I miss the days they cared. I miss the days they were there. I miss the days I’m remembered. I miss the days we laughed. I miss the days I fell and you picked me up. I miss the days we crapped. I miss the days we ate together everyday, everynight. I miss the lil clashes - then the scoldings. I miss the days when they weren’t busy. I MISS E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

I realized that. The more we expect, the more it won’t come [or] the more we won’t get.

I’ve been anticipating so many things to happen that I’m actually going ahead of “fate” or “destiny”. I believe now that the more you rush on things, the more you’ll be disappointed in the end. True story. It happened like a gazillion times already. Well, at least to me.

I guess I’ve been askin for too much.

But y’know, on that day, the only thing I asked, was for us to be together. At least for that day - or night. I didn’t care about those even if you knew I would. But in the end I got none anyway. None from everyone. Only Gs.

I don’t wanna make or even hear promises that in the end won’t be fulfilled. Anymore.

I will stop. Stop my anticipations. Stop waiting. And just really do things naturally. I just hope they remember that I’m ACTUALLY still here.

treasure it.

Hmmm, hi. Yea. It’s me. Again.

Haven’t been talkin to anybody. At all. Just texts and IMs. Haven’t been in the mood, really. Since Monday. It’s been bothering me. And I only hope that I’m wrong. Because if not, then goodbye to a friendship I dearly treasured.

So, yeap. That’s all. G’bye for now.




And yes, I’m game for lunch with anyone.

almost but still perfect

Good morning!!! Well, emm, good evenin’ actually. I’ve been meanin to blog this morning but this stupid thing took so the many much of the my the time. Haiyuuuhhh!!!

Aanyway, I was so, pretty [lol] energetic when I woke up that I decided to cook me breakfast! Ouh and mind you! I woke up at NINE am! From 3. Uhhuh! *nodding* . And and that’s what I cooked! I’ve never cooked in suchha long time! And damn right I’m braggin! Cuz…cuz…you see that scrambled egg there?! Perfect ain’t it? That is sooo my first time to actually cook an egg like that! I didn’t burn it! Soft and scrumptious. AS IN! lol. [exxag…] Well, the initially-long bacons shrunk to that size. I don’t know why. Or maybe it’s really just like that when it‘s cooked?! And yeah, the hotdogs’re are a lil burned too. But really! I’m proud of myself because I woke up early and initiatively cooked for myself. Lol.

So that is all. Muahahahaha. I don’t know what else to say. Oh, hi…lol. I’m gett’n outta herre. I’m friggin boooorrrrrrrreeeeeedddddaaaah!!!!

the simplicity of her feelings

i'm simply not interested period

tahha

Okaye hi…I just got up an hour ago, and it’s 2pm now and dad just left for work and mom’s coming in 2-3 hours time from work and my brother I don’t know what time and from only-he-knows-where. So practically, that makes me a loner! Tahha. I like it though. ‘S all good.

I don’t know why I’ve been seeing a lot of love-topic on blogs lately. Hahha, I’m glad I ain’t experiencing any heart aches or feeling the joy of love lately. Emm, it’s only been weeks ago that I was outraged and I myself couldn’t believe that I got over it in just a week. Yup! I looiikke! [Ouh! Kuya’s back! Yey! He’s here now. Tweeeeee!!! I think he just went to the gym.]

On the contrary, I feel bad ‘cuz I feel like I’m makin…I don’t want…expect…*whaaat?!* I can’t put it to words…but really I’m just not interested if that’s where he’s heading.

What I want in a guy is being a gentleman, fun, who makes me laugh all the time and most importantly makes me feel interested in. If you don’t see me smiling all the time or I’m lookin somewhere else or see my eyes wandering somewhere else. That’s just my natural self saying I’m not interested. So really, it’s sayin we should remain companions. *sigh* I just hope all you guys who have seen me like this with you will read this. So you can move on.

Gee, I don’t think they’ll get the message though. I’m sad. *sigh*

Finally gone to the salon. *Sheeesh!* after days and months and years and decades and generations and centuries and…and…baaaaaah! Exagg…

Ouh wells, as usual, I procrastinated again. *sigh* I’ll never change will I? Will I?! WILL I?!! Well, I got a nice reasonable reason to reason out to that! Ever since school break started, automatically I’ve been sleeping at 3-5am. Then’ll wake up at 12-1pm. *sigh* I duwanna be like this anymore! It’s killin mehh! It’s a murderer! *waaaaa* Gosh I exagg a lot eh? Lol. I know! But nevertheless, hols or not, I still procrastinate. Like like! SABBY told me even when I talk I procras! I mean is that true?! I mean…for reals?! Cuz I’ve never thoughtta that. Ouh weeyll.

Aaanyhooww, Joanne had SPAM for brunch. Yeah, a piggy eating pork. Lol. How cute is that! This MODELLING AGENCY called again to make an appointment. I know many of you will be like “Eww?! Joanne?! Modeling?! *then rolls eyes*”. Well, YOU have NO idea! So shut up! I said I wasn’t interested anyway. From the start! So you see, I’m humble enough!

So yeah, took my bath then washed the dishes then dance-groomed. Lol. As always. So yeap! After the self-pampering, met Javvy and had dinner at Delifrance. Lol. First classmate in 1D to go out with. He was pretty disappointed cuz he’s been wanting to go out since my birthday. But I was real lazy after Thiru cancelled. Plus, plus, he thought that we could catch a show but mom called. So yeap. Sorry lah. I’m sure there are many more days to come. Lol. But really, chill. Chill if I become indolent ok? Cuz I AM a shirker. I’m really not fond of going out when hols comes. Hahha. That’s why I’m a dull person. But I still like me! And I won’t change Me just because you find me boring and lifeless. Tahha. If you do that, Fuck you!

Okaye, really, I’m going way over. Lol. I’m talkative la hor?! Kaye lah! See you in heaven.

*gobbling up stingray*

ooo

circle circle dot dot

bloggin bloggin blog blog...

boring boring bored bored...

sleeping sleeping not not...

i wonder why the weather's hot...

people say I'm really hott

really really fucking bored...

it's already 2 and i'm sleeping not...

i wanna sleep but i cannot!

stupid eyes can close or not!

i think i'll go and smoke pot pot

i drink sometimes but i'm not a sot!

you may like me or you may not

all i'll say is go fuck a bitch or fuck a dog

godai la go and rot

i'm sleepy now so thank God...

birthday

Eyo, it’s my birthday. Gonna parteeh with Beyonce!

My lunch treat with Thiru and Ree was cancelled. Thiru got a last minute call-back by his manager to work as the trainees had exam. So I thought of going to the salon but I got all lazy so I just thought I’d stay home and sleep. Couldn’t sleep though so went online. Went out with Mom twice, then went to church.

My birthday’s pretty plain, dull and boring for many of you. But y’know, Mom was on a night shift, Dad was working OT and Kuya’s in camp. Well, at least Mom was here to blow the candles with me before she went off to work. So really, no complains. Shit happens.

Anyhow, I’d like to thank the 43 people or more who greeted me. Presents were great. Real thank you.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD

so yeap!

Hi bloggy! You missed me?! Oh like c’mon! it’s only been hours! Geeeee… *non-stop 360 degree eyeroll*

So yeah, Father’s Day yesterday daaawggg!!! Nothing much. Thought of going out but I was really dead beat and so were they! So in the morning, Kuya went off for gym and came back with pizza and cake. The celebration was not fancy but at least we celebrated it. And we were all tired from the few days before. So yeap!

*sigh* Didn’t get anything for Dadda… me no monneyy, momma dunno what to get fer daddeyy, at least Kuya got him pizza and cakkeyy.. I’m sad. Haha! I mean I really wanna get him something, I just don’t know what. Cuz he’s got everything he wants and needs. Lol. So yeap!

Today, planned to fix me hair. But the cash hasn’t come in. so I just trimmed me hair. Mom wasn’t happy cuz it was like I didn’t cut my hair at all and it cost me $14. But hey I said TRIM right?! *geeee*… So yeap!

I’m real lazy to celebrate my birthday. I always get excited before the day. And when it’s finally here, my idleness comes in and takes over my enthusiasm. *sigh* And I’ve been getting easily weary these past few days so I’ve been slumbering many times a day compared to school days. Hmm, wonder why! I just like chillin here at home though. It’s real fun. *luuvveeeettt!!!* So yeap!

I don’t care about not getting any gifts or Taz cake or celebrating at all. I just wanna sleep, really. So yeap. Cya!

PORK!

UPDATES…

My Friday’s okaye. Went to school for PE. Played badminton with Sisi awhile then learned TABLE TENNIS! Abang Fir and Sham taught us! Funny,

Fir: “Eh, you from China, you donno how to play!”
Sisi: “ ’Coz I never learn mah. *something something* [I didn’t hear well] ”

Okaye, so maybe my being not-detailed’s not so funny after all. Anyway! After PE, had lunch with Fir and Sham… Leilei and Merv didn’t join! [StewPIG! Leave me only!] Fir was shy cuz I treated him so he only chose Chicken Rice! Lol. End up, we 3 were eating the same dish! Whuuutevah…
Went home tired.

Didn’t have any plans for the day so I thought just accompany kuz to MOE then PS then go home. But something came up. So after MOE shit, received a call for another job interview so we then went to Toa Payoh. Then after the interview, walked around TP Interchange. Got approached by this stupid modeling agency. “Uh, not interested.Sorry” [walks away]. Then another one forced me. [He looked familiar. I think ex CDIAN.]

Guy: “ [blah3] ”
Me: “Oh, I was just approached by some guy already and I’m not interested.”
Guy: “Oh, you give me that one [calling card], you take my one. [explains further…blah3]…you can just give me your contact number and we’ll call you.”
Me: “But I’m really NOT interested! Even if you call me, I’d still say NO what!”
Guy: “Ya, it’s okay. When we call you and you’re still not interested then it’s ok la, there‘s nothing we can do. But as long as we call you then okay already lah. [STUPID right! Only after the commission!] ”

So yeah I just gave my contact info. And I went off to look for my kuzzie. After that, headed to PS. Waited for mommy and daddy. *sigh* [Very long lei!!!] We bought some presents then went to have dinner at Lao Beijing Dining Hall as part of Farewell Dinner to my cuzzin who‘s gone back to the Phil this morning.. And Father’s Day celebration…I think?

Lol. Ya, so I ordered lotsa PORK! Hahaha! I looooiiiikkkeee! Fried Rice I also chose PORK! Haha! To all my Muslim kawans, sorry! I said that purposely. But yes, I did :P confirm YOU ALL won’t share food and drinks with me already! Nahbeeeehh! Anyway, I had to FINISH the food cuz mom and kuz couldn’t! [They eat so little sia! But at home my cuzin eat like pig lor! Haha! JK] Maybe she’s really not used to the food here. Whatever… So yeah. Dad and I were the PIGGS, happily finishin the food. Haha!

SATURDAY!
I had to wake up at 4 to send kuz off to the airport. Mom was wakin me up and I was just moaning that I was sleepy and don‘t wanna send her off. I woke up so damn early and only slept at 3+ am lor. Lol. So when they were all dressed up, dad came in and said “Ahhh! Wanna talk big only! Say wake up early!” Then I still didn’t want to, but whathehell! So I got up! And for the very first time in my whole life, I just powdered myself [J&J baby powder!], blah3...got dressed, and spruced. Then TADDA! Mom and dad were both shocked that that was a record breaking [in my record breaking book la] ever! I never once STEPPED out of the house without having my bath! That’s why mummy complains when she asks me to throw rubbish and I have to bath first! Lol. So yeah. Nevertheless, I still smelled good. People were still crowding on[?] me. Lol. Of course, they can’t resist my face! :P So yeah, after that, went to Funan, bought dad himself new white Samsung LCD monitor, the very flexible one. Can turn the head 360degrees and whatever. Lol. Then had Taco’s then headed home! *phew!* 5hours of blogging. And I’m finally done!

-

The usual, school. After break, went back to do Lab shit. Those I haven’t completed. Ouh well, I just copied em from Fir. Lol. As always. He’s been saving my ass a lot. Anyway. YJ gave me this movie coupon. Thanks eh. Watched O-13 with kuzzie.

I’m missing people. I don’t know why. Why uh?! Shux! Like when I’m out alone. I just feel like calling someone up and hang out. But I know everyone’s THAT busy. *sigh*. I hate everybody! Lol.

So tomorrow’s the last day of school. Gonna chill. Though I dunno with whom… *sigh* Everyone’s missing everyone. Yet there’s never a plan to have a gathering. Lol. There was…but not everyone was free. See! We’re all caught up with our own shit. *sigh*. I’m sure y’all’ll be busy on my birthday three I know. Lol. I’m really making it suchha big of a deal huh? Like as if Imma invite people. Lol. Sorry folks, penniless here. Okaye whatever. I’m really not bothered about my birthday. Hah! I’m just not excited? I’ve grown up so much. Unlike before when I used to always dream about how my birthday’s gonna be and all. But now, I’m just not interested. Why? Why?! I’m a big girl. Lol. Small but older? Chhyeeaah yeah, whuddevah.

All I want is to chill with anybody anywhere anytime of the DAY [only]! So I really hope any of you will call me up and set up a meeting with me! Don’t ever be shy okaye? Promise, all will be at your expense. I’m just bored, really. So I’m just typing random shit. And I’m sleepy three. Seriously dead beat. I never get enuff sleep. *sigh* I pity myself a lot. I love me y’know. But I just can’t seem to take care of myself. Too lazy to do all those.

So many things to say, so little memory-space I’ve got. So I’ve forgotten what I wanna say. *what’s wrong with you*

I’ll just stop and good night!

The more you suffer, the more you’ll succeed!
- By Joanne

the missings

Hey you!!!

So I saw Ree view my Profile and I viewed his too. And his pictures. And y’know whhaaatt?!!! I sofa king miss him! *sigh* Gone are the days when he waited for me every single day [well, ALMOST every single day…] at the bus stop just to make sure I’m on time for school.

I noticed that Thiru, Shahir and Ree were the only ones who were there to help me not get my ass kicked by Rajjy and Ah Hoe. Lol. How thoughtful of them. I’m just thankful for having these creatures around me. But now they’re far away from me. So I guess it’s only right I stand by my own two feet, be independent, not to let their effort go to waste and go to school EARLY. Lol, I made it sound so serious. Bleeaaaahh… But yeah, it’s really nice to know that they cared for me [still care anot?!]. I miss you guys so much. Though now we don’t talk much and we’re not as close as we used to be, I just hope that I’ll be in your HEARTs and MINDs, haunting you everyday, if not every second. Lol.

So I’m in the missing-mode again. And actually I’m only missing 5/1. Lol. Weird I’m not missing other people but 5/1. So yeah. I’ve got loadsa things to say but I somehow have forgotten them ALL. *Whut’s wrong with meyy…*

Okaye, here’s one. There’s this person who’s going for a holiday and will be missing my BIRTHDAY! I know I won’t be celebrating with anybody else besides family but still, I just don’t want anyone to leave Singapore! Lol. How selfish of me. Self-centered daughter-of-a-not-bitch!

Aanyway, I didn’t know it’s the Phil’s Independence Day yesterday, 12 June. How terrible horrible vegetable of me! Well Happy Inde Day!

11th Death Year Anniv of Gramps Benjie today! And I think it was him who was watching me bath this morning! Oh golly! Well yes, during my bath. Tee hee. Probably because he and Gramms used to bath me when I was a kid and now I’m all grown up as a young lady. He just can’t believe I’ve grown so much. *sigh* Gramps! Y’know! Your son’s got no more teeth! It’s all gonna be pulled out soon! Dad’s not handsome no more! He’s gone bo gei! We’re all fine here! I’m sure you can read this! Heaven confirm high-tech sia! More high-tech than Earth! Cooonfeerm uh!

And and!!! I saw my 2nd week [I think?] of school crush when I was going out of the gate to the overhead bridge with Lei-lei. He's not handsome larr. But he's cute larr. But okaye uh. But he smokes uh! I no like. But never mind uh. Like I care lidat! I no time for all these crap uh! Lol.

Okaye la! If I remember what I’m suppose to say I’ll come back here okaye?! Ehhhh, don’t laiidat la bloggy! I love you you know! But I forgetful uh! Don’t jealous with brainy okaye?! Goodnight fer now!

bloodied green tea

Hi! Good eveniiiing….

Y’know!!!? I’m happy because I wasn’t THAT late. Lol. I came the same time as Fir! Knowing that that guy always comes on time or maybe even earlier, I should say I’m proud I came pretty earlier than my usual time. Lol.

So today NO MORE PHOTOSHOP! *phew* First lesson on Sound Forge. It was okaye la. But y’know I always find things okaye in the beginning. Then when we go further and deeper, I’ll start to hate it? So, like right now, we just did some editing on this sample. I don’t really wanna think about later. When we have to learn about SOUND. Lol. But nola. I think more like we have to learn about Sound Forge that program. So yeah. whaddevah.

