happy holidays

'glad mom and dad listened to me and got us to attend mass this morning! huehuehue! arch on the other hand, was on his bed and slept all the way like one @#^&*^$#$!@#$%^&*(&&^%$#@!...[whoops. that was a long cuss, haha] ok. so that aside.
i enjoyed my time at church; ive missed the unity of the beautiful people i grew up seeing regularly eversince grade1, the praises, the homily, the aura of that house and the aroma of the incense, the solemn moments of course, and the greeting the priests after the mass. havent done all that in a looooong time.
got home to prepare for the celebration. twas all good; moms nagging plus the listening to the cheeky chipmunks-christmas-music plus the working-together-as-one helped made our job easier and time more worthwhile :) [a big smile for that!]

growing up, gifts have always been my only anticipation besides food and games when times like these come. but now, i noticed how im not so into those things any more than ive always wanted to even when i 'complain'ed "where are my gifts?!". deep inside me knows i do not need material things to fulfill my happiness. simple things like the smiles on their faces, the kisses, the embraces, the good health, and the togetherness already meet my happiness. i think ive experienced quite enough for me to know the importance of what we really want and need for gifts in our lives. i remembered how acquisitive i was, whining and my being cantankerousness to my parents who would eventually give in to my desires even if i knew i was asking for absurdly impossible things. gee. thinking back, i realised how hard it is to be a parent. theyd still comfort you and will always do their best to grant your wishes. despite your over-ness in everything. and now that im already almost grown up, all i want for christmas is to spend it with my whole fam. hopefully next year.

thank you for all the gifts anyway. theyre all lovely. i had a pretty much good time. especially the night with the blotto, Kris G :) and i love her margarita and my own absolut vodka. but nothing will top the mass, hehe. emmm, lazy to post pics so just bear with the woozy post :) *get dizzy*

my definition of christmas

its kinda funny when parents are scolding you; seeing their brows meet and the voices so stern you wouldnt dare look nor speak. and when they give a wrong statement of what you did, you utter something in your defense that suddenly breaks the whole tension into a total mirth.
ouh well. a total crack up. *smirks*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

the spirit of christmas.
well. its really got different definitions for different people. for me, though, its somehow the truce that takes place in the family where nobody brings up the issues; the quarrels. the loving of our neighbours. and of course, significantly, to celebrate Jesus' birth. many of us overlook the real meaning of christmas. we preoccupy ourselves with the preparation of the parties, and not really the celebration of Jesus' birth. christmas has become just a party full with gifts and food. we've forgotten that christmas is a celebration for Jesus, with food to commemorate his birth, exchanging kisses and gifts not for ourselves, but to remember the LOVE we have for one another that Jesus showed us all.

im not gonna deny. i myself havent been a good person. been neglecting my obligations for God. and as a family, we hadnt gone for the SIMBANG GABI or MISA DE GALLO, ["midnight mass" or "mass of the rooster"] that happens usually 9days before christmas. hmmm. i hate how things are now. but i know ill get us there.

jing-jing

` mood: fucking high
` HEROES season2 January 2008!
` missing alot of Beyond the Break episodes! errrgh! blaming it all on mom for her neverending soaps. -,~
` im very hungry. *jaw drops* famine! o-mah-gahh!
` i miss deeyana, sabrina, ros, nurul, thiru, mel and joanne.
huahuahua.
` its raining acid and water herre...
` im gonna "attempt" to revise later.
` im havin networking written test tomarahh.
` mr soongs gonna test our visual basic codings. whatever the hell that is. `0_0
` im gonna get a BIG hug from Dee.
` and a kiss too...
` i think sabby should gimme one too
` and maybe everybody else...
` i cannot contain my "stokeness/stokation/stokement" any longer for some things.
` lets get down and dirtteh
` im going crazy
` i want a wild rollercoaster ride!
` jon avila is hott
` sam milby is hottt
``` joanne is hotttter...huahuahua...fattest hope!

^ jon ---------------------------------------------- sam ^

ehhh, yeah.

twas nice seeing them on friday. didnt really get to talk to glenn, ree and thiru though; the people i thought i could do some catching up with. ouh well, guess there wasnt any to talk about... but real glad to see the rest. :)

~~~~~mode: preppy~~~~~
ps. [Feeda] haha. i know... like, when you wanna read but like, you get word-dizzy, seeing my blog with just plain words-no-pictures-posts and stuff? well, cuz like, the last time i used my cam and uploaded pics to my notebook, the usb port that i used to insert my thumbdrive into, kinda got infected with virus; the "flashy" and stuff? so, like, after i uploaded the pics and used the cam to take more pics and stuff, the cam kinda like, got "locked?" and stuff? so i cant, like, control the cam and stuff? so, like, im all fucked and stuff? so, like, i had a plan. what i like, did, was like, returned the cam and cable to its place, and like, never touched it since, and stuff. so, like, the next person who uses it, will be like, the culprit and stuff? and my eyes will like, go left and right and left and right, while whistling and stuff? hahahaha! ye dig me?

~~
okaye, shush! ~ֱ@
huahuahua!!! but im serious! i think im bad! but really, if that happens, maybe ill get a new cam! a better one! weee! innit good?

bummed out

get me out of here.
take me some place else.
a place that leads life in a slower pace.

we're all at our wit's end.
we're all jaded.
next station please.

bored of you

ive got scads of rants from the past few weeks. but didnt bother to jot em down. well, of course, its a pretty vital thing for a scatty like me to record things that occur in my life. lol. so since i cant recall any thing, i cant grumble. awww man!!! i love whining!

been neglecting school lately. missing a lot of classes. hmmm. a cause of lassitude perhaps. hope not to get debarred again ^_+" huahuahua. but but but a week more and sem breaks here again! weee!

okaye. *rolls eyes*

17days to christmas.

hug.

im The Simpsons animated show

got this from someone who still owes me bagel and donut and ice cream treat! ~ỡ
Shaka. i was a lil skeptical when i saw my results was "the simpsons" since im not a big fan of and i hardly ever watch the show. but the details pretty much explained it well. and i greatly agree with it. uhhuh uhhuh.

Which Animated Show Are You?

The Simpsons

It's hard to improve when you're pretty much it, right? You're an original, a trend-setter, and, well, completely hilarious. Always a pioneer, you know what you're good at and go with it, no matter what the critics think. At times controversial, you know that you have to make waves to get a big splash. No wonder your way of doing things is always ahead of the crowd.

Just because something's popular, doesn't mean it's hot. From clothes to music to movies, you're way above following trends. Look up "timeless" in the dictionary and there's your face. Such a classic!

Take this test >

errrr....

okaye, so maybe i sounded kinda tainted in my previous post. but errr, im prolly not gonna take it back; i still stand by my opinion on arroyo. and about trillanes, well, maybe he didnt plan his plan well so, too bad.

~~
so anyhooos. im kinda dismayed by a coupla peoples behaviour towards things i shouldnt have[but did anyway] shared some small things with; like how i could make their day a lil better than their all-that day. like how much i wanted to share my little cackle moments with them, hoping theyd somehow appreciate it. but emmm, the feedback felt like a slap in the face when they sort of criticized it. well, my initial reaction? "what the fuck did you just say?!". ergo, i attempted to explain, maybe theyd say something better, but sigh, they just continued to just scoff at it. the thing is, they were very offensively, uncouthly boorish! i dont know, maybe im just being a lil petty about things; but really. its soooo... it may be a small thing to you, for me to be acting frenetic, but errr, what im trying to point out here is the a-p-p-r-e-c-i-a-t-i-o-n. and maybe im joking too much with you that it seems hard for you to sense when i am serious; even if im telling you i dont wanna talk to you or im angry with you or all that jazz. like seriously, fuck off. people have their own art, you love art dont you? you make music. you yourself act. yet you cannot see or even appreciate the artist's work. you quickly pass judgement. then again, ouh well, pigheaded people.

