poof.

i don't know my brother anymore...again.
we've lost touch with him...
i've personally lost touch with him...maybe since the last time we went to church together...
when he said he'll be a 'changed' person this year...
and like the usual, it's only said and done in the beginning...
and eventually, will fall out of it.
sigh.
now i don't know if he's gonna 'change' again since they're gone.
and what kinda 'change'?
double sigh.

at work...been hectic for me since i started learnin' bar.
breakin' glasses, spillin' drinks, mixed up with what to put on what drinks, etc.
sigh.
no doubt, God knows how much i wanted this.
and now that i got it...i just hope they'll have patience with me.
i know i'm gonna get there soon.
i duwanna be a pessimist and say i am a slow-learner but can't help it... ;(
this is probably my third week? as a bariste but i'm still havin' difficulty gettin' the SOP ;(
nevertheless, imma get it...
really be patient with me guys...i beg ya... ;(

disappointment aside...
today was pretty fun.
considering i didn't do too much bar and there were only 2 people workin'!
'twas almost 12...and the guests seemed to be enjoying their stay when i reached.
then as i was goin' in to time in, i looked at the bar side...and...
*bam* the glasses and cups and saucers were like overcrowding the bar side.
michelle had to stay a lil longer just to finish up the drinks...while i took the orders of the new customers [that just kept comin' while the others go] and bust tables and send food/drinks and wash the glasses etc.
wooh!
we managed well, really. despite the non-stop 'crowd' and the coming of stocks. ;)
no blunders...abang aziz siooooo! i guess the music helped ;)
i guess it's pretty harder now that we got no washer. but still managable...
if only in few more weeks, i can perfect my SOP, it'd be a lil easier, and lesser challenge.
since now that i'm really jugglin' alotta things.
what fucks me up is that, some colleagues who're pretty pro at what they do gets annoyed easily when i make mistakes just because they're used to what they're doin' already.
sigh. i haven't been workin' as frequent as y'all man! and and and you may be faster at rememberin' stuff and i don't!
if only you knew me long enough would you understand my situation memory-wise.

i feel alotta things i duwanna feel but i duwanna let it conquer my body and i'm doin' my best to fight it off...toilet breaks help cuz it's when i can at least release some stress and bloody aches and just recharge and focus on work so that when i get out of that cubicle...i can stomach in and endure what i feel. but even that is taken away from me ;( sucks, really.

shah's a good manager and friend to be honest. i don't wanna fail him. i know i already have, with my mistakes and late-comings ;(
shah's like an elder brother who takes good care of his bros and siss...
i just hope that i'll get better everyday. ;)

pedicab

last night, i got to watch this wonderful story entitled 'pedicab'...

it was about this girl, Nellie who went home with a baby and you probably already know what happened next...
until after the mother's yacking, she held the baby in her arms...and...[i guess that's what most parents would feel...once they hold that small innocent living being, it just softens their hearts...and takes away their anger] so Nellie lived with her mom and siblings again...

her elder bro's neighbour-friend, Tobias [who was a farmer] was introduced to her and became friends.
the mom was pretty disturbed when she found out how close they were getting and told her he's probably going after her because he knows she's easy to get...especially now that she has a child [some kind of a proof]...

Tobias knew how the mom felt about him and nevertheless, he proved to Nellie his real love despite her having a child...
He loved Khaycee[Nel's daughter] like his own and soon they got married.
all he wanted from Nellie was to stay home and look after their 'clan'...
They had 5 children altogether...he did farming in the day, pedicab/rickshaw in the evening.
beautiful husband...so hardworking until he met an accident with the pedicab. the day he was sent to the hospital was the day Nellie had to give birth to their 6th upon seeing her hubby's condition...
she was then forced to give away the baby just so she could pay for Tob's therapy and meds.

she had to find a job to replace Tob. so she decided to do be a pedicab driver...[i never could imagine how tough it actually is until i watched her force her petite body pedal that thing with at least 2 people on...] she couldn't get any customers/passengers cuz of her physique...even kids didn't want her.

until she decided to go to KC's school and asked a random teacher if she could work there with any kind of job...Ms Sheryl kindly refused until Nel begged. She felt Nel and was uber kind to her and one time told her co-teachers to take a ride at Nel's pedicab. unexpectedly, they were heading off to where Tobias met with an accident...

when Nel reached that point, she stopped - she stopped and thought about how freaky the down-slope was that almost killed her husband. Ms Sheryl then saw her reaction and pretended to have muscle cramp from sitting too long and suggested to walk...

throughout the period he had to stop work, Tobias could NEVER accept the fact that Nellie is the one working for the family.
Since the day they got married, he treated Nellie like his princess, getting up early everyday and cooking breakfast for her, never wanting her to get too tired...and just wanted her to have a refreshing, awesome morning to start the day off with nice food done with love by her love...

he had this pride.
this principle in life.
he accepted her first kid and loved her unconditionally.
the fact that he could not stomach the sight of ready-to-drop-Nellie [coming home every night] working for them, encouraged him to recover fast enough to learn to walk and move his hands again.
she went through tough shit - entered a man's world where she was disparaged and scoffed at. she nonetheless strived to make her 'new life' thrive and for her family to remain rigid.
while he, felt useless at home, paralysed yet had the eager to just get up and switch places back with his wife.

i think that's pretty much a very heartfelt true story [by the way] that rarely happens in this 'modern' world. but i'd have to say that i do actually know a FEW men and male friends who has such dignity and principle in life despite having different financial statuses...
i am very honored and i salute these guys with utter respect and can only be happy for the women in their lives.

what really moved me is that this couple is from a poor family yet the 'pillar of the home' still treated his 'light of the home' as a princess... :) this just proves that it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor to be able to carry out the dream you have for your family. it just takes a matter of dignity and principle and hard-work...

Women's Month is ending soon. Shoutout to the Great Moms and Dads out there...keep the love alive y'all!

you go to work...tired and hungry
you get home...get nagged at...blamed...
do my work...i can't.
ask for favor...could've said no if couldn't be done.
i give time...also get fucked up.

fuck man.
i'm wrong at work, at home, to Him, to him...
woohoo...
how worse can it get?
O-U-H W-E-L-L.
who else? who fucking else?!

i'm managing my time...but it's never appreciated...have to have squabbles.
who's more tired?
i suck at work...i suck at home...where else can i expect a suck-free place? whom with?!
no matter how tired i am...i still MAKE A FUCK SHIT EFFORT to make things absolutely perfect for occasions...the only fucking problem is when things go wrong...the planned plan fails eventually. :(
i'm so tired.
no matter how fucked-up-busy i am with other things...i make time for other things. but...whatever man...useless fuck.

be nice.

yet another sigh.
i know i wanted this.
and i'm not giving up.

i have been feeling something before.
i'm just shutting my mouth up.
i'm not gonna say no shit...

really fucked up.
you go to work...
you make a 'whole load' of mistakes you don't mean to make...[i'm sure we all don't MEAN to make mistakes...duh...otherwise it won't be called a 'mistake']
you hear things that you don't wanna get involve in...
they make mistakes and asks for favors to keep quiet and you don't complain...
but YOU make mistakes and you hear so much from them...=.="
[so much for saying 'dunno, ask me...', 'anything, ask me...']
i certainly do not think it's THE 'positions' that juniors do not complain...and that seniors do...
i think it's the personalities of the people themselves...
i don't know, really.
correct me if i'm wrong, please.

i hate to talk about people...those i've worked with knows that.
they don't hear no shit from me. i don't do 'politics' [if that's the right word]
i do my work...i hear a lotta things...but that's it.
but there's a limit to my patience...
the bottle's overflowing and i gotta let some out.
i do observe...i know those who doesn't like working with me...just because i'm a bloody 'sotong' and that i forget things...that i eventually make mistakes and shit.

