then He answered...

It’s magnificent how He works…
[As I’m typin’ this, I’d like you to know that I realized this only over dinner till now when I was reflecting through everything that’s been happ’nin’…]

Lately, I’ve been doin’ somethin’ I shouldn’t be doin’…questionin’ the Almighty.
Yet, who could blame me? With everythin’ that I’m goin’ through…
Maybe I could still take it if I’m the only one sufferin’…but with my family involved? I think that would be harsh…idk about y'all…but my number one weakness is indubitably my parents.

Why were we clouted with a long-term setback?
Yes, we have been livin’ through the same hitch for a long time but never has it gotten this hostile.
[There could probably even be a shoddier situation after we prevail this…sigh…it just gets tougher and tougher huh? Kinda like a game? Level of difficulty?]
Is this a game?
Could this be karma?
But why us? When there are wicked people who deserve this adversity more than we do?

&with those grills, I’ve been answered unimaginably in weird ways I never envisioned…
When I was younger, I used to watch ‘Touched by an Angel’…
&that’s pretty much how I received my answers…but in a complex way that made me reflect…
[and right now, as I’m typin’ this current sentence…]
I'd like to announce that I am now embracing this whole thing &i am now accepting whatever’s happ’nin’…
I have so-wronged You, O’ Lord and I remember now...

‘Your Will be Done’

Sir Escolano articulated…
God don’t need us...He never did.
Then why made us?
For entertainment? So he could be happy?
Was He happy seein’ His own Son agonize?
He made us so He could share his Love…
When God created this world, it was PERFECT.
But it was s**** that ruined it and created devastation.
lucifer has always envied God…
Sir Es then related that if a person with no arms and legs [like Nick Vujicic(voichich)] can struggle so hard to get back up...why do people like us with complete body parts give up so fast?

God never wanted to test us cuz He only wanna share His Love to us. It was s**** who has been behind our temptations…he has always been the one testing us. Never God.
My next [&YOURS too] question is…IF God was powerful, why couldn’t/can’t he control s**** and end the evilness?
Cuz s****’s always been defiant…if he had triumphed in defying God, what makes you think God can control him?
It’s now WITHIN ourselves to know whom we should obey…part of His creation was to have brains to think...hence we are judicious human beings.

i think......S**** wanted himself to be 'perfect'...so with that, he impaired and added IM to PERFECT…ergo creating imperfection in what used to be perfect...ouhwell...

Thank YOU for the revival...


&to close this in buoyancy, I'd like to greet US a belated HAPPY 17TH MONTHSARY...[26/02/09]

and HAPPY 2-0-th BIRTHDAY to MYKELOBY ;P

lovelovelove.

freakin' life

I turned in at 2145h and I was awaken from my slumber at around 2330 and since then I was unable to go back to sleep despite my enervation to get up and do something.

Because of my debility, I was forcing myself to sleep again; tossing and turning for an hour and a half but ‘twas inept. And all the while I was awake; thoughts about my problems just hit. From the confusion of why he suddenly got ticked off early this evening to how my life changed drastically to my family’s status quo and how I just wanna surrender and commit suttee…

Flashbacks of how I used to be such a couch potato; updated with all the new shows that I can’t be now, since I got here, just brought me down. Everything has crumbled…if I thought year 2007 was the worst year of my fam’s life then came 2008 and we thought it was worse, 2009 and 2010 is probably the vilest. Sigh. Ne’er has it ever crossed my mind that things will get worse than ever…but I know that when we outlive this current situation, the worse is yet to come…

Since my uncle’s stroke in Mar ’09, he hasn’t gotten a job though he has drilled himself to recuperate. My aunt then has to minimize expenses; no cable TV and lesser groceries hence I don’t get to watch good TV [brain feeder] anymore, I don’t get to eat as much as I used to in my own time [midnight snacks, etc] and I don’t get to do my own things at my own time. It’s all been eliminated and the latter controlled. All I see and hear everywhere is Philippine soap operas; I wake up in the wee hours of the night, pretty hungry, yet no food to eat; and hear their indirect discourses of me wakin’ up late, etc…
If I could only live with my brother or by myself, better, I would.