Lei-lei was watchin some vid on YouTube. Then he typed my name to see if I had any vids. Then I showed him the Nurul’s B-day greeting la. The loading was slow so he heard the first part of my “Haiii” [with the hand gesture]. And he said my “hi” is very the dunno-what [I forgot what he said]. And he kept replaying that part! Until Xin Long and Javvy came! So they were imitating my “hi” all the way la! And and they were kinda making fun of me. Lol. Siao Kao! Sooo, I dunno the story oredi. Very boring larr…

Anyway, abang Fir, thanks for buying me fishball uh! And the green tea too. Cuz I didn’t go down for break so I asked him to buy fer me. Lazy larr. I slept during the break. So the yummy. Lol. So this is what I did after eatin and drinkin. Lei-lei said it was gross and he snapped it. *shrugs* I dunno, I don’t find it grossy. I think it’s MY ART! Okaye, you’re just lame. Okaye, Taatttaaa….[sauce..]

ummmm

*sigh*

SUNDAY
My Sunday sucked. Lol. All because I was mugging. I had to miss attending MASS because of it. Stupid excuse. Fuck! I felt remorse… And and! I had to cancel functions I had to attend to, cuzza this s-t-u-p-i-d test! And I thought I can actually revise and finish all 11 chapters. But but but! I only managed to finish chapter 1..and a lil from 2. *sigh*… Still the same PROCRASTINATOR. “Some things just never change”. Well, that’s about MY Sunday. Fuck boring huh? I know. I just miss Family Outing on weekends. But everyone’s so busy. *sigh*

MONDAY
Uhmm, the TEST! Well, out of 20 MCQ, I manage to answer 5 or 6? On my own. I copied the rest. Plus the 10 SAQ. MCQ is 3marks each. SAQ is 4marks each. So supposedly I should only get 15 or less out of 100. Lol. How cool can that be. I was flipping through the book but I couldn’t even find one answer. Lol. I’m fuck useless. But I did anyway.

So yeah, had an hour break. Went to Dover coffee shop to eat. Lol, I really feel weird cuz I super occasionally eat at coffee shops. Second time this year I think? Last year and the past few years, at least once? It’s fun though. But I didn’t like this one! Hong Lei and I had cheese roti prata that’s $3! And the serving’s like one kinda-small-for-me cheese prata and little curry sauce? YiJuan was grumbling about her food from the Malay Stall. She had rice, and two small servings of veggie dishes. And that cost her $2.50...Whhaaaatt?!! Xin Long had a bowl of curry-dunno-what soup and small serving of another dish and the plate was FULL with rice. Like a mountain! Lol. Serious sia! The service damn bad sia! I can go other coffee shop that’s waaayy better than this one. *puih ah*… Lol. Wuuaattevah.

After that went to a provision shop to buy Push Pop! Cuz while I was eating I saw these two kids having Push Pops. So I craved for one. Allaffa sudd’n. Gee. I miss Pri Sch days. Went back for lesson then yada3...

Chilled at Vivo with Ros. I was real tired but yeah. Just gotta make time for creatures like this one. Lol. I missed my something cuzzaf HER! That Kambing. Serious sia. Lol. Aaanywaay. I reached home and went straight to bed. For a nap. Then woke up for dinner and TADDA!!! I’m here!!! Look! Look!!! Lol. Whatever.

Bye shit’eads.

updatez

Eyyy suckuRRRss.. Muehekkz.. Whut’s been up mann?!

Okaye here’s the lowdown.. We’re friends. Yep, we’re officially friends since yesturrday. [though I decided it earlier] And I still got invited to the Birthday Lunch. Seeeee, we’re both good people. ‘Cuz we were brought up like that! I don’t hold any grudges on anybody. Uhh, well, depends laaa. Hehe. So yeah, I can’t make it tomorrow ‘cuz I’m in the mugging process for this week’s tests on Monday and Thursday. *sigh* but but but! Lookin on the brighter saaaayd-ah, I can officially chill my ass out after the test on Thursdaay. So whoever wants to take me out. Er maybe just wanna have a drink or lunch OR MOVIE!!! with me [all at ur expenses :) ], don’t ever be shy to grab your cell and text er call ER! Er! IM me on MSN or Yaaaahoooooohoo. *winks* My own Hols starts from 14th til 9th July. I think? Chhyyyeeaaahhh!!!