and HELL NO...i'm not making these as excuses cuz i HAVE BEEN battling with this shit since young...
that's probably what i lack...but nevertheless at the end of the day, i ALWAYS MAKE DAMN BLOODY SURE i get the job done.
those who have worked with me...knows that i'm slow but i make sure the job's perfectly done.

dammit.
make yourself look like you're so fucking pro...
talks behind their back...
sees them...and suddenly...
soooo friendly.
sheesh. bloody hell.
i loathe plastiks.
if you hate that person, say it straight lah...
if you got problem with that person tell it to their face!
ouh man...c'mon.

stop bitchin' cuz you ain't bitch enough to say it to people's face...
SIGH.
you yourself are impatient...and only likes to work with people who's familiar with things so you don't have to TEACH those who don't know much...zzz.

my friends all know i'm a cracked.
but they also know i do keep my guard up.
we're all nice and friendly...but when we get fucked up...we fuck them up right? well most of us do.
i'm not gonna let anyone step on me cuz i HAVE BEEN too nice before.
we all learn from mistakes. and i don't wanna make the same mistakes again.

i do things i am asked to do even if sometimes i feel some physical pain. i just don't complain cuz i don't wanna be seen as weak even if i can't take it anymore. but just because i make mistakes and i do what i'm asked to do and i don't yack and i button my lip when i get talked to in a pathetic manner does not freaking mean i'm under anyone. HELL i STILL respect people no matter how unkind they can get...

i honestly like my colleagues. and i respect each and every one of 'em. i guess even if i got backbitten...but just don't expect me to be as nice. sigh. ouh well.

retain your RESPECT...if you got that...*tahha*

hole.

" There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every
time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said,

'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same again. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
But It won't matter how many times you say ‘I'm sorry’, the wound will still be there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one….’ "

i guess we all need to be reminded everytime about this. i know we’ve all heard/read it before but we either forget or ignore. ouh well.

it was filled with love, but you started nailing my heart and then pulling them out, inadvertently discerning that you've left so many holes; the pain you've inflicted on me - causing anger. so not only does my heart contain love, it is now comprised with pain and anger as well.

tired

bariste

eyeyyy...
'sup...
hehe.

back to work after so long.
my first day as a BARISTE ;)
like...after so long lah...
i've earned the so-called 'promotion'! nyaha!!!
guess 'cuz i'm gonna turn 6th month old at TCC on the 15th?
hehe.

jowelyn trained me...aziz as well.
but yeah, when was tested by zix, i failed :(
i'm not a fast-learner as i told shah before.
but i'm doing my best.
just 'cuz i wasn't taught some other things that was asked, doesn't mean it's 'as good as not learning anything'.
that's pretty much effed up.
i did and am doin' my best.
God knows.
even if i was unable to recall most of the things...
still...
i learned today, fullstop.

ouh well.
not everyone is like someone you adore/admire[who has impressed you in a way somehow]...
i hope people learn that people have levels of speed-of-learning [whatever sheyt you call it]





all the best to all those havin' exams this week.
:)

well.

Good evening, guys.
how's everyone been?

school's finally out again.
I am finally out of ITE.

i just hope to get into Poly...
i just wanna get into Poly...
i need to get into Poly...

i’ve missed everyone...
i was so freakin’ busy i didn’t have time for y’all.
i’ve tried to ‘make time’ but just won’t allow me...
ouh well.
now that school’s out, i’ll be busy with work... :(
not that i duwanna work…it just means i’ll still be busy right?
but i’m sure i have more time now to give y’all. hehe.

time...
sigh.
i hope everything goes well.
this has just got to be a minor thing, please.
i’ve got so many unfinished business to do.
please let me do them first...
i beg of You.
Thank You.