As for my own family, my dad has been in and out of work but ne’er has he been on the dole for more than a month, specifically 3months! Till now mom’s the only breadwinner [and I salute her strength despite her health]. Mom called hours ago and I told her that if I could only stop studies and work to help them out, I would. And my Mom was quick to respond if I wanted to come back ‘ome…[since I got here, I knew my mom wouldn’t mind me goin’ back ‘ome…] If not for prioritizing education, I know Mom and Dad would want us to go back home already. In a way, I lit up hearin’ mom say “..so you wanna come back here?...” as if she really doesn’t mind me leavin’ my studies just to go back there and be with them. But hey hey!!! reality check!!! we all know it’s impossible. That was the utter downer of it.

Right now, our problem is if we can even go to school tomorrow… or if my mom has the fare to go to work later…or if we’re all still gonna eat later…that’s how FUCKED UP my life is right now! I just feel like my head’s gonna fucking explode with all this fucked up shits that’s been happenin'. I’m sorry if I can’t be in serenity…from months to almost a year I have been suppressing this fuck shit and yesterday it started penetrating to my system that here I am full of problems and adding to that is my fucking sickness. If we’re already having the trouble to find money for us to eat or go to school, I’m hell sure that medication’s undeniably out of the list.

In addition to the problem, he got pissed at me for nothing hours ago and he can’t even promise his visiting me here. Damn, I’ve even lost my hope for him to meet my parents, man. Things are all just getting so torrid I really wanna end my life.

In my thoughts, I blogged before wanting to take my own life. Then I wanted to jump down [but don’t know where since there’s only houses here til I thought of jumping down] from my uncle’s van but LOL, I’ll only end up hurt and still alive not dead. Then I thought of going out and get myself hit by a truck. Then I also thought of stabbing myself in the heart and people would only read my last post here after finding out my passwords to my accounts by hiring a hacker, LOL. But after that thought, I saw a dark place with some redness in it and I opened my eyes and it freaked me out. Killing myself would only further impair our situation [wake&funeral, etc] plus I don’t wanna end up as a ghost lingering about, knowing that something’s missing it’s why I can’t go up to heaven…sheesh. It’s crazy.

But really, I won’t hesitate to top myself if it’s not a sin to. Ouh hey, ain’t it already a sin to even have thoughts about those? Ouhwell. I really am down in the dumps right now…I’m not even hoping for the better…I’m just waiting for everything to get worse and I’ll eventually perish…Yes, I am waiting for my time to end…everything’s just FUCKED UP SICK. &right now, just shut the fuck up cuz nothing anyone can say will perk me up.

Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation

I have been inundated by questions and statements that Long Distance Relationships most of the time DO NOT work.

On Monday, 15th Feb, we celebrated Valentine’s Day at school.
‘twas just talks and coupla games they organized.
The talks of various topics about Love just totally contradicted my belief and my current situation.
Did it piss me off? Iunno…but it probably made me smirk more with every disparity.

Maybe they just do not know or they haven’t heard other people’s stories it’s why it’s easy for them to say such. I so much wanted to object to the statements they’ve been spittin’ out but I’d rather listen cuz I duwanna create a stir, where the whole College Department would all give me the stare. Lol.
Plus learning from experience where my relationships are very public even here in my blog, it’s time I change my ways and keep it classified.

Furthermore, yesterday, 19th Feb, during my Nat Sci or Physics subject, my course Adviser cum Trigo and Nat Sci Prof, Sir Escolano pointed out that Newton’s Universal Law of Gravitation being

F – force of attraction
G – gravitational constant ( G= 6.67 x 10-11 )
m – masses of two objects
r – distance between their centre of masses

have an effect not only with us going bald, skin sagging as time passes but also in relationships. He commenced the topic that LDRs most of the time don’t work out.
He then said that no matter the value for masses, the SHORTER the DISTANCE between two objects, the GREATER the FORCE OF ATTRACTION.
(He proved that with his own relationship with his wife, that even as time passed, and they got physically bigger [heavier mass], they’re still very attracted to each other)
While the FURTHER THE DISTANCE, the LESSER the FORCE OF ATTRACTION. and from there he concluded that AGAIN “LDRs most of the time don’t work out”.

I was very much in a huff and hurt cuz I know he’s so effed-up freakin’ damn-right wrong.
I KNEW from the very start about this possibility that distance causes the fire to go out in a relationship but after my wounding relationship, heck I PRAYED and challenged myself to change. I PRAYED that the next [which is the current] relationship I would have will be my last til the end[marriage]. I may not have succeeded YET [marriage] but I can certainly, absolutely, positively, unquestionably, without doubt, say that I have improved and have grown more matured!