Updates!!!

Friday.
Nothing much happened. Didn’t go to school cuz I overslept. AGAIN. And I just hope that I won’t get DEBARRED!!! *ooohhh mooommmeeeyyy* Got scolded by momsy for not goin and wastin my school fees and their time and their effort and their monney and yadayadayada…*360 degrees non-stop roll* Kaye-kaye, then I copied the CMO notes from Abang Firdaus’ [aka baby Tweety-bird head] book. Then, watched TV and chatted and texted and eat-ed and tito alex came and I gave the Motorola cell away and chatted again and slept-ed.

Saturday.
Arch woke me up. Took a bath. Groomed. Ran late. Dad and Arch left me!!! Was about to leave when Arch from downstairs shouted my name “Joanne!” [but with relek voice uh!] I rushed out! I was only wearing AN earring! Was whining to Arch. He laffed! Told me to get it cuz dada was withdrawing money! *waadddaaa?!!* All his nagging about keeping him wait down the drain! Waited at the LRT station. He came and we took a fucking cab! [which was better] And he was all SWEET again. I was whining about him keeping ME wait! And he was showing affection. [his way of saying sorry] Ughh… lol. That’s me and dad!

Met mom then had lunch. Went around Bugis and Sim Lim. On the way home dad and I had another argument. All because of where they were gonna drop me off. Supposedly at Buena Vista but he was like “WHHHAAATT?! So far!” he didn’t even ask where Firdaus lived til we were in the cab. When he found out, he was like “so where? BV or BP?” and I was like “BP la! You like not happy with me going there what!” Then the argument lead to me waking up late and not goin school and missing lesson and having to copy notes from other people and yadayadayada. So basically, he was blaming me. So yeah. The argument went on til I decided to just shut up and let him do the talking while I was wandering off. :-P I was dropped off at BP but I went to JE anyway. Teehee. But I went back home straight laaa. Good gerl what! Dad was all SWEET again. *sigh* we’re both crazy, really.

AAAnywayyys,
I’m missing Ate Gen. Mel still OWES me that BAGEL treat; it’s been a year or more. I’m waiting for Thiru’s FIRST-PAY treat. I’m waiting for MOVIE treatS! I’m waiting for PRESENTS. I’m waiting for PEOPLE’S TREAT! But I guess I won’t get any of those stupid things I just typed out. All because nobody’s my friend enough to do all those. *sigh* I’ll just go relek one korner.

free

Haaaarrllloooo!!! Y’know what? I’m still a good person after all. I greeted someone Happy Birthday last night despite what happened between us. I guess I really just got hurt from everything. But I know deep inside that I’m okaye with it. This person’s really a good person after all. I mean, it’s not like he cheated on me. He just went back with the one that he loved before. Deeewdah, 2 years y’know. So yeah. I’m sure I would’ve done the same thing. First love…really…*sigh*

Ouh well, I envy them both. Lol. To be honest, I never had a first love before. Yup, never had. Out of all the ones I’ve been with…lol. Imagine. I never loved any of them to the core. I never fell head over heels with any of them. Hahaha! Fuck I’m a bitch. Okaye, maybe I just fell in love but not Super super in love. Nah, but I’m sure it’ll come. Just not for now. I’m really delighted I’m over it. Wow. And THANK YOU because You healed me this fast. A week? Lol. Dank. This is how strong prayers are. So people, PRAY!!!! Okaye?!!!

Hahaha, aaaanywaaaay, got a bad news from Esther. She told us about how our poor attendance can affect our studies. Like like, coming late and being absent for a number of days can lead to us getting debarred!!! *oh mommmmeeeee* And and we’ll have to attend afternoon classes and and. I dunno the rest already. But really, it scared the shit out of me. And the moment she mentioned late coming and absenting, they all looked at me! Particularly the guys, Hong Lei [my flirter], Firdaus [the Tweety Bird-baby face] and Sham. *sigh*..I just hope I’m not included la. Esther said she’s gonna let us know our attendance shit when class resumes after the 3week break. Maaayyyynnn!

Anyway, during break I sat with Firdaus and the gang. Didn’t notice I was sitting with all-guys til Yi Juan told me. “Ohhh, sit with Firdaus they all uh! Never sit with us anymore. Got Sham mah.” Lol, cuz I’m always sitting with YiJuan and the Chi guys. Today was with Malay guys. Lol. And for that, flirter called me Flirter! Waddda!!! You see! I always get mistaken for being a FaLeRt!! Just coz I’m with guys… *sigh* so my Sec Sch days, hangin out with Thiru, Shahir, Hairee is called flirting la?! Waleeeoooweeeeee!!! Kaye, Whuddever. I’m NOT a flirt! I never flirt. I don’t even know how to. Gee… or maybe you guys are just jealous that’s why ya call me that! Hah! That’s right! You aaaarrre! *bluuuueeeek*

I’m sad. No JTS lesson tamawrow. I love Jo dearly. She’s really cool. I love her from the very first day she introduced herself. And she even praised me last week. Heh! Okaye, Imma go continue copying notes now. I missed so much things already. Bye Friggs… love you.

the song

Hi! I just wanna share this song with you. It’s by Tim Hughes but the one I uploaded is Plus One’s version.

It all started when my friend, Cursetyn viewed my profile today. Saw her blog about this two Emo girls who commited suicide. Many “emo” kids are just taking it in a wrong direction. I did a search on “Emo Suicide” on Google and saw this Myspace profile with a boy my age, Joshua Anson Ballard who posted a suicide note on myspace two years ago. I checked it out. And there this tribute vid on him with this song. It made me reflect on things.

Looking at the world now, really just makes me feel sick to the soul. So many things are going on around the world and all we people here can do is this. It’s excruciating to hear such stories. The worst thing is, we have our own religion. But many of us are just falling out and forgetting our obligations. We do things we’re not supposed to do even if we know it’s wrong. All because we get influenced by the people we hang out with.

There are days I reflect on the things I and the people around me have done. It’s been weeks or maybe months since I’ve done a self-reflection. And today I just feel happier. I often listen to Gospel songs or Christian songs. T’just cleanses your soul and frees your mind from every single thing that’s been bothering you. Or better yet. It just lets you free from everything. So here’s the lyrics and the vid. Sing your soul out!

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

[Chorus]
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in Heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor
[Chorus]

[Bridge] x4
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

[Chorus] x3
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God

the test

A lot has happened during that 3 weeks. Things felt right yet so wrong. Though I knew the circumstances, I still went with the flow… gee.. 2 May 2007 is the day my life got involved in a messed up life. Lol. And dumb me. Tweeeee… but but but… like my friend says “time heals all wounds”. So yep. I’m healing already. Which is cool. [koo..koo..] I’m the type who likes to just go widda f-low. But I guess I wasn’t going widda flow no more. I was already ahead of it . Sigh.

I’m really glad to be back though. I’ve missed ME so much. As in! So it’s just ME again. Ouh!!! I found out that my bro got kinda sick with havin Filo Gfs that’s why I think he’s with a Chinese now. I dunno how true that is. But that’s what my aunt said..I think? But anyway, I guess I should agree to that, y’know. No doubt, Filos are fucking sweet. But I guess I just duwanna be with one. Lol. At least not now?! Or in the future. Uhhhhh…Whathefuckingever?!

And y’know. I had this crush on a friend before. And now it’s gone. Sigh. So no matter how I try to crush on him again…no more…haiyuh!!!! Ahakz. *weird*…I guess that just tells me...that really…time will let it pass.

Aaaanywayyysss, the test tadday. I don’t know mayyn. Will I pass? I didn’t finish it, the color’s not the same, there are things I left out, basically, everything just ain’t there. I mean it din look exactly like the End Product but at least I was close to it?! But geeeee… guess I still won’t pass la. Uncle Chua so the that one one. Waleoooweee!!! YiJuan and the rest finish so the fast fast. Then I so the last last. Lol. Not last la! But yeah. I was slow. I AM slow…never mind uh! Jealous zit?! Then shuddup! Okaye, here’s the thing.

PS. Thiru, well, not most of it refers to u. Only some. Anyway, PICTURES!

time heals all wounds

Rosssyyyy! I hope u enjoyed. Though many wasn’t there. Sad case. I’m sorry. But super thank you to those who made the effort to come. It means so much to me. And Ros of course.

