pulling us down with you

its Bonifacio Day for the filos. dont know anything about that though. but just yesterday, while i was watching wowowee on tv, the show got cut off because of a breaking news. heres my informal written story and assesment.

apparently, Navy lieutenant and now Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV and his men walked out of their coup d’etat hearing, marched through J.P. Rizal Avenue and then turned to Makati Avenue, stayed at Manila Peninsula Hotel. they were "joining the people in calling for the resignation of Arroyo because the President continues to violate the Constitution and continues to plunder the treasury, disrespect the rule of law and prostitute our institutions,"

the hotel guests, of whom were initially stunned by the arrival of Trillanes and gang but continued their lunches and all, were all later waiting to get out because of the stupid scene that really, i thought wasnt necessary; well they finally did. the police gave him and his men til 3pm to surrender and when he didnt, they began firing warning shots then tear gas began permeating the hotel lobby. the media people/reporters were there to get the news to us but later they were all arrested, tied with plastic tie wraps and detained. the stupid thing is that the police didnt tell em what they were charged with; they just arrested em because probably, the govt thought that they were Trillanes' group; using something to get their message out.
they tied the reporters with plastic tie wraps?! ugh! how cruel! i mean theyre not animals, goodness gravy! and! they damaged the hotel! they brought in an APC[tank] and crashed it into the front entrance of the hotel. finally Trillanes surrendered ONLY to prevent further bloodshed.

sigh. i really dont know whats happening to the world. i mean, come on, its not only happening in one place. i didnt know about this til yesterday and i can safely say that im on Trillanes' side. i never liked arroyo's ruling. i could see shes really one evil freak who has many propagandas. well, if i was evil enough, id snipe the fucking bitch *ssooot*[sniping sound]. emmm...*whoops*? such a small lady with a great power. well, yeah i know, size dont matter. but you know the feeling of crushing her to pieces? ahakz.

my views? i really thought that Trillanes was treated unfairly; “I entered politics. The people voted for me, but what did they do. They disrespected the more than 11 million votes that I got. They did not give representation to the people who voted for me,”
and because during the hearing[before he walked out], something fishy happened inside[which prolly made him walk out]. i think he was brave enough to stand up for his right that was taken away from him. i mean, the bishops wouldnt be on his side if he was doin bad right? mom said that bishops were askin arroyo to step down long ago but she refused. ewww! like thick-skinned lor! why let the people vote if youre gonna disregard them? she knows filos do not like her but shes still being the greedy ass who wants power all to herself and decides for herself to stay in power. she wants the power because she have the people in her small hands. she knows we want to oust her but shes being bold enough to stay input. i doubt that even if i sandpaper her face, it wouldnt work coz of her thick skin. hmmm...perhaps she wants another revolution to happen? one bigger than the historic edsa dos revolution that happened six years ago to erap? gee. the phils are still experiencing typhoon right? well, im sure the filos can still move without Trillanes. im sure that sooner or later arroyo will be kicked in her puny lil powerful butt and be ousted and will cry like one lil midget!

omfg, i feel like ive so much hatred in me on arroyo. what more if i was in the phils? haha. but seriously, hope she and her stupid pets[who follow her everywhere] will be powerless tomorrow. cheyyy. like can happen like that! we can all clearly see and observe how our neighbouring countries are rapidly improving and how we all wished that one day, one good leader would just step in and really help us catch up with the rest.i mean its really just saddening that a country who has so much potential is being restrained by the greedy ones. the greedy ones who probably had committed the seven deadly sins! there are so many talented people whose talents are just not being recognized. our govt have been using the wrong tactics to really help the phils up. theyre more like just working on how rich they themselves can get rather than how we all can stand up from our fallen economy. and the stupid police and army who are still siding her are just brainless. GODAI uh you all! okaye im being too much of a judgemental freak! i should shut up now. o_O

but before i shut up, back to Bonifacio Day, i mentioned it because i think its planned that Trillanes want to have the revolution today. but the govt prevented it. so it was supposedly gonna be another historic event in the phils. and i feel like they did that to shut Trillanes up; to cover up their present and future evil plans. hmm. if only all the shamans will get together and shaman arroyo! hahha. okaye, okaye, okaye. i should really shut up now. o_O