HOW?
I have NEVER in my life endured things. I was always the quitter on any thing i couldn’t put up with, no matter how small the problem or even if I knew it can be resolved. And I NEVER trusted any guys because I believed that they’re all DICKS.
BUT damn man! Here I freakin’ am, doin’ all the sacrifices I never thought I could do; not only for myself and family but for a relationship I’m very much doin’ so hard to stay hopeful for!
My longest yet crappy flippantly relationship was 5months and for a sincere one, 3weeks . But NOW we’re gonna be 1year&5months. My longest ever.
So how is it that the closer the distance is, the stronger the relationship is and the further , the weaker? So MAYBE Science really cannot answer everything? Because Science most of the time don’t involve values and beliefs.

From the talk, I learned that the 3 essences to LOVE is:
a) Respect
b) Patience
c) Trust

It takes two hands to clap.
Respect for each other is requisite. If one doesn’t agree with the other, RESPECT their decision and don’t force 'em.
If you truly love your partner, you will WAIT and you will not just leave it to fate.
If you, in all honesty, love your partner, you will TRUST and not doubt.

He once asked if it’s possible we separate first since we’re far away and if we’re really destined for each other and meet again, we can rekindle what we once had.
I simply opposed...for I knew that if that’s what he believes, then it really wasn’t LOVE after all. That just because you’re away from each other doesn’t mean it’s not gonna freakin’ work out right? If he really loves me he’ll wait for me.
Guys tend to not be a man of his word. He’ll flood your heart with blandishment like “forever” and “no matter what” yet when the challenge comes to separate you both, he eats his words... =,=
Well, here I am doin’ my best to prove to people that distance has nothing to do with the destruction of the relationship.
distance is not a boundary to love unless it's one's choice...
Yes, he admitted to me that his love has declined because he hasn’t seen me in a long time but I kept telling him to just tell me if he cannot bear anymore to end it rather than cheat on me. I’d rather he end it knowing that he has been sincere all the while than staying in a relationship for the sake of “RESERVING me for the FUTURE” yet covertly flirts or do things I can never imagine with another.

Worth fighting for? Maybe?
I HAVE once fought for and did my best to keep that person but he was a weakling and fell for another. I don’t know if I’ll ever do that again. I honestly don’t know. All I know is, when I entered this relationship, I know I got myself someone who will not do something I know others will. If he uses my trust and just make me believe that he will not do those, then I vow to never again fall in love, for this relationship will be my last and I’ll just tell him what I have never believed in [luck]: “good LUCK to karma”.

Infatuation’s just short-lived, why waste time on it?







I’d like to be optimistic ergo I’m holding on to the essences of love.

V'DAY '10

Hello guys.
Been awhile…
Hmm, so how’d you guys celebrate your Valentine’s Day?
Any Fun?

I remembered my first real-serious Valentine’s Day…
‘real-serious’ because in the past few years it so happened that I was always single during this period, thus it was all just dates…
So my first and real-serious Valentine’s Day was in 2009 with my current beau.
It was really both a memorable and unforgettable Valentine’s.

I wasn’t quite prepared yet for the day because of work and school hence I had not much time.
I decided to just do some last minute thingies on the day itself.
As we weren’t legal with my parents yet at that time, I had to fib that we had an event at school [yea, like so “yeah-right” I know…]
I was so very late for that group date [3 couples] to the point where we had to freakin’ create a scene at Marina Square and I almost wanted to give up [again as I always do]the relationship because of his niggles.
But I kept my composure so tight; overruling my rage at that time, so as to resolve and just enjoy the day. Otherwise, we both would have walked out on each other on that special day bitterly over something small.

Well, if there’s a lesson to learn from that, it’d be the patience and sense of urgency both on our sides, tranquility to work things out, reflection on the foundation of the relationship you have built [whether or not you just wanna waste your investment], and most importantly putting God in and in between your relationship. Omitting rage and ego as well.

This year, we celebrated Valentine’s Day away from each other aaaand most probably for the next 3 to 4 years...
Not used to it but a phone call’s better than nothing.
And I appreciate it baby ; )


spread the love.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY