get through.

booo!!!
wehhhh.
swillin' coffee dad made. mmm, the aroma is just heavenly to my nose.
my flu by the way, is an on-and-off thing. lol. so i'm fine. unlike when i woke up yesterday, blocked by the dried...okaye never mind.

damn. mom washed all my Chuck Taylors yesterday :(
awww, i love it grubby, y'know!!!
ouh well, never mind again. i love mommy.

emmm, does anyone know how to eat a rambutan without havin' to eat the 'wood' thingy? it's why i NEVER liked eating rambutans. i can't even chew and just 'extract' the juice out 'coz the 'wood' thingy's so annoyingly getting in the way! ugh! call me a noob, but y'know, whatever. okaye, whatever.


i miss my kel, he's idiotingly sleeping. gagu. tahha. berghen's probably gonna tease me again when if they see this. =_=" wehhhh. shu'up okaye.

i'm havin' trouble seeing properly with my specs luh! the lenses have a lotta scratches. wakakakaka! so much for using specs. but if i don't use, i'll be squinting. ugh! okaye, i'll buy new one, wait two months uh.

i'm just excited to work. yayyyyyy. i've got my personal disbursement all lined up. weeeee. but i've to wait for a few months for larger splurges uh. lol. but still. YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!

what would you choose.

emmm, how true?

Situation:
You are in a deep deep forest... as you walk on you saw an old hut standing there...
(1) What is the status of the door? (Opened/closed)

(2) You enter the hut and see a table...
What is the shape of the table? (Round/Oval/Square/Rectangle/Triangle)

(3) On top of the table there is a vase... in the vase there is water.
How much water is it filled up with? (Full/Half/Empty)

(4) And what is the vase made of? (Glass/porcelain/clay/metal/plastic/wood)

(5) You walk out of the hut...as you carry on your walk in the forest...you see a waterfall from far...there is water running down...
What is the speed of the water? (Choose a number ranging from 0 to 10)

(6) Some time after the waterfall... you step on something hard on the ground... as you look down... you see glistening gold in colour. You bend down and pick it up... it is a keychain chained with keys...
How many key/keys you see hanging on the keychain? (Choose a number ranging from 1 to 10)

(7) You walk on and on... trying to find your way out...suddenly you see a castle.
What is the condition of the castle?!! (Old/new)

(8) You enter the castle and saw a pool of murky water with shining jewels floating on it...
Will you pick up the jewel?!! (YES/NO)

(9) Next to the murky pool... there's another pool...with clear water and money floating on it...
Will you pick the money?!! (YES/NO)

(10) Walking to the end of the castle there is an exit...you proceed to walk out of the castle. Outside the exit, there is big garden, you see a box on the ground.
What is the size of the box? (small/medium/big)

(11) What is the material of the box? (cardboard/paper/wooden/metal)

(12) There is a bridge in the garden some distance away from the box,
What is the bridge made of? (metal/wooden/rattan)

(13) Across the bridge, there is a horse.
What is the colour of the horse? (white/grey/brown/black)

(14) What is the horse doing? (still and quiet/nibbling grass/running about)

(15) OH NO!!! There is a tornado coming... some distance from the horse.
You have 3 options:
(i) run and hide in the box?
(ii) run and hide under the bridge?
(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?
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Here are the interpretations:

(1) The door:
opened door - you are a person who is willing to share [speaking freely, yes. food, no ;P]
closed door - you are a person who is keeping things to yourself

(2) The table:
Round/oval - any friends that come along, you will accept and trust them completely [accept, yes. trust, not really]
Square/rectangle - you are a bit more choosy on friends and only hang out with those whom you think are on the same frequency
Triangle - you are really very very picky about friends and there are not many friends in your life..

(3) Water in vase:
Empty - your life is not fulfilled
Half filled - what you want in your life is half fullfilled
Full - your life is completely fulfilled and good for you! :) [familywise, yes. individually, no]

(4) Material of vase:
glass/clay/porcelain - you are weak in your life and tends to be fragile [so true, so please handle me with care ;p]
metal/plastic/wood - you are strong in your life

(5) Flow of waterfall:
0 - no sex drive at all
1 to 4 - low sex drive
5 - average sex drive
6 to 9 - high sex drive [wooohoooo!!! hahahahaha. uhh, no comment]
10 - gone case!!! super high sex drive!!! Can't live without sex...

(6) Keys:
1 - you have one good friend in your life
2 to 5 - you have a few good friends in your life
6 to 10 - you have a lot good friends [i realized i do have a lotta good friends, but close friends, i'd say a few]

(7) Castle:
Old - shows that your last relationship is not a good one and is not memorable to you.
New - your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart. [fresh, kinda. good, idk]

(8) The jewel from the murky pool water:
YES - when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.
NO - when your partner is around, you will stick around with him/her most of the time. [hahaha, i so don't know, really. but maybe yeah]

(9) The money from the clear water pool:
YES - when your partner is not around you, you will still flirt around with others.
NO - even when your partner is not around, you will still think of him/her and will be loyal to him/her, not flirting around with others. [i'm loyal, but is chatting up chatting with other guys really considered flirting?]

(10) The size of the box:
small - low ego
medium - average ego [we all do, but at least i'm just not very]
big - high ego

(11) Material of the box (outlook of the box):
cardboard/paper/wooden(non-shining) - humble personality [ouh thank you]
metal - proud and stuck up personality

(12) The material of the bridge:
metal bridge - have very strong bond with your friends
wooden bridge - average bond with your friends [really? well, yeah, i guess. but close friends would have stronger bond]
rattan bridge - you are not in good terms with your friends

(13) Colour of the horse:
white - your partner is pure and good in your heart. [oohweeee, could this be you?]
grey/brown - your partner is only average in your heart.
black - your partner doesn¡¯t seem to be good in your heart and appears to be bad sign.

(14) Horse action:
still and quiet/nibbling grass - your partner is a very homely and humble person. [could this be you again? i loooooike]
running about - your partner is a wild type person.

(15) This the last but most important part of the test.
From how I ended the story... a tornado approaches...
What are you going do? There are only 3 options:
(i) run and hide in the box?
(ii) run and hide under the bridge?
(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?

What will you choose?
Now, the above is signified by these things:
tornado - problems in your life
box - you
bridge - your friends
horse - your partner
(i) So if you choose the box, you keep your problems to yourself whenever you are met with problems.
(ii) or if you choose the bridge, you will go to your friends whenever you are met problems..
(iii) or lastly if you choose the horse, you seek your partner whenever you are met with problems. [hmmm, i think it's my blog(partner) you're talkin' bout? otherwise, i'd run to my close friends first]

So if you think this is worth to take some time to send it to your friends, then you are a friend indeed.Or you think it is kind of true, you can also send it to your friends cause you are true too.

hmmm. i think this's what you all call psychological stuff? i don't really believe in these kinda things, 'coz i'm more of a realistic person. well correct me if i'm wrong, okaye? i know zilch about these kinda topics.
but anyways, the thing is, people could've made alterations to these kinda things on email so accuracy may not be accurate anymore after all. otherwise, it just isn't accurate at all. my results [in red] as obvious as it is, are somewhat there. you judge, try it.

'teber

the smell is a torture to my nose!
ugh!!!
they're all burning incense paper at the same time. so, like totally surrounded by the smoke lar. it already got through here but dad still didn't close the door and windows...tsk.
and i'm gonna get flu soon. ugh!
we're supposed to go to RSAF Open House. but something came up. tsk. i wanna fly, you know.
the weather is so sad lar.
so sian.
let's all go cycle after exams can? ecp?


gusto ko ng pisbols at kwek-kwek at taho!
sana magdala si mommy pagbalik dito.


i sooooooooo wanna go shopping.


i've just downloaded IE8 beta2


i miss ate ghen and my kel and elbert and elroy.

pink shades

muddafocken' project is a total torment!
just like the last project i did, only two people workin' [out of four], gahh!!!
to make things worse, i nono much about how the project will be done, although i know what is to be done; in other words, i don't know the coding shit! i only know and've done our storyboard. suckeyyyy.
sigh. i'm sooooo "lovin" me life right now...liiiike =_="

i'm crying out loud...
to anyone out there with a sympathetic heart...
kindly send me the coding for SPORTSMAN SYSTEM [asp.net, database]
as if anyone will lah...*rolls eyes*

anyway, i accompanied kiki to claim his prize at sentosa...i couldn't say no since i haven't been out with him for so long, and besides, i needed to free my mind from the recent crapshitae stressful weeks! weather was gloomy, so...i hated it...but at least we still enjoyed the sunset...although...freakin' ship covered our view of the last few moments of the sun setting! ewww? so we just turned our attention to the clouds [formin' shapes, duh]. lol. after his prize-claiming, we roamed around sentosa as much as we could; even gatecrashing rasa sentosa resort...and arghhh, beaches were tempting me to strip, tahha.
ouh well, who wouldn't be.

well then i guess it's back to the normal dull-project/tests/exams-mugging life again.


thank you for today, kiki. ily.



emmm, thiru, glenn, lee, el, leilei, emman, soon...i hope, really.



PS. ouh, and HI to someone who viewed me from Chile [Universidad De Chile]...hmm, who shia??? ouh well, Hi anyway

rapid therapy

thank you guys so the very the much for the concern, really.
i'm back to being normal abnormal; friends trying to avoid me 'coz i've receded to insanity...ishishish......

my day started out well. i don't know. i guess know, He took my anxiety away. plus mommy woke me up. and the gals made me laugh. and from there, it just got better all the way. i just missed everybody; like i haven't seen them in years, lol. i felt like hugging them. but some are inappropriate to hug, lah. you know, i know. you know? or maybe they might not wanna be hugged by me. weehhhhh. whatever. thanks a lot, lah. as in a lot, a lot. lol.
so fast hor? but ouh well, prayers are really strong.
and i'm really better now, but i hope no relapse lar, lol. but as of now i've relapsed to folly.
people would think i'm really crazy 'coz i was like as if nothing happened, sigh.
even mr gremar was surprised...geeez.
ouh well, time flies fast, so yeah, i'm better?

just hope i can still pull this off. and i reeeeaaally apologize for shutting you guys out, y'know me, stubborn as can be.



~yeyness, i met ate Ghen~


awww, i feel so loved. thank you. thank you. thank you.
i love you guys.

~~~~~
awww, kiki, you almost made me cry [<-click] ...again!

self aversion

a hopeless, useless, spoiled, dumb person...
always depending on people...
and they're probably fed up with her. [tell me about it; she's fed up with herself too]
her parents baby her so much, they think she's been obedient all along.
she's been givin' them the thumbs-up when asked about her studies, they don't know how bad she's already doin' at school.
she has become a responsibility to her friends; havin' to get up early just to give her a wake-up call, and then sleeping back or sometimes they don't already.
what a burden to them, huh.
people think she takes things lightly all the freakin' time, with that smile,
with her actions; the "why so serious?"/"i don't care"-facade.
and with that stupid face she portrays, the teachers probably think she doesn't care, and deserves to be punished for her actions...
but at the end of the happy day she had with people, she'd hate herself because she knows she needs help somehow...she just don't know - of what kind.

can she ever prove to people she can be independent and have self-discipline?
she's been trying...
still is...

~
i was supressing my tears on the way to school. i restrained it for as long as i could but for the fifth time it just had to fall - in the bus. it may seem to be a small problem to other people, another pettiness...but it isn't - for me.

i got up this mornin' at eight; the time my class starts...looked at my phone and saw the missed-call and message javier sent me - just minutes before i got up. and for the umpteenth time, i got mad...not at javier but at myself. and the question just kept bombarding my mind: if people hadn't called me at all, will i wake up? just because he called at this time, will i then only get up?

it's my fault for not goin' to school everyday, for delaying my assignments, and for getting unwanted results in the end...and then i grumble, and as if it's other people's fault, they take pity on me and help me out. sigh.
i sincerely apologize if i had vented my anger on any of you [i hope i did not].
but if not replying to any of your messages or not attending to your calls, i just need to be alone. and i guess i'm embarrassed for all the concern you guys have for me too.

seeing my parents notice my sudden change of mood, i just felt like breaking down and tell them i haven't been a good daughter and student...and i don't know if i can fulfil their hopes of goin' to poly...'cos they think i can...but when i look at myself right now...i don't know.
they come home from work everyday and they have to do the housework while i sit my ass down here doin' unnecessary things...
when i have sudden craves, they would go down and get what i want...[i don't have to go on; you probably already know how lovely parents they are to me]...and i really don't know what i'd do without them.

i just wanna let you know i'm weak. it hurts a lot...like it's gonna explode...but whatever...i'm doin the best i can to strengthen myself and fight whatever it is i'm feeling. i don't know what this is, and i probably don't want to. as you already know the kind of person i am, yeah, i'll just take things as they come - naturally.


i haven't shown my gratitude to anybody. i'm sorry - i'm not expressive. but just know that i am sorry and thankful...i really am.

as of now, i'd like to thank the people that has sacrificed/has been sacrificing their time in the morning for me: elroy, syahid, nurdin, javier, izzdin, kiki, thiru, honglei.
and for the rest of the people that has helped me in so many things: pearlyn, tufha, elroy, javier, kiki, izzdin, honglei, nurdin, thiru, shahir, hairee, previous and current classmates and friends.

i just wanna let you know i'm thankful for every thing, even to the smallest bit of what you've done for me. i know you probably don't feel as special as the people i've mentioned, but just know that i appreciate you. your concern, friendship, love, every thing.

i just hate myself. but because you guys aren't givin' up on me, although i can sense you're tired and on the verge of givin' up on me...i'm just holding on...

light me up colorfully.

TGIF, me got my longer shleep!
*wooootz!*
tahha.

fireworks...mmm, a so-so. our view sucks. shtoopid.
i loved the 'heart' one.
i felt lonely watchin' it even if friends were there.
eeeeesssshhhhh.
i suddenly feel like goin' back fo' Xmas and newyear. geez.
can they hold the next pyrolympics here instead of home all the time!
i'll go down once more if i don't get lazy. tahha.
tomorrow's the korean team. today was the french's.


wonder how it all looks like from a flying plane. the sky was kinda clear. teeeeheeee.
someone tell a dumb girl...quick. i'd prefer an answer from someone who's experienced it rather than a logical answer! i can never get satisfaction without experiences. [emmm, not referring to dirty stuff uh!]
if only superman was real! i'd've asked him!

mmm, i don't know...but why do i feel tension among us? is it just me or...what is up? *weirdness* we're always on silent mode, taahhhhaaaaa. but still...kinda creeps me out. talk leiiiiii. lol. lolli lolli lolli lolli let me see you pop that body...
okaye, shooooosh.

~
i miss thiru.

uber savageness part II

here i am.
you already know what for.
*whatever*

MORE work. =_="

SEVEN THREE long-overdue assignments; 5 1 from ESJ, 2 from WAD [by next week]
TWO projects; JCS [by 25/08] and WAD [by 03/09]