~~
last tuesday, on the way to school, in the mrt i boarded, there seated an odd lookin, thin chinese man in his 40s. he sported a shoulder-length uncombed hair, crumpled house clothes; sort-of like boxer shorts and white long sleeve shirt, had rough skin, and [i didnt really observe his footgear]. he was seated on the third seat from the left. thing is, the second and fourth wasnt occupied. because... he had long scars on his legs and arms. scars of stitches? his face, seemed a lil gloomy yet kinda scary, though hes not givin the scary looks, kinda like harmfully-harmless? errr...yah. so, he was seated with arms kinda like trying to hide behind him. the thing is, its a lil sad that just because he looked like that, people dont already wanna sit beside him. i was a lil distant from where he was, and i only noticed him when i was alredy seated so dont say "then why didnt you sit beside him?!"
so heres my speculations; maybe he used to be a gangster in the past? or maybe he was a victim? maybe he was a gambler? scarred by the loan sharks who attempted to kill him? he did kinda look scary but he had no weapons...goodness gravy. but then again, us people living in such places really arent used to seeing such people who has such kinda strange "tatoos" on their skin. but also, try to be more open-minded? that not all people here are as of our kind? some may look weird or scary and all yet are harmless? hmmm. isnt it that those civilized looking people are the ones who do more damage than those who !only! look like they can harm others? sigh. really cant blame some people for being narrow-minded and not everyone is as broad-minded as some people.

~~
dont blame me if i decide not to turn up because ive realised youve incesed me so many times this year alone. and you havent apologized for any single offense. and truly, i dont know what to say anymore.
*zips mouth* G_G

pulling us down with you

its Bonifacio Day for the filos. dont know anything about that though. but just yesterday, while i was watching wowowee on tv, the show got cut off because of a breaking news. heres my informal written story and assesment.

apparently, Navy lieutenant and now Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV and his men walked out of their coup d’etat hearing, marched through J.P. Rizal Avenue and then turned to Makati Avenue, stayed at Manila Peninsula Hotel. they were "joining the people in calling for the resignation of Arroyo because the President continues to violate the Constitution and continues to plunder the treasury, disrespect the rule of law and prostitute our institutions,"

the hotel guests, of whom were initially stunned by the arrival of Trillanes and gang but continued their lunches and all, were all later waiting to get out because of the stupid scene that really, i thought wasnt necessary; well they finally did. the police gave him and his men til 3pm to surrender and when he didnt, they began firing warning shots then tear gas began permeating the hotel lobby. the media people/reporters were there to get the news to us but later they were all arrested, tied with plastic tie wraps and detained. the stupid thing is that the police didnt tell em what they were charged with; they just arrested em because probably, the govt thought that they were Trillanes' group; using something to get their message out.
they tied the reporters with plastic tie wraps?! ugh! how cruel! i mean theyre not animals, goodness gravy! and! they damaged the hotel! they brought in an APC[tank] and crashed it into the front entrance of the hotel. finally Trillanes surrendered ONLY to prevent further bloodshed.

sigh. i really dont know whats happening to the world. i mean, come on, its not only happening in one place. i didnt know about this til yesterday and i can safely say that im on Trillanes' side. i never liked arroyo's ruling. i could see shes really one evil freak who has many propagandas. well, if i was evil enough, id snipe the fucking bitch *ssooot*[sniping sound]. emmm...*whoops*? such a small lady with a great power. well, yeah i know, size dont matter. but you know the feeling of crushing her to pieces? ahakz.

my views? i really thought that Trillanes was treated unfairly; “I entered politics. The people voted for me, but what did they do. They disrespected the more than 11 million votes that I got. They did not give representation to the people who voted for me,”
and because during the hearing[before he walked out], something fishy happened inside[which prolly made him walk out]. i think he was brave enough to stand up for his right that was taken away from him. i mean, the bishops wouldnt be on his side if he was doin bad right? mom said that bishops were askin arroyo to step down long ago but she refused. ewww! like thick-skinned lor! why let the people vote if youre gonna disregard them? she knows filos do not like her but shes still being the greedy ass who wants power all to herself and decides for herself to stay in power. she wants the power because she have the people in her small hands. she knows we want to oust her but shes being bold enough to stay input. i doubt that even if i sandpaper her face, it wouldnt work coz of her thick skin. hmmm...perhaps she wants another revolution to happen? one bigger than the historic edsa dos revolution that happened six years ago to erap? gee. the phils are still experiencing typhoon right? well, im sure the filos can still move without Trillanes. im sure that sooner or later arroyo will be kicked in her puny lil powerful butt and be ousted and will cry like one lil midget!

omfg, i feel like ive so much hatred in me on arroyo. what more if i was in the phils? haha. but seriously, hope she and her stupid pets[who follow her everywhere] will be powerless tomorrow. cheyyy. like can happen like that! we can all clearly see and observe how our neighbouring countries are rapidly improving and how we all wished that one day, one good leader would just step in and really help us catch up with the rest.i mean its really just saddening that a country who has so much potential is being restrained by the greedy ones. the greedy ones who probably had committed the seven deadly sins! there are so many talented people whose talents are just not being recognized. our govt have been using the wrong tactics to really help the phils up. theyre more like just working on how rich they themselves can get rather than how we all can stand up from our fallen economy. and the stupid police and army who are still siding her are just brainless. GODAI uh you all! okaye im being too much of a judgemental freak! i should shut up now. o_O

but before i shut up, back to Bonifacio Day, i mentioned it because i think its planned that Trillanes want to have the revolution today. but the govt prevented it. so it was supposedly gonna be another historic event in the phils. and i feel like they did that to shut Trillanes up; to cover up their present and future evil plans. hmm. if only all the shamans will get together and shaman arroyo! hahha. okaye, okaye, okaye. i should really shut up now. o_O

*adds*

“Like all evil regimes, there is an end to it.”- Sen. Trillanes

happy slip

a coupla days ago, jig showed me a video that made me crack up and became an addict of. happyslip aka christine is the girl behind all these vidz and no, she doesnt have any production team; she is a one-woman production team; she does the make-up, lightings, scripting, directing, acting, and editing. she portrays up to almost 10 different characters. a lil intro about her, she was born in virginia and is currently living in new york, shes already 31? [and i thought shes only like 23?]. and emmm, why am i sharing this? is she worth watching? well, shes hilarious, shes the "fifth most subscribed" on youtube, has almost 91 000 subscribers, and won second Best Comedy at the 2006 YouTube video awards to smosh. so yeah. she has looks too.
emmm, some of you may be a lil ignorant as to why she does this. first of all, shes not the only one who does these kinda things; theres smosh, nalts, kevjumba, etc [if you guys are really youtubers]. emm, she, just like other comedians, does these to put a smile on our faces, especially to those who are strained from work or life? "laughter's the best medicine". so yeah. its really worth watching. thank you. and... happy slippin!

feed me with love

Emm...
Happy Thanksgiving.
Turkeyless.
in fact, no celebration at all.
work work work -_-
but anyways, it really isnt a catholic event.

i did, however spend the day with the class. i think its our third official class outing, while its my first; since i missed the first class movie outing and the chalet. ahee. as i dont like changes, im still known for being a ditch-er. although i didnt today, coz actually some ditched us, saying theyre goin, theyre goin and ultimately, they had other plans. o_~ i already know how it feels like being ditched. although its fun when i ditch people, lol. it sucks to be me. hmm, im pleased to see that there are some improvements among the quiet and timid ones in the class. though i feel that some are still reluctant to join and are aloof with the rest, or maybe just towards me? haha! i should break their ices harder! and deeper! lol. deeper bebeh, deeper! nyahahahaha!

on to the 7th week of 2nd sem, and im already detesting school! well, since first week, frankly speaking. all because of networking. fucking module. nothing ever goes into my head. ive nothing against gremars teaching nor esthers; the problem lies with me. i dont know why my brain just dont wanna save the informations being fed or downloaded into me. its... shtewpedd! and visual basic too! the only lesson im enjoying is computing maths. omg! puhleeeze dont fail me on that one! im loving it, so dont ruin my joy! and to think, im plannin to take networking in my second year! and already, my performance is doin disappointingly unsatisfactorily! and at the rate were goin, from having to know the smallest part of the computer to making it run, is really makin me go berserk with all the sheyts about computers! time is really passing soooo fucking fast and the lecturers are just teaching for the sake of teaching, making sure theyre either ahead - or on time with the schedule, not bothering whether or not, we fucking dig their every word is driving me insanely off the deep end! its whats makin me slack, lose interest, fall off track and divert my time into something i enjoy more. i get either so lethargic or restless. ugh! i feel i really need to repair my own computer; upgrade my RAM, flash bios, and processor. i feel like im still running on a celeron. sigh.

subtly exposed

something ive always thought im obliged to share my feelings about years ago never happened and wont ever. since ive blown all my rights to speak out about that matter; which i so firmly opposed to and still do, yet i am forever bounded by and shorn of that right. and i loathe myself for breaking my principle. and i know that even if i express contrition, it would not restore the right i once proudly owned and could shout out to the world. i have become a whited sepulcher to those whom ive concealed the veracity from. and most likely, even if against my will, will i have to uphold it and bring to my grave; with only a couple of hominids being aware of the fact. i am still in uncertainty if they have not leaked out any information about the shared secrecy. for i have sworn to be the soul of your discretion to anybody regardless the acquaintanceship of either parties. my only demand is you do the same.

brotherness you gave me

i miss thiru...
im a lil gloomy because i cant find a thiru in my current class. i have a sam but hes not in my class :( so far pidoz and leilei, but im not yet close with them because i think they are shy. haha! kidding. just that, thiru has taken care of me and was really my closest friend and im gonna cry if hes leavin for ns. and ill prolly gonna start call him again every night or so. haha, i havent been on the phone with him for ages. cuz why? im shy! to use the phone! haha! crap! but really i hate phone convos now. lol. dunno why. anyways, i just love having brothers around because i feel protected. and thiru, really really. if sams to be my classmate, then cool! id be happy to have another brother. but dont worry thiru, ull always be thiru, no ones gonna take over you. sams being sam and no ones gonna be another sam. haha! im so emoing now. thiruuuuu where are you, seems like its been forever that youve been gone. haha! fussole.

beside you

its tough to lose someone who took care of you, saw you grow up and loved you so much. i do not like going through that; cuz it makes you weakens and it sometimes makes you sink. OUR STRENGTH IS OUR WEAKNESS AND OUR WEAKNESS IS OUR STRENGTH. theyre where you obtain your strength from when youre at your weak point but its also where your weakness comes from. i very much envy you people; for your relatives are just here with yall. when someone passes on, you can be with them til their very end. while i, through their hard times til their very last breath til theyre buried, the urge and desire that i have, to be with them, i cannot get. just because we are apart. but its also why i can let go easily; the distance and time for us both wasnt there. i do not like seeing people take their loved ones for granted because if only i could steal away their opportunity to be with their loved ones, i would. although, me moving on easily makes me feel guilty; just because i wasnt with them, while i talk to the people who were with them still grieving. from the time i came here til now, ive lost 5 immediate family members and none of which, gave me the chance to see them off, which made me move on easily, which i think, made my cousins think i wasnt taking it seriously, which made me have guilty conscience.

ouh well, nuff of the loquaciousness.
i can see you try to smile, suppressing the tears. and im happy you can do that. you being a guy, i was heartened when you said its extremely hard to accept that shes gone. i may not say much and the silence really makes me feel the sadness youre going through. like yijuan said, we are here for you.

you are in it

image extracted from my fav duhling slut, yijuan.

edited by me, hehe.

i cant believe after being her classmate for 3years+ [since sec3] she still dont know how to spell my surname! prolly becoz she always pronounce it as "ferrari" or "ferrero". well, either shes just playin dumb with my surname or she really dont know how to spell my surname -_-. but im wondering why shes got lei-lei's name perfectly! ugh! even ishams names wrong. haha.
funneh, funneh funneh funneh.

hmmm, i think its harmlessly harmless to say that aidas been very horny lately. haha! shes always singin "im hornneh, hornneh hornneh hornneh/so hornneh, hornneh hornneh hornneh" and is always [should i say] keen to talk about those. tsktsktsk. and to think, shes the baby of the class. ouh well, shes a growing child and is in a NEED to learn more about these kinda things. and all i can do is, *chuckle*chuckle*chuckle*. well, yesterday we had a 'girl talk' part one which consisted of only tufha, me and her plus cassan. and today 'girl talk' part two with me, her, yijuan, pearlyn, jiawen and huiting. sad larr, no tufha. she couldve been our example in so many things. haha! thereve been more girl talks but with some boys before actually; but i just cant count how many times. so let me take this as the official.
whatevvaaaaaaah.


sigh. i miss you t-r-u-c-k-l-o-a-d-s too Kris G.! sigh. if only, if only! ugh! soon! soon! okaye? okaye? like 8years time?! haha! crap. ouh well. time will come when i get out of here. and fulfill my to-do-list.

its the that

hmmm, finally got to chop my hair off! i first used a garden shear to trim 2inches off then a steak-knife and a small-bread-knife to layer it. and voila! well, at least no more split ends but still got dry hair shia! like fuck. i hate my hair larrr. buy so many treatment sheyt all useless -_- but anyways. i dont like my hair now. but gee. whatevvvaaaaaaah.

ouh. emm. ANNOUNCEMENT
my beloved thirus leaving for NS in a months time, 14th Dec. so hes COMMANDing to have a "farewell" party. before we "bury" him alive. he wants a picnic at the beach. and he wants to suntan -_- i told him hes gettin free suntan at camp. well, as his "dying" wish, his wish is HIS command. so to all thirus friends and family, youre all cordially invited to thirus farewell picnic-at-the-beach party. in fact hes already makin handmade invitations for all of us. so i guess we shall all wait to receive it. you guys just bring baskets and thiru will bring the food then well all meet up at the beach and thiru can then put the food into the baskets and then whatever. you can bring your own stuff. im probably just gonna bring my BIG baby TAZ so he can thank thiru for getting him off that Mini Toons shelf and bringin him under my HECK care. haha! just kiddin.

ummm...im hungry. emmm...yar, yesterday i watched the THE BIG BANG THEORY. cooooool uuuuh. urrrr...tomorrow got pe. ammmm... im lame. uhhhh, im outta here! laters!

i feel your tight embrace in the cold night, saying everything is alright

within half an hour of my last post, i "friended" back with MOM and DAD. but i still am NOT gonna clean up their mess. hmph! i refuse to. because it took me almost 3days to get it all done. and they just "abolished" it. awww-mah-gaaah!!!

anyway.
jurong east.
that place is pretty stamped-in-my-memory. so many things happened in that place. with a few people. its just funny how weird it feels to go to a place you had memories in and you start reminiscing [when youre at that place at that time]. especially when you seldom go to that place or youve only been there for a couple of times, the recollection is pretty much more clearer or you can even remember, if not all, almost everything that happened in that place. lol. i wasnt actually reminiscing. not even for the past few days. it just came to my mind like that then *poof*, gone. but a month ago, yeah. and i miss the people ive hung out with there.

on a lighter note, Philippine National Basketball team vs Singapore's score: 90—42 today. weeeee. ouh well, filos are good in basketball. like singapore is in soccer. so just imagine SG vs Phil in soccer, haha. the scores gonna be the other way round. ouh well, good game, kababayans.

thank you mom for fixin my fav bag. no thank you [mom n dad] for messin up me boudoir! and i hate kuya for not helping with the house chores, just because hes still in NS; he washes his own clothes all by himself there and hes so tired when he comes home and he just "misses" our helping him and yaddayaddayadda, ergo, we have to do it for him... -_- stupidest excuse that makes you go ~_o when you hear it. o-m-g! yea, true you rarely come home, yet all you do is dirty and mess the place we all friggin clean everyday! when youre supposed to be home, you go out, leave a huge mess and only come home when were all asleep and when we wake up, youre gone again. like wtf. if my NS friends can still help around the house, i dont see why you cant; you lazy, self-centered, squanderer, son of our mom! U-G-H! and all we ask for is cooperation, and my everlasting gifts! yea! i deserve gifts for doing your chores man! you fucking suck, brother! urgh!