*adds*

“Like all evil regimes, there is an end to it.”- Sen. Trillanes

happy slip

a coupla days ago, jig showed me a video that made me crack up and became an addict of. happyslip aka christine is the girl behind all these vidz and no, she doesnt have any production team; she is a one-woman production team; she does the make-up, lightings, scripting, directing, acting, and editing. she portrays up to almost 10 different characters. a lil intro about her, she was born in virginia and is currently living in new york, shes already 31? [and i thought shes only like 23?]. and emmm, why am i sharing this? is she worth watching? well, shes hilarious, shes the "fifth most subscribed" on youtube, has almost 91 000 subscribers, and won second Best Comedy at the 2006 YouTube video awards to smosh. so yeah. she has looks too.
emmm, some of you may be a lil ignorant as to why she does this. first of all, shes not the only one who does these kinda things; theres smosh, nalts, kevjumba, etc [if you guys are really youtubers]. emm, she, just like other comedians, does these to put a smile on our faces, especially to those who are strained from work or life? "laughter's the best medicine". so yeah. its really worth watching. thank you. and... happy slippin!

feed me with love

Emm...
Happy Thanksgiving.
Turkeyless.
in fact, no celebration at all.
work work work -_-
but anyways, it really isnt a catholic event.

i did, however spend the day with the class. i think its our third official class outing, while its my first; since i missed the first class movie outing and the chalet. ahee. as i dont like changes, im still known for being a ditch-er. although i didnt today, coz actually some ditched us, saying theyre goin, theyre goin and ultimately, they had other plans. o_~ i already know how it feels like being ditched. although its fun when i ditch people, lol. it sucks to be me. hmm, im pleased to see that there are some improvements among the quiet and timid ones in the class. though i feel that some are still reluctant to join and are aloof with the rest, or maybe just towards me? haha! i should break their ices harder! and deeper! lol. deeper bebeh, deeper! nyahahahaha!

on to the 7th week of 2nd sem, and im already detesting school! well, since first week, frankly speaking. all because of networking. fucking module. nothing ever goes into my head. ive nothing against gremars teaching nor esthers; the problem lies with me. i dont know why my brain just dont wanna save the informations being fed or downloaded into me. its... shtewpedd! and visual basic too! the only lesson im enjoying is computing maths. omg! puhleeeze dont fail me on that one! im loving it, so dont ruin my joy! and to think, im plannin to take networking in my second year! and already, my performance is doin disappointingly unsatisfactorily! and at the rate were goin, from having to know the smallest part of the computer to making it run, is really makin me go berserk with all the sheyts about computers! time is really passing soooo fucking fast and the lecturers are just teaching for the sake of teaching, making sure theyre either ahead - or on time with the schedule, not bothering whether or not, we fucking dig their every word is driving me insanely off the deep end! its whats makin me slack, lose interest, fall off track and divert my time into something i enjoy more. i get either so lethargic or restless. ugh! i feel i really need to repair my own computer; upgrade my RAM, flash bios, and processor. i feel like im still running on a celeron. sigh.

subtly exposed

something ive always thought im obliged to share my feelings about years ago never happened and wont ever. since ive blown all my rights to speak out about that matter; which i so firmly opposed to and still do, yet i am forever bounded by and shorn of that right. and i loathe myself for breaking my principle. and i know that even if i express contrition, it would not restore the right i once proudly owned and could shout out to the world. i have become a whited sepulcher to those whom ive concealed the veracity from. and most likely, even if against my will, will i have to uphold it and bring to my grave; with only a couple of hominids being aware of the fact. i am still in uncertainty if they have not leaked out any information about the shared secrecy. for i have sworn to be the soul of your discretion to anybody regardless the acquaintanceship of either parties. my only demand is you do the same.