ONE FOUR tests; WAD [21/08] ESJ [26/08], 3 on SAD[26/08, 28/08 and 02/09]
TWO exams; SAD [09/09] and WAD [11/09]

sigh.
how will a procrastinator do her assignments and meet up for projects and revise for tests and exams when the dates are all so close to each other?

~
yesterday, i wrote i got debarred. thought 'twas for two modules only. now three. nahbei.
was outside the class chattin' awhile with el when nicholas called me in to ask to fill up the appeal form last-minute-ly...i was like, "wattahell...esther didn't read out my name yesterday...then now..."
then he asked me to fill up, i took the form, he answered a call then said wait [photocopy], came back, didn't give...
urr...no appeal form...how? *rolls eyes* dumbass.

then soong... need not say lah... i doubt he even looked through the leave-forms and MCs before declaring. always wanna get the job done fast. =_="

then project ar...soong uh?...haiyuh...*shakes head*...tsktsktsk...
at first he told me about the project, then he said to choose a group to join, then later...said my groupmates' names.
"i thought you asked me to choose which group..."
so he said okaye, choose...again, i've chosen... then,

takteng: "oh..ahh..neh mind ahh, maximum four ony, de res all full 'edy..."
me: "but Tufha's group has only 3!"
takteng: "oh..ahh..*clickclick*[mouse] den never mai uh, work widis group lahh hor. *clickclick* i wan you to lead...*clickclick*typetype*..."
me: "i don't even know what to do, the other two rarely go to school than me...and YaoKan; so hard to communicate with! how to do pojek lidat..."
takteng: "*clickclick* oh..ahh..it's okay lah...you kor dem, tell dem come schoorl. *clickclick*typetype* ahh-ahhh, i wan you lead la ahh...'cos [blahblahblah] "
me: "you ask me choose join which group! then i wan go dat group, now you force me join this group...walenn...later i fail..."
takteng: "ah-ahh, neh-mind la ahh... [excuses/stupid reasons]... "
me: "ahhhh. ahhhh... *nods* ok-ok [not listening already]...yaya okaye-okaye..."
~

in the end, i just looked on the positivity and took it as a challenge.
tufha and pearlyn wanted me in their group; vice versa. thank you mebitches. thanks mummy pearlyn for wanting to talk to takteng about it. but i've accepted already.
i mean, i'm not a good student to begin with, i, myself ditch school...so like, it's really a fine challenge.
sisi and dada rarely show up; i know the reasons. and we 3 like to disturb yaokan and his "human vs. human" talk and his twitchings; as if he's really an alien; adjusting or just being uncomfortable in that body. O.O"
soooo, can i just conclude that it's God's will for us all to be workin' together? tahhhaaaa. awww, i'm so dank.

well, i'm gonna do my best...
and for ya'll...hope not too many questions on what i'm doin, where am i, wanna meet or not, why not online, blahblahblah...
i'm gonna kick your arses! lol. i'm kiddin.

uber savageness

got too enthralled with other activities; which i'm glad is finally OVER,
been too busy ditching school; gettin' me tush up...that i've missed out on too many stuffs in class.
and now...
i'm piled up with a whole stack of work!!!

SEVEN long-overdue assignments; 5 from ESJ, 2 from WAD [by this or next week?]
TWO projects; JCS [by 25/08] and WAD [by 03/09]
ONE test; WAD [21/08]
TWO exams; SAD [09/09] and WAD [11/09]

all to be done within these three weeks. =_="
i don't even know how and where to start.

ouh BUMMER!!!!

and to worsen things, as usual, i'm in the DEBARment list.
ugh. nothin' new, really.
i've got more rants. but lemme lighten my workload first, eh?
yes, more rants comin' up these consecutive days.
will that help you save time from comin' here, eager to know what i'm gonna blog 'bout?
ouh well, i'm just gonna put it in a more detailed version; if you really wanna know.
otherwise, *whatever*

nyahahahahaha.
okaye. shutz!

i won't be that...

sigh. i dont know what to say.
good. not good.
not bad. bad.
't sucks, really.
the feeling.
's like...
toooooooooooooooooooooooooot.

ouh wells.
i don't know why i'm taking this chance even when i'm not ready.
i don't know what i'm feeling but i'm still graspin' it.
i'm doin my best.
i'm not bein' selfish.
i'm struggling.

guys...tsktsktsk.

so much for a democratic society.

hmmm. i've been keeping mum about this for YEARS but its time...i have to rant...

i HATE discrimination. i'm sure we ALL do.

i've stayed here almost my whole life; i grew up here for thirteen years and counting; more than in my own country of just seven. and to think, yes, there are people who treat us like any other locals despite our nationality YET there are still who don't. and yes, i get it, filos are MOSTLY "known" for working as domestic helpers and that the first thing that comes up to people's mind is that you're from a poor country...or "maid" when they hear you're a female filo. gosh. how SHALLOW. coming from a country that should have a sense of decency. okaye, its not about it being true, its about it being offensive. it just makes people look poorer themselves when they discriminate, really.

"criticism is the cheapeast form of boasting."

my family isn't indigent. we aren't loaded either. but ouh well, what difference does it make, right? people will still stand by what they triflingly know, you're from a poor country and that's that. but like i said, how one-dimensional people can get.

okaye, so, i mean, fine, my dad chose to stay here not because of MONEY. but because of our safety; [the milieu this place has] and of course our family; [to avoid getting involved in family feuds]. and we are so EVER thankful this is the place. and yes, singapore has offered us a somewhat better life than what we could have gotten back home but honestly, my parents have done and contributed so much more than what our family they have gotten in return. and one thing, they have NEVER complained to their employers; the shits they fucking get at work, they just accept it all and strengthen themselves even more; just for their kids'[our] sake. talk about being fussy.

they fell sick too many times to the point that they have to be sent to the hospital not just once; but them being too humble, give in to other people's favors instead of family. sigh.

~ mom hasn't had any REAL BREAK from work and the three of us know that she is IN NEED of one and that all she wants is to see Gramms. so she wanted to surprise Gramms; [whom she haven't seen for so long] for her birthday this year. so my brother and i surprised mom and booked her a ticket for a 9-day trip back home. we told mom to arrange her leave of absence and mind you, its more than 2months advance; october 24 and she already told them about it on early august because we know they don't like last-minute stuff. they gave a THUMBS UP. and then....
...guess what. this freakin auntie, a malaysian-indian, complained that my mom reserved those dates when it was for her[deepavali]. the guy[assistant manager] who gave the approval HIMSELF to mom, berated mom after this auntie protested...what the fuck. what a suck up la. ~

they grumble when my mom takes leave for Christmas, New Year and Good Friday...
when my mom nicely reasoned out that she never touches Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali and other important public holidays meant for locals [because she knows and respects them; especially their religion and culture], she expected thought she'd get the same treatment.but hell no. when it's mom's turn to say that these days are really important for our religion and culture, they trash all that and argue that shes not a local. what the fuck. what happened to democracy? and "regardless of race, language or religion?" im sure its not just for singaporeans... cos even the manager told her that there is democracy and advized her to talk to the AM. so you see, i don't get why some are labeling her as "not a local" when many [if not all] people know that this "democracy" applies to every one. =_="

don't get me wrong, im NOT sayin about all her colleagues; just a few, because my mom have friends in there. in fact, it surprises me that all her friends there are the young ones; meaning those aunties are the only ones objecting. my mom has SACRIFICED a lot of her time for other people's favors. she retracts her off-days and furloughs when some last-minute shits crop up leaving us three fucked up. she always does that. we dont already attend masses together as a family because she has to work on sunday. and when she takes an off-day on sunday, again they carp. we already accepted that, fine. she lets this auntie take the nice, best shift because she reasoned she lives in JB; so to travel for her back and forth on different shifts, is uncomfortable, fine.

but now you're being too much to force her to shift her fucking booking to another fucking date! now i don't fucking know WHY you're doing this...or are you just a plainly selfish bitch, always sucking up to people just so you can get it done your way. i don't know how you do it and i don't care. my mom has spare more-than-enough thoughts for your safety and comfort giving in to your favors. and this is what you repay her? ouh well, at least my mom's friends are defending her against that bitch because they know what's happening. and despite all the past stuff she said about mom, mom doesn't even hold any grudges against her at all yet she does this.

preposterous inconsiderate prick.

is it just because shes a filo? easy to bully? sigh. people. what if theres an emergency? will that bitch or anybody still gripe? sometimes i just get angry with my parents for being too nice to people. and here's something, we do know and are aware of some filos being finicky; but i can sincerely say my parents AREN'T. hell no. its not about the race, its about your own personality. i can seriously say, me and my brother are freaking far different from our parents in some ways.

i cant believe in this modern world, people are still conservative about where you come from. i don't know about you, but racism is something of the past. i guess these people just aren't exposed enough to different races in spite of this place being known for a racial harmony country...

i'm blogging this for many reasons. not just because of what's happening at mom's workplace. if you find this offensive, then read again. don't get me wrong, i love singapore, i have lived here almost my whole life, i have participated in many things too. and i treat this home. its just that some people are really big fucks. and one more recent thing, on wednesday, when i was rehearsing for next day's school national day event, mrs tong saw me and...

tong: another dance?
me: yeah, for national day
tong: ouh, is it your national day? are you sure its your national day too?[or something like that]
me: *raised eyebrow* yeah!

see what i mean? tsktsktsk. utter disappointment to the country i love to have such people. but ouh well. :) these are the kinda people we have to put up with everyday. and these are one of the kinda things that i draw strength from.