*phew*. there. just needed to vent my rage for my animosity in my supposedly-yet-oppositely big brother whom i should say his world revolves around NS, girlfriend and self-luxurious life. i strongly feel he hasnt been a big brother and a son for years, yet mom and dad cant bear to punish him or leave him be; at least financially, even if he takes advantage of it.
gee, i sound so cruel. but its just how i feel. i just feel like putting him in a squatter area in the phils so he can learn how to make use of his time and money worthwhile.

o-m-g. i think i sound so the jiejie/kakak/ate there! ahee! right? right? right? :)

the small, little things

should i be pissed?
i should be!
the hard work and sweat i put in to clean my fucking room last week - all gone.
messed up again.
by whom?!
MOM and DAD!
unbelievable. believe it.

UGH!!!!! they took the fucking cabinet i used to put my fucking school stuffs and the what-have-yous and they just...! o-m-g! can i crush them?! i know how mom hates the things she tidied up gets messed up. and now they did this to me. and dad just came in and shook his head and said "put this back there also lazy" i kena sia. LIKE FUCK. you messed up my room you clean la! wahleo. cannot stand sia. now all the junks and the small things just lying on the floor again. waiting to be kept. and nuh-uh i am sooo not gonna clear them away. they took the cabi away so where do they expect me to keep the stupid things!? ergh! fuck it. i hate you today!

ouh geez...

sigh. its a pity how much you put in so much effort in your friendship when you dont get any in return. i guess the problem is that, with all the friendships we all have been through, weve been sort of like traumatized by the bad incidences so like, the trust that we have for our friends kinda depletes. which is also brought forward when we meet new ones. ouh well. its really hard to find real friends even if you love each other. loving each others not enough. saying the words i love you is not enough. how can you say you love them when the simple things like sharings, you cant even do? you even try to HIDE or deny. aint that sick? and the worst thing is, you label your friendship as something special. shtewpid fake people. cut the fucking crap man. there are friends who have been a very loyal friend to their friends and they help whenever they fucking can. and the simple thing they ask for in return, is also your trust, you cant even give. like its a one-sided trust. its shtewped when you tell a friend youve lost trust in the rest and that person is the only one you trust. but the way you act is as if you dont fully trust him/her too, even when you said you do? gosh. you have some issues man. like when he/she opens up and then when he/she feels somethings wrong with you, you shut him/her out like he/shes a nobody. geez. get a life.

youre holding it

i remember a few years ago i wanted a boyfriend/husband to be a chef. bcoz i didnt know - and well, still dont know how to cook, so i needed someone who will for me! ahee! and so many friends have been offering to do that. awww. how sweet. shaka. and the cool thing is, its all just a coincidence that they all said the same thing at the same time. incredible. im stoked at what my life would look like. what my husband is gonna be. how he looks like. what he does. waaaaaah. im thinkin too far ahead. ahee. but of course. cooool uuuuh. if ever i marry a chef, hes to be a sexy one. masculine and all. fooo! just like chef mito. haha. wooo. derek ramsey baby! hmmm, so far the closest derek ramsey i have is kristian garcia, my surfer "boifriend". awww. kris is gonna finish his psychology studies soon. ahee. i cant wait for the time i finish my studies so i can travel on my own without any escorts in the phils so i can go on my adventure with krissy! yey! geez. enough of fantasizing my future. i have like almost a decade to go before i fucking graduate. how sick. i hate this place larr. if only dad really kept his promise to go canada to continue our high school onwards. sigh. ouh well. whats dones done. live with it jo! ahee.

so maybe one day we can just look back and laugh at our mistakes

47 days to christmas.
my wish for christmas is to relive my childhood.
running around with my fellow friends.
ice cream treats.
playgrounds.
presents.
parties.
toys.

everythings just so boring now. everybody doin their own stuff. gosh i hate growin up.

~~
im not stoked as i should be.
for one. the trip backs been cancelled.
two. which means im out being one of the abays/bridesmaids.
three. which means imma be replaced.
four. my much awaited of the year; celebrating christmas with my maternal clans ruined.
five. no cousin-ings.
six. no shopping/no huge rollercoaster rides/no fucking fun.

~~
shtewped sheyt!

~~
i have been feeling baffled lately. til now in fact. until i thought about it hard. and i came up with an assumption. that maybe i am falling-in-like. ouh myyyy. hahha. something i havent felt for a long time. but i already know its not gonna happen. nuh-uh. sigh. what a life. i just wanna be really taken care of. someone whos gonna make me laugh. someone whos gonna pamper me. that simple. and so far, i love gettin it from family and friends. not gonna ask for more. but of course if its gonna be given to me, then, COOOOL UUUUH. but of course i have limits. ill say no when i dont think its gonna turn out right. right? sigh. sucky life larr. i dont like feeling this way. eeeeeek. i dont wanna fall-in-like with anybody, you know! but somehow i cant control it. shtewpid sheyt!

~~
omg. thank you. because you said it. i know im sorry for many things too. i am so like fucking happy ive gotten over you a month ago. but im even happier ive gotten your apology. whoa. like koooool uuuuuh... sigh. what a life. but i think i still deserve explanations. but im not asking. at your own pace. just need closure.

~~
aaaaaaaaahhhh...imma go cracked! hellllp meee!

leave it to me

"coooool uuuuh"
lmffaorotff
pidoz aka firdaus confirm proud to have made his expression of "cooool uuuuh" recognized in the class. tahha. he says it whenever he learns something new; say like he dont understand something, he asks, lecturer explains, then he reacts, "ooooh, coool uuuh" haha! and its now become our habit too.

hmmm, all along i thought The Heroes at Ch5 is season2. geeez! when when when will they air season2 mannn! Star World! cmon!

hmmm, i really hope to have more of Inspire Club gatherings/meetings. i just need to really get back to those workshops. sheez. i feel like sofa king dead. i want action bebeh. daymm i miss Drama Society and Claire! at least were taken care of there. coool uuuh.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI to my beloved friends.

nostalgia

gee-whee, i sounded pretty dumb at my last post. very dumb.
its just that in this kind of work, im used to being just the member; being told what to do. well, whatever the whatever, i told myself i want to be a more responsible person, being able to handle both myself and my team, so i hope i can make this lil project work. its really not that big of a deal. but since i havent touched on this side of my personality and growth for a long time, ill make it that big of a deal. at least for myself. lol. [serious sia joanne] and yah i just HOPE that those four people will co-operate uh. if not, ill cry buckets and pails and containers and vessels of - whatever.

sigh.
i feel sooo. . .rigid at school now. because when i want to go crazy, i cant. because the people there arent like me. haha. i mean, i just miss 5/1. i cant get loud because i cant find someone to go really really frantic with, besides yi juan, whom i guess would sometimes find me "weird". haha! so i just try to shut the fuck up whenever i feel like letting loose. i get noisy for a few seconds then will eventually die down, which makes me feel and become even weirder...ahee. sigh.

and if you observe, time has really been passing by so fast i feel i cant keep up. it seemed like, just a few weeks or months ago, we were all stoked about our then-upcoming grad night, talking bout the event, concentrating more on the night rather than the big Os. the times when everybody were gan chiongs enough to window-shop for their dresses/suits; for as early as may/june [6months before the night].
**snap back to reality** its the near end of 2007. gawsshhh.

i just miss everybody. i miss being a kid. i miss being scolded by teachers. i miss eating ice cream in the playground. i miss running around the school compound. i miss visiting our dental clinic for regular checkups. i miss writing slam books/diaries. i miss the boyband times. i miss the "you friend her? i dont friend you!" times. and once again, i miss my bloody old bestfriend. if theres a wish i could wish for right at this moment, itd be to take me back to that time and just live it all over again so this time i can cherish the moments better. and to also make amendments to whatever it is i should have not done at all.

gee, i just hate moments like this. the emoting moments -_-

kaaa-ching!

hmmm...
something to rant about.
im not really complaining - but i totally objected to becoming one leader of a group, for a few judicious, reasonable reasons.
one. i havent handled one in ages
two. im not INTO being one - at all
three. im irresponsible [i cant handle no sheyt]

only one thing came to my mind when they chose me; they all dont want the responsibility and since i was the oldest among em, they found someone they can dump the responsibility or "dependence" on. tahha. but on a lighter note, im just tellin myself, leader=just a name/position; dont really have to tell em what to do, thats a whole load of crap. and yah, if ever do, itll be a good thing for me. but nah, prolly wont. im too laid back to become a real fucking leader, tahha. ill just roll my eyes non stop. @_@ actually i was laffing inside. i was like, jojo? me? leader? MUAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHA! okaye. thats just lame. -_-
not that ive never been a leader, im just used to being a leader who just "shake-leg", haha! just relek-one-korner! yah, well, in other words, a useless leader. wakakaka. well, well see if i change. i did warn em, but they said they "dont care". theyre prolly used to havin "heck-care" leaders.

geez. well, its great catching up with wier. ol times. mutual feeling over the people in yfc. lol. whatever them.

gaaaaah! and one more thing, i feel like... hahha! actually i cant explain what it is either. sheeeeez! like eff sia. *blushes* aheeee.
ouhkaye,
uber aaand out!

jaded

as of this moment, i am whacked of missing someone i loved and still love very much. i noticed you only come say it when you feel like it. well, likewise. one day, i hope to find that perfect moment for us to sit and talk like its our last few moments. youre so preoccupied with your work and the only times you can get out of it is when i cant. so fucked up because were both so fucking different now. or maybe just you. and you have so many people loving you who live the same lifestyle as you. its why i try not to come too close because of what youve become. im not sneering at you. just - im afraid youll do what you did. im just tired of missing you.
i love you.

ouh yeah. i forgot to tell yous, on thursday, when i came late to school, i was somewhat proud to be one of the many to watch the airbus fly fly to sydney - on tvmobile, ahee. i was plannin to ditch school on that day to go to the airport but didnt bother to coz i already skipped school on wednesday, so what the hell, my plans always get screwed. ahaha. i remember watchin the makin of the A380 months ago. a really strenuous, gruesome work that finally paid off, *phew*. those ganchiong ones who cancelled orders, too bad. haha. no patience right! nehneh-nee-poopoo! bluueeeeeekkkk! ahakz.

~~
a boring halloween for me. doughless to party! id never spend my savings nor ask my folks coz it was never my habit to just ask, for my own pleasure. yeahyeah, call me thrifty and all, im just being frugal. besides, it aint me own money, hardwork or sweat. ouh well. instead of partyin with the clubbers, i went to a kiddie party; a seven-year-old party! ahee. a humdrum though! i was like -_-"
but at least my primary school close mate, miao de spotted me, so it was fun catching up with him. lotssa youths raya-ing, sheesh. chilled with this boy in baju kurung then bumped into javz O_O at a bustop, then isham too in the lrt @_@! geez, didnt even bump into any gals i know, haha. well, thanks for the time, doode.

~~
hmm, its so nice to hear im being missed. yesyes, i miss you all too. i think thats whats good, yknow. like you, rarely seeing people, cuz then theyd miss you more than them always spending time with you, cuz itll just bore em? yah.

~~
and my dear friend, for a guy, youre so fragile. i guess that is why i never fell for you because youre worse than a girl, haha. nope, im not mocking you, i am just making you sturdier. but youre too pessimistic to even get the drift. you say youll change but i guess youll never and i cant do nothin bout that. i just wish you the best doode. but really, you cant dwell on things all the time; no wonder youre like that. and of course, like i said three years ago, i will be your friend. its what ive been doin ever since, but youre not helpin yourself. i gotta bear with your being a mangina over your ex-galfriend and i still am[tolerating], but my ears are really gettin retarded from all that same ol story of yours. but ouh well, nevertheless, im still here for you, i just hate the fact that you arent helping me help you help yourself! and youre always trying to expect. and...i can go on but hah! you already know what i mean. really, just get a grip.

~~
im thankful for the people who really love me bcoz im like fuckingly weird! haha! what the fuck. and yes i love you too. really i do. okaye! but dont take it the wrong way. i love you not only because you love me for me but i love you too because i love you. awww. aint that shuuuweeetzzz! ahakz. i know. and yes, imma wait for the freakin day we both can be totally free and you gonna take me for a drive round the island! i fuckin missed that like fuck! and aww, i miss "fuck"-ing too, haha! sheez. what? do i wanna chill with you? ouh, fo shizzle mah doozzle cuz i mizzle you like fuzzle! cmon! lets gezzle the fuzzle outta hezzle! aheeheehee!!!

heat it up

pissed at mahself for missin 3classes on wed.
stewfeed menses gotta come at the wrong time!
tried crawlin outta the sack but the spasm turned me down and buried me in bed.
hooe well.

~thur~
went to lunch at clems after VB class, rowben joined us. went back for jpi lesson only to find out that instead of a 2.5hrs of lesson, we only had 1h and it wasnt a lesson; purely babbling moment for us, ahee.
was a lil bugged when ms suryani asked for volunteers for a something next thursday and when no one did, she looked at the IC members and was sort of forcing us. when she finally talked me and aida out of that sheyt, we gave in. -_-" i was really not sincere. but when she got 4boys from the other class, she finally let us go. becoz she found out that were gonna be missin mr soongs class and she knew soong wouldnt let us go. now thats a breather! i didnt volunteer cuz id miss a lesson. and nuh-uh. ive always hated missin lessons! especially this sem.

anyhow...went home with juan, lei and aids. aids and i were initially talkin bout our grossy childhood stuff; poo, earwax, mucus, etc. hahaha! well, mostly mine! haha! then we four had a convo i never had in a long time, hahaha! a topic me and clique10 would always end up with; sex. ahh, well, twasnt much of a sex topic, ahee. but yea. i dont know who started it though. suddenly juan said that those with periods tend to get horni-er?! i doubt so cuz i wasnt! and if i was, i wouldve told you i was, you freak!

didnt wanna blog but im really bored out of my gourd, just gotta type somethin out!


nurdz! i wanna play with your bike! since last sem man!
lee, whenya bringin me out man!

for you i will

i
dont
feel
like
blog
ging
period

tee
hee
;)

embrace the moments

♥Happy Birthday Lola Jovita♥
Happy Birthday Tita Alice
Happy Birthday Tito Albert

patience

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENNDY!

hmmm...again, it was brought up by mom after brunch.
it started with me sharin bout how my friend whos in MI and i are gonna somehow meet in uni around the same time; because hes graduatin on the end of 2009 while i, on april 2009. hes goin ns before uni while i, poly then uni. i then mentioned how ns was a somewhat disadvantage for guys. and suddenly she just blurted how careless i was wasting time and money [me being in ite that is]. that pissed me so i "defended" myself and told her that if i was literally really wasting time and money in this two years in ite, then what would become of me later? isnt that an "even more" waste than "it already is"? so she meant that me being in ite is a waste of time and money? so what about the knowledge im getting? the things im learning now? am i wasting my time doin all that? i really am making full use of my time and money in ite yknow. i admitted that yes, i became over confident in sec school and somehow my overconfidence brought me here in ite to teach me to keep my feet on the ground even if i do well at certain times. you see, mom always has high hopes for me. and just because she was used to me always doin well, rarely makin mistakes [in general], that it is so hard for her to accept that ive fallen. since pri school, she knew i could excel but i didnt because of my overconfidence. sometimes it makes me think if shes ashamed of me being in ite. sheesh. i know before, i told myself i will not step into ite because i know i could do better than going there but when i got here, it changed my views of ite. yea, all the secondary students and teachers and the whole singapore think that ite is that bad because of the people who are in it. i agree, i somewhat dreaded comin here because of peoples characters that we all mostly see in public. but there arent any of such here in dover and im grateful for that. i dont know about the other campuses but here in dover, the people i see arent the people i expected to be, because here, they have hopes of moving forward. now thats what gave me a chance to get up again. ite is not bad at all if thats what you people think.

