at my workplace i've also been warned about my latecoming. sigh.
one or two minutes, they're already very strict about that...what more with 15-60mins...i'm havin the hardest time. sigh.
enraged because...
i have to be compared to my lovely, beautiful younger cousins almost all of the time mom sees me. the messy hair, the shambolic room, the ugly skin, the scraggy-whacked look, the sooo-lazy-can't-even-help-around-the-house-like-they-do-and-take-note-they're-so-young attitude i have...
i get it. i'm just not the dream kid you used to be very proud of anymore. i've lost all that. all i do now is disappoint Him, disappoint people, disappoint myself.
like i said before, don't ever brag about me anymore, coz i'm only gonna be an utter frustration when you find out about my doings. sigh.
thwarted because...
i don't think i can save ANY from what i PLANned to save FOR...from what i WANNA save FOR from my earnings...from what i NEED to save for...sigh.
i guess i can slowly feel the sorta "self-support" my friend's been experiencing...i have to pay for my school fees this time, cuz mom said they have to pay the bills. i understand. cuz i told them before, if i can, i won't wanna depend on them...it's just that, i think what i'mma get, isn't enough for everything - in short, if i pay my school fees and hp bill, i won't have anything left for splurging. [my pay minus my latecomings equals to really little].
so i'll just forget about whatever sheyt...and i'll just do my best to work my ass off for money. money i won't get to enjoy. the only thing that pushed me to work for [besides experience] is extra income...that's what gives me the drive to get my ass up for work almost every day. now i don't see the point in working, but maybe to just help my parents...ouh well. that's a point, right? so yeah. but i just don't know if tcc's gonna wanna keep me since i'm still a novice...and slow and dumb. sigh.
thwarted because...
i miss kelo baby so much that i don't get tired or sick of being with him and i just wanna be with him every moment. but school has started and even if i was the one who suggested to meet at least once a week so that we could both focus on our stuff [his school, my work], i am always the one kinda buggin' him. so sinabe nya saken kanina - na wag ko maxadong isipin kung kelan kame mag mmeet or wag xang isipin maxado [dal alam na nyang mahal ko naman xa] para maka focus ako sa work...thwarted...ako pa tuloy yung napagsabihan kase ako yung nag sabe tas di ko naman sinusunod. sigh. mahirap lang kase. but i'm doin' my best. nakakabwiset lang yung feeling. nakaka walang gana. nakaka sabik kaya lumalayo nalang ako ng konte miske sa text/call/chat man lang. sigh. ayokong masanay na nanjan ka kase hahanap-hanapen ko yan. kase may panahong nde tayo magkikita ng matagal; be it vacation overseas or whatever. kaya sabe ko ayokong pasukin toh. pero andito nako. ouh well. sigh.
enraged because...
i'm late for my attachment-work on both first and second day...yeah i know it's nothin' new.
but...the who reminded us to not be late for 30mins in a month [or somethin'] or else he'll have to report to our school and our pay'll be cut...and...
and...iunno...i think they may "dismiss" me...sigh.
enraged because...
at my workplace i've also been warned about my latecoming. sigh.
one or two minutes, they're already very strict about that...what more with 15-60mins...i'm havin the hardest time. sigh.
enraged because...
i have to be compared to my lovely, beautiful younger cousins almost all of the time mom sees me. the messy hair, the shambolic room, the ugly skin, the scraggy-whacked look, the sooo-lazy-can't-even-help-around-the-house-like-they-do-and-take-note-they're-so-young attitude i have...
i get it. i'm just not the dream kid you used to be very proud of anymore. i've lost all that. all i do now is disappoint Him, disappoint people, disappoint myself.
like i said before, don't ever brag about me anymore, coz i'm only gonna be an utter frustration when you find out about my doings. sigh.
thwarted because...
i don't think i can save ANY from what i PLANned to save FOR...from what i WANNA save FOR from my earnings...from what i NEED to save for...sigh.
i guess i can slowly feel the sorta "self-support" my friend's been experiencing...i have to pay for my school fees this time, cuz mom said they have to pay the bills. i understand. cuz i told them before, if i can, i won't wanna depend on them...it's just that, i think what i'mma get, isn't enough for everything - in short, if i pay my school fees and hp bill, i won't have anything left for splurging. [my pay minus my latecomings equals to really little].
so i'll just forget about whatever sheyt...and i'll just do my best to work my ass off for money. money i won't get to enjoy. the only thing that pushed me to work for [besides experience] is extra income...that's what gives me the drive to get my ass up for work almost every day. now i don't see the point in working, but maybe to just help my parents...ouh well. that's a point, right? so yeah. but i just don't know if tcc's gonna wanna keep me since i'm still a novice...and slow and dumb. sigh.
thwarted because...
i miss kelo baby so much that i don't get tired or sick of being with him and i just wanna be with him every moment. but school has started and even if i was the one who suggested to meet at least once a week so that we could both focus on our stuff [his school, my work], i am always the one kinda buggin' him. so sinabe nya saken kanina - na wag ko maxadong isipin kung kelan kame mag mmeet or wag xang isipin maxado [dal alam na nyang mahal ko naman xa] para maka focus ako sa work...thwarted...ako pa tuloy yung napagsabihan kase ako yung nag sabe tas di ko naman sinusunod. sigh. mahirap lang kase. but i'm doin' my best. nakakabwiset lang yung feeling. nakaka walang gana. nakaka sabik kaya lumalayo nalang ako ng konte miske sa text/call/chat man lang. sigh. ayokong masanay na nanjan ka kase hahanap-hanapen ko yan. kase may panahong nde tayo magkikita ng matagal; be it vacation overseas or whatever. kaya sabe ko ayokong pasukin toh. pero andito nako. ouh well. sigh.
"napamahal n ntin maxado isat isa, hard to let go wat we get used to"
- don
- don
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