brotherness you gave me

i miss thiru...
im a lil gloomy because i cant find a thiru in my current class. i have a sam but hes not in my class :( so far pidoz and leilei, but im not yet close with them because i think they are shy. haha! kidding. just that, thiru has taken care of me and was really my closest friend and im gonna cry if hes leavin for ns. and ill prolly gonna start call him again every night or so. haha, i havent been on the phone with him for ages. cuz why? im shy! to use the phone! haha! crap! but really i hate phone convos now. lol. dunno why. anyways, i just love having brothers around because i feel protected. and thiru, really really. if sams to be my classmate, then cool! id be happy to have another brother. but dont worry thiru, ull always be thiru, no ones gonna take over you. sams being sam and no ones gonna be another sam. haha! im so emoing now. thiruuuuu where are you, seems like its been forever that youve been gone. haha! fussole.

beside you

its tough to lose someone who took care of you, saw you grow up and loved you so much. i do not like going through that; cuz it makes you weakens and it sometimes makes you sink. OUR STRENGTH IS OUR WEAKNESS AND OUR WEAKNESS IS OUR STRENGTH. theyre where you obtain your strength from when youre at your weak point but its also where your weakness comes from. i very much envy you people; for your relatives are just here with yall. when someone passes on, you can be with them til their very end. while i, through their hard times til their very last breath til theyre buried, the urge and desire that i have, to be with them, i cannot get. just because we are apart. but its also why i can let go easily; the distance and time for us both wasnt there. i do not like seeing people take their loved ones for granted because if only i could steal away their opportunity to be with their loved ones, i would. although, me moving on easily makes me feel guilty; just because i wasnt with them, while i talk to the people who were with them still grieving. from the time i came here til now, ive lost 5 immediate family members and none of which, gave me the chance to see them off, which made me move on easily, which i think, made my cousins think i wasnt taking it seriously, which made me have guilty conscience.

ouh well, nuff of the loquaciousness.
i can see you try to smile, suppressing the tears. and im happy you can do that. you being a guy, i was heartened when you said its extremely hard to accept that shes gone. i may not say much and the silence really makes me feel the sadness youre going through. like yijuan said, we are here for you.

you are in it

image extracted from my fav duhling slut, yijuan.

edited by me, hehe.

i cant believe after being her classmate for 3years+ [since sec3] she still dont know how to spell my surname! prolly becoz she always pronounce it as "ferrari" or "ferrero". well, either shes just playin dumb with my surname or she really dont know how to spell my surname -_-. but im wondering why shes got lei-lei's name perfectly! ugh! even ishams names wrong. haha.
funneh, funneh funneh funneh.

hmmm, i think its harmlessly harmless to say that aidas been very horny lately. haha! shes always singin "im hornneh, hornneh hornneh hornneh/so hornneh, hornneh hornneh hornneh" and is always [should i say] keen to talk about those. tsktsktsk. and to think, shes the baby of the class. ouh well, shes a growing child and is in a NEED to learn more about these kinda things. and all i can do is, *chuckle*chuckle*chuckle*. well, yesterday we had a 'girl talk' part one which consisted of only tufha, me and her plus cassan. and today 'girl talk' part two with me, her, yijuan, pearlyn, jiawen and huiting. sad larr, no tufha. she couldve been our example in so many things. haha! thereve been more girl talks but with some boys before actually; but i just cant count how many times. so let me take this as the official.
whatevvaaaaaaah.


sigh. i miss you t-r-u-c-k-l-o-a-d-s too Kris G.! sigh. if only, if only! ugh! soon! soon! okaye? okaye? like 8years time?! haha! crap. ouh well. time will come when i get out of here. and fulfill my to-do-list.

its the that

hmmm, finally got to chop my hair off! i first used a garden shear to trim 2inches off then a steak-knife and a small-bread-knife to layer it. and voila! well, at least no more split ends but still got dry hair shia! like fuck. i hate my hair larrr. buy so many treatment sheyt all useless -_- but anyways. i dont like my hair now. but gee. whatevvvaaaaaaah.

ouh. emm. ANNOUNCEMENT
my beloved thirus leaving for NS in a months time, 14th Dec. so hes COMMANDing to have a "farewell" party. before we "bury" him alive. he wants a picnic at the beach. and he wants to suntan -_- i told him hes gettin free suntan at camp. well, as his "dying" wish, his wish is HIS command. so to all thirus friends and family, youre all cordially invited to thirus farewell picnic-at-the-beach party. in fact hes already makin handmade invitations for all of us. so i guess we shall all wait to receive it. you guys just bring baskets and thiru will bring the food then well all meet up at the beach and thiru can then put the food into the baskets and then whatever. you can bring your own stuff. im probably just gonna bring my BIG baby TAZ so he can thank thiru for getting him off that Mini Toons shelf and bringin him under my HECK care. haha! just kiddin.

ummm...im hungry. emmm...yar, yesterday i watched the THE BIG BANG THEORY. cooooool uuuuh. urrrr...tomorrow got pe. ammmm... im lame. uhhhh, im outta here! laters!

i feel your tight embrace in the cold night, saying everything is alright

within half an hour of my last post, i "friended" back with MOM and DAD. but i still am NOT gonna clean up their mess. hmph! i refuse to. because it took me almost 3days to get it all done. and they just "abolished" it. awww-mah-gaaah!!!

anyway.
jurong east.
that place is pretty stamped-in-my-memory. so many things happened in that place. with a few people. its just funny how weird it feels to go to a place you had memories in and you start reminiscing [when youre at that place at that time]. especially when you seldom go to that place or youve only been there for a couple of times, the recollection is pretty much more clearer or you can even remember, if not all, almost everything that happened in that place. lol. i wasnt actually reminiscing. not even for the past few days. it just came to my mind like that then *poof*, gone. but a month ago, yeah. and i miss the people ive hung out with there.

on a lighter note, Philippine National Basketball team vs Singapore's score: 90—42 today. weeeee. ouh well, filos are good in basketball. like singapore is in soccer. so just imagine SG vs Phil in soccer, haha. the scores gonna be the other way round. ouh well, good game, kababayans.

thank you mom for fixin my fav bag. no thank you [mom n dad] for messin up me boudoir! and i hate kuya for not helping with the house chores, just because hes still in NS; he washes his own clothes all by himself there and hes so tired when he comes home and he just "misses" our helping him and yaddayaddayadda, ergo, we have to do it for him... -_- stupidest excuse that makes you go ~_o when you hear it. o-m-g! yea, true you rarely come home, yet all you do is dirty and mess the place we all friggin clean everyday! when youre supposed to be home, you go out, leave a huge mess and only come home when were all asleep and when we wake up, youre gone again. like wtf. if my NS friends can still help around the house, i dont see why you cant; you lazy, self-centered, squanderer, son of our mom! U-G-H! and all we ask for is cooperation, and my everlasting gifts! yea! i deserve gifts for doing your chores man! you fucking suck, brother! urgh!

*phew*. there. just needed to vent my rage for my animosity in my supposedly-yet-oppositely big brother whom i should say his world revolves around NS, girlfriend and self-luxurious life. i strongly feel he hasnt been a big brother and a son for years, yet mom and dad cant bear to punish him or leave him be; at least financially, even if he takes advantage of it.
gee, i sound so cruel. but its just how i feel. i just feel like putting him in a squatter area in the phils so he can learn how to make use of his time and money worthwhile.

o-m-g. i think i sound so the jiejie/kakak/ate there! ahee! right? right? right? :)

the small, little things

should i be pissed?
i should be!
the hard work and sweat i put in to clean my fucking room last week - all gone.
messed up again.
by whom?!
MOM and DAD!
unbelievable. believe it.

UGH!!!!! they took the fucking cabinet i used to put my fucking school stuffs and the what-have-yous and they just...! o-m-g! can i crush them?! i know how mom hates the things she tidied up gets messed up. and now they did this to me. and dad just came in and shook his head and said "put this back there also lazy" i kena sia. LIKE FUCK. you messed up my room you clean la! wahleo. cannot stand sia. now all the junks and the small things just lying on the floor again. waiting to be kept. and nuh-uh i am sooo not gonna clear them away. they took the cabi away so where do they expect me to keep the stupid things!? ergh! fuck it. i hate you today!

ouh geez...

sigh. its a pity how much you put in so much effort in your friendship when you dont get any in return. i guess the problem is that, with all the friendships we all have been through, weve been sort of like traumatized by the bad incidences so like, the trust that we have for our friends kinda depletes. which is also brought forward when we meet new ones. ouh well. its really hard to find real friends even if you love each other. loving each others not enough. saying the words i love you is not enough. how can you say you love them when the simple things like sharings, you cant even do? you even try to HIDE or deny. aint that sick? and the worst thing is, you label your friendship as something special. shtewpid fake people. cut the fucking crap man. there are friends who have been a very loyal friend to their friends and they help whenever they fucking can. and the simple thing they ask for in return, is also your trust, you cant even give. like its a one-sided trust. its shtewped when you tell a friend youve lost trust in the rest and that person is the only one you trust. but the way you act is as if you dont fully trust him/her too, even when you said you do? gosh. you have some issues man. like when he/she opens up and then when he/she feels somethings wrong with you, you shut him/her out like he/shes a nobody. geez. get a life.

youre holding it

i remember a few years ago i wanted a boyfriend/husband to be a chef. bcoz i didnt know - and well, still dont know how to cook, so i needed someone who will for me! ahee! and so many friends have been offering to do that. awww. how sweet. shaka. and the cool thing is, its all just a coincidence that they all said the same thing at the same time. incredible. im stoked at what my life would look like. what my husband is gonna be. how he looks like. what he does. waaaaaah. im thinkin too far ahead. ahee. but of course. cooool uuuuh. if ever i marry a chef, hes to be a sexy one. masculine and all. fooo! just like chef mito. haha. wooo. derek ramsey baby! hmmm, so far the closest derek ramsey i have is kristian garcia, my surfer "boifriend". awww. kris is gonna finish his psychology studies soon. ahee. i cant wait for the time i finish my studies so i can travel on my own without any escorts in the phils so i can go on my adventure with krissy! yey! geez. enough of fantasizing my future. i have like almost a decade to go before i fucking graduate. how sick. i hate this place larr. if only dad really kept his promise to go canada to continue our high school onwards. sigh. ouh well. whats dones done. live with it jo! ahee.

so maybe one day we can just look back and laugh at our mistakes

47 days to christmas.
my wish for christmas is to relive my childhood.
running around with my fellow friends.
ice cream treats.
playgrounds.
presents.
parties.
toys.

everythings just so boring now. everybody doin their own stuff. gosh i hate growin up.

~~
im not stoked as i should be.
for one. the trip backs been cancelled.
two. which means im out being one of the abays/bridesmaids.
three. which means imma be replaced.
four. my much awaited of the year; celebrating christmas with my maternal clans ruined.
five. no cousin-ings.
six. no shopping/no huge rollercoaster rides/no fucking fun.

~~
shtewped sheyt!

~~
i have been feeling baffled lately. til now in fact. until i thought about it hard. and i came up with an assumption. that maybe i am falling-in-like. ouh myyyy. hahha. something i havent felt for a long time. but i already know its not gonna happen. nuh-uh. sigh. what a life. i just wanna be really taken care of. someone whos gonna make me laugh. someone whos gonna pamper me. that simple. and so far, i love gettin it from family and friends. not gonna ask for more. but of course if its gonna be given to me, then, COOOOL UUUUH. but of course i have limits. ill say no when i dont think its gonna turn out right. right? sigh. sucky life larr. i dont like feeling this way. eeeeeek. i dont wanna fall-in-like with anybody, you know! but somehow i cant control it. shtewpid sheyt!

~~
omg. thank you. because you said it. i know im sorry for many things too. i am so like fucking happy ive gotten over you a month ago. but im even happier ive gotten your apology. whoa. like koooool uuuuuh... sigh. what a life. but i think i still deserve explanations. but im not asking. at your own pace. just need closure.

~~
aaaaaaaaahhhh...imma go cracked! hellllp meee!

leave it to me

"coooool uuuuh"
lmffaorotff
pidoz aka firdaus confirm proud to have made his expression of "cooool uuuuh" recognized in the class. tahha. he says it whenever he learns something new; say like he dont understand something, he asks, lecturer explains, then he reacts, "ooooh, coool uuuh" haha! and its now become our habit too.

hmmm, all along i thought The Heroes at Ch5 is season2. geeez! when when when will they air season2 mannn! Star World! cmon!

hmmm, i really hope to have more of Inspire Club gatherings/meetings. i just need to really get back to those workshops. sheez. i feel like sofa king dead. i want action bebeh. daymm i miss Drama Society and Claire! at least were taken care of there. coool uuuh.

HAPPY DEEPAVALI to my beloved friends.

nostalgia

gee-whee, i sounded pretty dumb at my last post. very dumb.
its just that in this kind of work, im used to being just the member; being told what to do. well, whatever the whatever, i told myself i want to be a more responsible person, being able to handle both myself and my team, so i hope i can make this lil project work. its really not that big of a deal. but since i havent touched on this side of my personality and growth for a long time, ill make it that big of a deal. at least for myself. lol. [serious sia joanne] and yah i just HOPE that those four people will co-operate uh. if not, ill cry buckets and pails and containers and vessels of - whatever.

sigh.
i feel sooo. . .rigid at school now. because when i want to go crazy, i cant. because the people there arent like me. haha. i mean, i just miss 5/1. i cant get loud because i cant find someone to go really really frantic with, besides yi juan, whom i guess would sometimes find me "weird". haha! so i just try to shut the fuck up whenever i feel like letting loose. i get noisy for a few seconds then will eventually die down, which makes me feel and become even weirder...ahee. sigh.

and if you observe, time has really been passing by so fast i feel i cant keep up. it seemed like, just a few weeks or months ago, we were all stoked about our then-upcoming grad night, talking bout the event, concentrating more on the night rather than the big Os. the times when everybody were gan chiongs enough to window-shop for their dresses/suits; for as early as may/june [6months before the night].
**snap back to reality** its the near end of 2007. gawsshhh.

i just miss everybody. i miss being a kid. i miss being scolded by teachers. i miss eating ice cream in the playground. i miss running around the school compound. i miss visiting our dental clinic for regular checkups. i miss writing slam books/diaries. i miss the boyband times. i miss the "you friend her? i dont friend you!" times. and once again, i miss my bloody old bestfriend. if theres a wish i could wish for right at this moment, itd be to take me back to that time and just live it all over again so this time i can cherish the moments better. and to also make amendments to whatever it is i should have not done at all.

gee, i just hate moments like this. the emoting moments -_-

kaaa-ching!

hmmm...
something to rant about.
im not really complaining - but i totally objected to becoming one leader of a group, for a few judicious, reasonable reasons.
one. i havent handled one in ages
two. im not INTO being one - at all
three. im irresponsible [i cant handle no sheyt]

only one thing came to my mind when they chose me; they all dont want the responsibility and since i was the oldest among em, they found someone they can dump the responsibility or "dependence" on. tahha. but on a lighter note, im just tellin myself, leader=just a name/position; dont really have to tell em what to do, thats a whole load of crap. and yah, if ever do, itll be a good thing for me. but nah, prolly wont. im too laid back to become a real fucking leader, tahha. ill just roll my eyes non stop. @_@ actually i was laffing inside. i was like, jojo? me? leader? MUAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHA! okaye. thats just lame. -_-
not that ive never been a leader, im just used to being a leader who just "shake-leg", haha! just relek-one-korner! yah, well, in other words, a useless leader. wakakaka. well, well see if i change. i did warn em, but they said they "dont care". theyre prolly used to havin "heck-care" leaders.

geez. well, its great catching up with wier. ol times. mutual feeling over the people in yfc. lol. whatever them.

gaaaaah! and one more thing, i feel like... hahha! actually i cant explain what it is either. sheeeeez! like eff sia. *blushes* aheeee.
ouhkaye,
uber aaand out!

jaded

as of this moment, i am whacked of missing someone i loved and still love very much. i noticed you only come say it when you feel like it. well, likewise. one day, i hope to find that perfect moment for us to sit and talk like its our last few moments. youre so preoccupied with your work and the only times you can get out of it is when i cant. so fucked up because were both so fucking different now. or maybe just you. and you have so many people loving you who live the same lifestyle as you. its why i try not to come too close because of what youve become. im not sneering at you. just - im afraid youll do what you did. im just tired of missing you.
i love you.