well anyway, on the contrary, i do know what mom meant by wasting time and money. she is afraid that we may not be able to graduate from uni because they cannot promise that they will still have their jobs at that time. yes, we are permanent residents here and yes, they both have pretty good jobs but i know, we are still foreigners. meaning, they can still hire a local rather than keeping them because they prioritize their citizens. i know that. its what fears me too. and the thought of me working to save some money so i could somehow help them isnt in their favour because as much as possible, they dont want me to work while i study and if i work, theyd rather i be in office than serving people. geez. so really, what choice do i have? at this point i dont know. but well see when im done in ite. perhaps itll help me get a better job, i have no idea what kind but yea.

i know i wasted my time that i have to be demoted rather than promoted which really cost more but if support is what i get, then maybe itll help so much more. i know youre just concerned but you should really try to be more optimistically concerned.

growin up

ya know, i have always noticed how fashion is so in fashion. whereever. and how people go gaga over whats in this season, whos wearin em, where to get em, how to get em and whatnots. i dont know. ive always been the dull, simple gal; baggy pants/jeans-tee/tank-sneakers. i dont really like change. my styles always been the same since young. and that really does reflect alot in my life; just a few changes but most are still intact. like before, i used to be very materialistic. but ive outgrown that, i dont care bout whats the latest, what i should get, etc, i learned to be contented with the things i have and keep it for as long as possible and not always go after the newer ones. its kind of a lil buggy whenever i see people talkin bout whats new, haha. not that i have anything against them; already i am living with someone as such [a brother that is]; so how worse can it get with the outsiders right? i dont care what people think of me. like when i shop, i still go for the similar things. i think the thing that really bothers a person is the trying-to-fit-in attitude. i may have been one back then, we all have. but once you start to be wise and start finding your true self and then youve settled down with that, youre gonna chuckle atchaself, then shake ya head. getting out of your thought-to-be "comfort zone" and actually finding your real, own comfort zone, will let you see the humongous difference.

its just real funny how i still know some who even put boys in their list of being in their "fashionable life". sheesh. they may not notice it at all unless you observe the pattern, contemplate. ouh, heres the thing, many think im a playa; havin many boys, a flirt kinda gal but they always get surprised when they get to know me. i was never the kind who gives out her number to any guy who wishes to get to know her; the most id do is give my e-add. the word "date" kinda makes it sound serious...hmmm, go out with. yea, going out with guys isnt that bad as long as both parties know what each others intentions are, so there wont be any bad blood between the two later; which is what i usually do - send my message across very clearly at first so no lead-ons will follow. goin out with different boys is no biggie, really, as long as you give em a clear message. the biggie is if, you go out, you hook up, say you love em then dump em or u get dumped, then find another one, without any clear message and the whole thing repeats. see, i dont like lead-ons; if the person confesses and its not mutual, i tell the person straight "its not gonna happen" and well stay as friends, which we actually do, and the friendships strong til now. its why i have many close guy friends who really respect me. i dont get into a relationship i dont think will work out with that person in the long run, even if ive strong feelings for that one, i think before i move. although i failed in my last relationship, heehee. ahh, for that one, i picked the wrong one. but i mean to say generally, among the other guys. so i picked the wrong one, which is also good because the rest are already a totally an-impossible-thing-to-happen but at least, our friendships are still intact.

so its pretty flatteringly annoying how people can be judgemental and think of you as someone youre totally the opposite of. and so to the judgemental people, get your facts right, before you judge, ask straight to the face and dont do it behind the back [unhealthy yknow!]. when i post something judgemental, i post with long-observed-evidences which means weeks/months/years-long, not hours/2-3days-long.

stay happy people ;)

deep inside

i miss my bestfriend, tasha. emmm, should i actually say former? hmm. yea. but no doubt, i still love her. even if we dwindled [we both know that], shes always been my loved one and still is. i dont mind that were not as before, as long as i know i still care for her. awkwardness is what we both felt but yeah. i still love her, really. heehee!

she used to be this cute chubby kid that when she smiles, shes like so fun to hug! hahaha! though when she got older, she got sexier. she aint that cute kid no more! hahaha! im not dissin her! im just sayin. ouh, i remember, we tried to match my bro and her sis, tierra which by the way was from cdss drama too! ahakz. thats really how we started out. yeah. good times.
and remember, ill always be here for you still.
i love you!

teehee, im just happy (:

samson!

hello philippines and hello world!
*whoops* wrong! wrong!
hello singapore, hello world!
ahihihihi! the ever famous greeting by toni gonzaga in pinoy big brother reality tv show! hmmm, wonder when singapore will have the big brother and the dream academy shows. probably soon lar. cuz the two, together with deal or no deal are all created by endemol. so yeah! lol.

i am sooo long winded.

anywayyyyyy! thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you *pants* thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you *phew* to my favvy! for the coookiees!!! omg! seven different types, so the many varieties of cookies! ahihihihi! so the artistic! hahaha! so the colorful. so the hardworking! so the generous. so the woah!!! hahaha! im speechless liao. *exagg* lol! thank you again! im so the grateful lar! u see, small thing can make me happy already! what more if i get something a lil bigger than that? gee. my thank yous will prolly overflow the whole universe. hahaha!

nah, really, i am grateful for so the many many things. the past few weeks have just been heavenly for me. although there are sad happenings; that doesnt involve me but the people around me, the blessings and joy that im getting still topped the sad uns. shouldnt it always be like that? this is what ive been waiting for, few weeks ago when i was just filled with angst. and now that its arrived, im just relieved and gratified and im lovin each second that passes. no regrets about the unhappy moments because its what strengthens us all. being optimistic is whats keepin
me up and alive and kickin. im still hyped up like fuck like that! harharhar!

surprises

BOOYAH!!!!
first of all, id like to thank abang fir for last mondays raya-cookies and fridays treat too! and tufha for the cookies too! wee!!! alright. and my neighbor for the cookies too and im still waiting for another - for the cookies too! haha! cmon bebeh! give em to meh! ahakz! kiddin. i love treats! theyre so fun! like fun-fun!
first week of second sem, fun! like fun-fun! lol. whatevah!

ya know, i was pretty ecstatic on friday that when i got home to nap, i didnt know that at that moment when i was feeling ouh-so-fine, people were screeching and squealing, running for their lives; glorietta2 had an explosion. it was a heart-wrenching moment the moment i received a message from dadda. i suddenly remembered aunt tere and her boutique. and then i got relieved when i remembered that she was located at glorietta4. but, sigh! its still pretty astonishingly unbelievable to really hear of such. like, i could still recall how i would always take a stroll in that beautiful mall. and suddenly, *poof* a part of it, ka-boomed! like dayyyym! i spent like a month in that mall everyday, cuz i was always with aunt, tending her shop, but mostly walkin around, gettn to know the damn bloody big mall. sigh. and just two days after the explosion, sunday, a fire broke out in a resto at glorietta4! aww-mahh-gahh! luckily it was at second floor. hmmm, why glorietta mall? geez. that wasnt the first time. years ago there was an explosion there too. sheesh. what is wrong with you people? really bored eh? nothing to do? wanna rebel? haiz. if you wanna rebel, please dont involve the innocents mann! like really, thats just lame! lol.

what a waste because i think the phils is never gonna rise over poverty. because of corruption. because of greed. sad. there are millions and trillions of filos who have great dedications of rising up because there are truckloads that are talented and really hardworking but all these hopes of soaring are wrecked because of the greedy users. there are politics whereever you turn to. because of all these, people are forced to do stupid things they never wanted to do; crimes. sheesh. dont the govt ever wonder how imprudent they are? how selfish? avaricious? they always talk about how filos should get together and be ONE and all when they never really keep their promises in the first place, in the end, they only think about gettin rich themselves. sheesh! dont they pity those filas abroad working as dh? many filas turn to dh bacuz they have no choice but to leave home just to feed their fam. many do not know that these filas are almost done with college! if not for the lack of money to pay for their last few semesters, they wouldnt need to do such things. but bacuz of the need to survive, they suck up their pride and are forced to enter such jobs, which many people take advantage of; being mistreated. sad.
and gawsh, i actually couldnt believe when i got to know that glorias dads time of presidency, phils was actually doin well, like really well and was even known as "The Incorruptible". but geez, dunno what happened to the daughter. like awww. sad. itd be a miracle if one day there will be another incorruptible president.

ahh, well. im grateful im far away from the messy place though my love for my own people will still stay intact. and i do sympathize them for havin to live with bad people! sheesh! like! really! hahaha! from cookies to explosion to politics! ahihihihi. how randomly linked. teehee! ive always hated politicians. the bad ones!

boys...

currently: CRAVING
craving for: fried mee siam!

ahahha! you know huwaat!? i just remembered the times i was at fida's crib. and the part that i was eating mee siam made me crave. heres the thing: i didnt know the name so i had to ask kawans and as if i wasnt satisfied enough, i went to google it! and then i saw it! OMG!!! lol. so the that one lor. but yea. whenever i crave for something thats pretty impossible for me to get at that point of time, id google it c(= teehee!

that aside, been back to school! 2nd day, cuz yesterday was holiday cuz of hari raya i think. werent suppose to have classes on monday too but they couldnt inform us earlier. lol.
so yeah, new sem, new lecturers, new modules, new timetable. pretty fun! gotta admit, the 5-week break did really nothing good to me; rusted my brain only! wahleooo. well, i know i will get sick of school anytime soon, even if im all excited now and how much i am looking forward to learn more, teehee. i will only get sick of school when i finally am lost in my studies or i just cant catch up oooor yarrr. like that. lol.
in school, there are two filo lecturers, and this sem, mr gremar is takin us! kool. he speaks funny singlish; i mean his pronunciation, teehee! like like like! when he speaks, he speaks like a thai or vietnamese or burmese or cambodian?! lol! he doesnt speak filo-english! like, really. haha! like his accents got the whole mix of those thai, etc, with fillish and adding some singlish; lah, lei, lor, mah, meh, etc. ahihihi! besides him being a joker, youd already laugh at his accent before he even cracks a joke. lol. okaye, i dont know how that sounded to ya but yea, i fooind it ha-la-ri-yes! ok lar! lol! funny me! am i funny? lol, whatever.
im just happy to be back in school and asking people favors, most especially abang firdaus! ahihihi!

the timetables not as beautiful as the first sems but im kool widdit, kinda miss leaving late from school. i just hate peak hours, really. emm, second day of second sem and ive been a good girl, doin some practices unlike before where i just totally put everything aside, ahahahaha. i am not that of a geek as i was in pri school. haha. everything fell apart when i came to CDSS. lol. lalala. never mind, im catchin up!!! yeah baby! aight! im just STOKED! really! hahaha.

best friend

somehow, i still pine for the good ol times,
and at times, i still ask,
where did i go wrong, i lost a friend.
ill be frank, and if ever you ask me this,
ill still say,
i b-lame you for doin that.
but i still acknowledge you because you transformed me;
the way i look at friends arent alike as our times.
i never had another "best" because when i think what best really means,
i can never see anyone being that best enough for me;
where i could just let e-v-e-r-y single thing out;
even my deepest, darkest secret.
ive stopped believing i could still find a best friend,
bacoz you gave me that trepidation of being neglected and maybe even betrayed.
there are close friends - and ever since then,
that has already made me be gratified.
it is safer aint it?
not that i dont open up to em,
i do.
and i have confidants.
just not a best friend.
because i do not tell em every thing - like how id tell a best friend.
if i could clearly recall,
all these happened when we separated.
im not dwelling -
its just that whenever i think about our bubblegum younger times,
i cant help but to also dredge up what the fuck happened after that.
i doubt we can ever bring that back,
because perhaps weve both changed and its left a big gap.
but like i said,
youll still be a part of my life as youve always been,
bacoz youve taught me to be like this.
and i love you for that.
i just hope when our paths cross again in the near future,
we can be best friends again,
even for just that moment, with just that little brief hug.
and here ill tell you,
even if things are way too different for us both now,
i still love you like that.
ill always be here forever for you.

enjoy!

selamat hari raya serta maaf zahir dan batin kepada semua.

alright, greetings to all the muslims there. enjoy your celebration!
dont forget my cookies!? leave some for me and label the container "joanne". and then wrap in a hari raya wrapper if got uh, then see me in school then give me. and if can also, my green packet! teehee. im just kiddin! but i want the cookies larrr...
i love you people.

Belated Happy 18th to al-amin!
Happy 18th to aishah!

catching up

its so...sheesh @_~

classes on mon starts at 1300. its prolly a good thang cuz then me no have trouble gettn me tush up to get ready for school and always is-ku-wee-zing myself into the lrt then mrt. like geeez man! and also i dont have to smell people's bed-smelling body or hair or actually even both ~_~ OH! and onion-armpits too! *vomits* ahihihihihi. on the contrary, i have to actually still experience that on the way home, peak hours. like OhsoMyFuckingGee...im really just not used to this kind of life. hahaha! righhhht. ouh well, i guess that is life. what more when i start work?! ugh! butbutbut i think that'll be in a few years away, sooo, no worries?

lol. my folks dont really want me to work ALTHOUGH they expect me to actually know how working life feels like. gee!? how to when i havent experienced it myself. its just like they dont want me to have ligaw-ligaw [courtship] but they expect me to know how it feels like. they're so weird! like me. haha. no offense, butbutbut i feel like theyre not good at parenting! hahaha. like i feel like they refuse to adjust to their parenting style now that were pretty big anuff. ouh well, never mind that. i dont even know why that came up. oh! i know! its cuz they still treat us like babies! yarr! haha. tsktsktsk. but they expect us to act like matured kids. teehee. theyre sooo funny.

i was keraving fo spag last night, so i told mah pretty momma to buy the thingies and prepare everything and ill just do the cookin, harhar. i dont know what to talk a-bout annie-more. i hate this week cuz its the last weeeeeek of b-reak! i know ive ranted about that bafore. just... i really hate it! dammet! sembreak should be more than five weeks! ugh! it should be a year! haha. okaye, whatever that. theres just really nothing better fo me to say. im just typing crap cuz i feel like it. and donchu dare! uhhuh.

ive gone out with almost everybody, except for a group of people, mainly the chestnutters. gee. haiz. whatever. haha.

grateful

goodnight world.

*smiles*

coming! coming!

if one day i have to leave,
i only want to say, thank you.
please do not anticipate everything to be
the same again when im back,
not unless you want me to feign,
which will only make everything shoddier.
i am still somewhat-terrified of what may happen.
i do not like the words you divulged
because i feel you arent even certain when you expressed that.
im not taking any more ventures
and no more investing,
for it is so over, period[.]
i dont want to be duped again
though i still care.
yet my concern is only limited to, as a person,
no more than that,
not even as a chum.
youre still a someone in my life,
for you have left a very big, rather deep mark in me,
throughout the years,
which makes it tough for me to just erase the dreadful moments.
but because weve also shared the good times,
the unpleasant ones arent enough for me to just abandon us.
i will not try,
i will do my best.
thank you.

~~silly-me~~
aww, so cute, haha! butbutbut, that was from the veryvery, bottombottom, insideinside, deepdeep, you-cannot-see-one-confirm-guarantee-with-chop of my heart! i know! im like shuuuweeeet like that. cuz im dank thats why. and you like right? i know...not. bluek! hurhurhur. and puhleez, do not relate this to yourself just bacoz you think its about you, shameLESS you! harrharr.

haiz. im missing people. need not mention names, i think its mutual. you miss me, i miss you. but i think most of the time, its just YOU missing me, without me missing you back. ahakz. yarr, dont argue because i will not care cuz i n-e-v-e-r care.

for now, i WISH that someoneS will bring me Hari Raya cookies. i miss ros and ree and i-dont-know-who-else for sharing their Raya food with Joanne. ahakhakhak. hmmm, maybe i will give yall christmas cookies too. but too bad there aint such things for me. harhar. but maybe larr!

okaye, i L-O-V-E the weather tadday, so sunny, perfect for beach-ing. i just dont strip to bikinis thats all, because i dont have a hawtt-enuff body to flaunt. and i dont swim either bacoz, one, i dont like the ground, got the that thing arr...and two, i cant swim that well. but i CAN swim okaye! shut up you!

and okaye i will mention some of the people i miss but of whom actually, terribly miss me more than i miss em, teehee. deedee the big momma dino, feeda the crazy not-little-but-big sempret, ros the i-dont-know-how-to-describe-you-for-now but i love u, sabby the little-but-big-that-one makcik, emmm, lee the big guy, wan my crush haha, samster the nicest boy in town, thiru the whatever [you and sab were talking about me! yesterday!!!! hmphh!], ree the ass-i-also-dont-know-why-i-called-you-that, okaye, if i go on, i will fall asleep. but yes i miss more people aside from these mentioned 'uns. and yes i truly am the shameLESS daughter-of-a-not-beytch. im SAD because i didnt get to see the pizza delivery boy just now bacoz i was hooked by my show, shatewpid! i am crazy-dancing now.

yeahuh-uhhuh-uhhuh

hell-er...gewd emmm...mownen.

sigh. my bedtimes ruined again. i gotsta keep adjusting! sigh. ive been sleeping around 12-1am to 3-4am everyday til 630am yesterday. then i woke up at 12. gawsh. i cant keep doin this cuz classes are gonna start on monday and i just dont wanna go to school lookin all shabby, like gee. sigh. how sad. plus im havin ulcer too ;(

okaye, like sooo whatever that...i so totally remember something. ive been wanting to say this, but't just keeps slippin off my mind. sheesh! okaye, whenever i see papa piolo, only one person comes to my mind, "nurhazwan bin i-dont-know-what", lol. everytime i watch piolo pascual on tv; the way he speaks, acts and laughs and not fergett'n, looks is just like hazwan. awww, how cute right?! piolo pascual is like [if not all], almost every filo gals' dreamboy...or man rather. lol. andandand. hazwan is the closest piolo i have. hahaha! but the only thing is, no hes not my dreamboy. hes just my ultimate crush when comes to appearance. or maybe the crushest of my crushes. hahaha. coincidentally, he texted me a few hours ago. ohmyfuckingGee. like i really miss those days. i mean, who the hell wouldnt crush on a boy like him? hes a gentleman, he was from NCC, and he was a jock! [captain of the soccer team!] but the fact that i like him being a sweet-talker, its what disgusts me on boys who are like that. haha, here i go again. but nah, im just stating how similar he is to piolo; looks-and-being-a-gentleman-wise at least. im like so kilig-to-the-max. haha. okaye, stop it! ok, some statistics. today alone, in the span of 3hours; 2300-0200, 3lovely guy friends o'mine asked about my status, in total of 5days, 4boys and a gal. the most coincidental thing is this 2people, askin that same question within an hour. and the best thing is...

well,heres a coupla pics of piolo. u can find hazwans at my friendster. tahha, like youll even bother!

*bom chicka wah wah*

you miss me ;-)

stabilizer

kaye, fuckheaddds! u misssssed me and still are missin me. otayye! ive put[ted] back the flashbox liao lerr. haiz. troublesome! lazy put back yknow! but i forced myself! see, so hardworking like that!

im g-lad its over for my feren. go sammo! weeee! hahaha.

imma say byebye to lappy tomorrow i think. cuzcuzcuz imma send it to hospital. its injured both physically and internally. haiz. ergo, imma have to use dad's or kuya's comp. so sian lor. not mine then i feel weird. i know nuts about computers; cant fix mahself andandand to think im taking IT. haha! how dumb like that! but nah, im sending it for service cuz one of the keys is emm, sort of pecah cuz i was trying to pull out something that got stuck inside, thenthenthen my ever-careless-super-fucking hands and fingers o'mine just did their wonderful work of always-spoiling-things; like fuck like that! geeez! shteeeeeewped!
oh, bloody hell.

i miss arch! and mom and dad! teehee. my neverending misses. i miss arch! just miss pissin him off then bringing me gifts. haiz. oh bummah! SHAKA!

*bom chicka wah wah*

no sheyt

*bom chicka wah wah*

fuck im like hyped today...wakakaka, *do the hyphy movement! go dumb dumb!* dont ask why cuz i dont know why. i also asked myself why. but but myself said i dont know so i will also tell you i dont know. ok, shut up!

heeee, mustve been the moments. awww. like how suweet! and kiut! and lovaly! geez, speaking of which, one day, id like to be in the lovapalooza. like dayyym! ill b-ring mah girlf-riends to the phils and and and yah...im sure yall will enjoy the smoochy-woochy-gucci time! lol. but but but ill make sure im all self-reliant. yarrr. care to join me? okaye! lets go. teehee. im talkin c-rap. its just the effect of that thang. tahha. wanna t-ry? then come 'ere.

okaye lar. i was missin someones. but now its gone. so i dont care. haha. like whathefuck. i know. shut up okaye! haiz. i cant wait to see the look on my face when i see yous. ouh well, itll come. lol. im not an expressionist. my facell prolly still be dull like that -_-, like gee. and then youll be like ~_o? like sheesh.

okaye, have a safe f-light jiggoz! and to all my f-riends who have been real f-riends, thank you. and to those who have not been, fuck you. haha! im just kiddin yall. but there is a lil truth about that. wakakaka. bah! i will still miss your fucking asses, no matter good or bad, so no worries. i still love yall like i love me. keekeekee. hmm, im just happy... *shala-la, its so nice to be happy, shala-la, evrybody should be happy, shala-la* ugh! im havin a major breakdown here. *teet*teet*teet* *c-rash* *BOOOM*

dah lah, joweyn! harhar. its the joy of joys. is that correct?! gee. i wonder...whatll happen. i shant think so much now. i may just get all shabby. and you will just say im eeky. then id say fuck me. and youd come kill me. okaye, that was nice! SHAKA

*bom chicka wah wah*

reaching

hmmm, ive been at my best for the past two days. my sound trip; from indie to hiphop to psychedelic to praise and worship. it feels good to actually be back on track. and i miss YFC buttloads. its been 5-6years. i miss the fellowships, the gatherings and the paise and worships. i miss ate juvz and co. we made four songs back then, though i only remember the tune of one song, You Are. sigh. how time flies.

its a wonderful thing for me that the ire in me is almost gone. although we all know the things we go through have reasons behind em, we cant help but to have feelings; anger, sadness, happiness, etc. as of now i dont feel any anger for the person, although i wont deny that the thoughts still haunt me and the pain still there, it wasnt as extreme as before when all i could feel was rage and the thought of harming. i lifted it all up to Him through prayers. time and prayer has done the works for me. and im g-lad.

its that small thing that makes it all big

i have to be honest, i read bianc's blog everyday and shes one of the people i really look up to. she isnt the type whos obsessed with fame and all. once i heard or read, she was offered a movie or a soap but she refused. i think she started out as a model before landing on hosting. and i have to say, she is one of the best people around in showbiz. she doesnt blog about her showbiz life. she blogs more about beautiful things that inspires her or interests her. what actually attracted me to her blog are the things that we both aspire in life; how we both wanna help, travelling and the things we wanna do. her recent post about angie kinda surprised me, really. angie's also one of the people i look up to. how cool is that. its just a blissful thing for me. heeez. ouh well. since young, i have so many dreams but none of that, have i fulfilled. besides my folks being tight about me doing certain things ive always wanted to do, there are certain things i lack of. but its not gonna stop me from fulfilling those dreams. and i actually plan to when im all independent. for now, i can only contribute in a small amount but i know that small thing is already a big one.

'if we all do a little, we can do a lot.'