Sorry for the long black face. Not because of THAT. Many factors! One is the people who didn’t turn up. Another’s THAT. Third’s the fucking work I’m supposed to do but can’t, cuz of my little cousins. Waaaaaaaddddaaaa?!!! And to think I’ve MME Phase Test on Tue already! I’m not familiar with Photoshop yet. Even if my dad’s a PRO. Sigh. I haven’t done CMO’s Module 7. Haven’t read the notes. Practically I haven’t done anything I’m supposed to have done a looong time ago.

All because I got caught up with things I shouldn’t have been so caught up with at all! So anyway, I’ve told everybody about it. Well, not everybody. Just those who know. Lol. I just don’t wanna look dumb and make them think I’m fine when I’m not. KUYA knows about it. Brendz too. And of course, friends. Lol. Somehow I miss my old self. I should have been the OLD Joanne. I’m just so wrong. Oh well, gotta learn from mistakes. “THAT’S LIFE”

Soooo anyways, Gid and I were supposed to go for eyebrow threading. But there were many people and Gid was pretty scared about it cuz she said it’s pain. Lol. Paaaiiin…paaaiiin…Heck uh! Bleed bleed uh! Nice whaaat! So yeah, we looked for a salon that does eyebrow trimming. Lol.

Didn’t talk much to Thiru during the celebration. But when we went off, he shouted that he misses me. I’m pretty happy hearing it yet NOT. I just miss you, Thiru. But you’re just busy now. And you’re just not Thiru anymore. I really miss you dude.

Before, everything was so so fine until things started falling. DOMINO EFFECT. Deeeewwwwwddah. I think right now I can’t chill. I’m piled up with shits to do. All because of YOU lah…nahbehh…lol. I think I can only chill when term break comes. I hafta unwind. Imma do that. I will. Uhhuh. So I’ll see ya? Okaye! Set! And I won’t let anyone ruin it. This time, I’ll make sure you’ll get a taste of delicious me. I’ll let you have a piece of me. I will. Just push your luck okaye? You only have seen me, just not the me-me. Getz? Lol. I’m crazy yawwww…Waddidewww….

COLD snow

Snow City. Fine. I got totally chilled. Though I wasn’t chilling. Cuz my mind just wasn’t in there. But anyways, I still enjoyed it cuz kuya was there. I’m happy that way. And he gave me a kiss, after how long! Geez.. Yes, I’m happy cuz I really missed him.

Anyway, I just proved myself right after all. “PANAKIT BUTAS” is the word. It’s really dumb. Haha. Cuz you had to DRAG me into ur life. But I’m glad na hinde ako TANGA enough to bigay my feelings sayo. I did. Pero HINDE lahat. Which is good. At least hinde pa naman ako ganon Katanga. Lol. And that week really made you made up your mind. Ang katangahan ko lang is…pina kilala kita sa mga kaibigan ko. Lol. I guess tanga pa rin ako. :P Whatever. So yeap. Since alam ko na, at bukas Imma celeb my friend’s Bday I decided na you should't be there. So if you’re gonna be there to sira ung mood ko, dew, just stay away muna. Cuz dew, it’s a CELEBRATION…so scram… :)

the Betch's back

Vesak Day. Went to sentosa with cousins and unc and aunt. ‘Twas fine. A lil boring? Or should I say I didn’t really enjoy it? Lol. I guess because I’ve been there few times and going to the same place just bore me out. Nah, it was fine. I enjoyed the time with the kids. Seeing their faces light up makes me happy. It’s really fun to take tourists out. Their faces, lol. Like to us it’s nothing but to them it’s like “whoa” lol. Whatever. I went back to the Phil and I was like “whoa” [with that action] too. There are so many cool places. Okaye, whateverrrr….

I’m just trying to get myself out of that situation I’m in. Kinda like avoiding..chhhyyeeaaahhh. I still think about it…but…y’know! It’s pretty dumb if you’re gonna always think about it right?! I’ll look crap if I do that. Besides, I’m known as the fuckin “feelingLESS creature” so I should really stand by that slogan! I shouldn’t let myself look like shit cuz of one small thang! Get up BETCH! What it dew? Aye. I’m back yooo. Imma be the girl I always was. Fuck! I’m back, and I’m lovin it. Chhhyyyeaaahh…. And

I’m gonna get back attcha… WORD!