hero

this morning, a man and a child about 4-5y/o, squeezed into the crowded train, and were by the door. the next station, only some alighted and more crammed...poor dad and lil girl had to bear with the situation...the lil girl worse, her face faced peoples asses...gee.
lil gal clinched on to daddys hips; the highest her hands could reach, while dad embraced his lil girl as close to him as possible; giving her all the protection he could give from the "monsters" around her, while holding on to the door that was the only thing he could hold on to.

it brought me back to those days when i was her age...even up til now, that bond dadda and i had, stays the same. whenever we go out, hed make sure im safe; hed always shift to the "danger side" of the paths when we walk or cross, and while holding my hands tightly. hed always keep me away from scary-looking people...
then to the even younger days when i was just a toddler and hed already teach me wrestling, boxing with my brother, tickling me with his 2-day-old-shaved sharp beard i like to feel with the back of my hands, and our thumb-wrestle game.
and proud to say that we still do that at times.

i admired that dad i saw this morning. its like, no matter how guys can be very sucky in their younger days, once they become a dad, everything changes. awwwww...
shweetz...
kaye, cya

another loss?

i miss em...hope to see us all in dec '09.

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ive been feeling aloof with a dear friend; its been awhile [i have been observing] but im keeping mum about it. but its okaye. im not gonna force myself to get back that closeness we once had...ill just look like a freakin fool. but just to let yall know that ill always be here for yall whenever any of you need me. ill probably just be your fucking last resort...
but like i said befo, i dont like to invest too much in anybody coz i know ill be treated unfairly some day; especially negligence...
weeehhh, i sound so serious even if nothing that serious has happened. lol. well yeah. its just FYI. and yeah its what im feeling. so shuup...

aaaanyway, im feeling stoked at the same time. aaaand, ill just shuup for now, wehhh... wait til you see me. lol...


-----
daaayyyem! i just cleared my bowel and im havin that "sensational" feeling again... -_-" wahhhsehhh...okaye..chiao....

wantif

ouh gee im feeling wee bit better again, then later, fucked up again. wtf!

awww, i miss someone and the thought of bumping into each other keeps replaying in my mind. gee. why like that! i hate urh!
i want pizza, i miss pizza day yesterday coz of my bloody black mood :(
i want sushi, havent got the chance to visit the malls...
i want donut, if only i didnt bother about my health...
i want prata, waiting for the next eat-out-at-coffeeshop during break...
i want beach, if only im fair enough to go tanning for that bronze look... :(
i want drums, if only i have my own home!
i want to go clubbing, havent gone for a long while ~_o...
i want more freedom, to do whatever i like urh!
i want to go home for shopping, if only i got my own easy-earned-cash!
i want my dickies fleece, you guys!


die arh! havent cleaned my room and my cuzzins will be here in less than 24hours! i hate, i hate! postpone arh shia! i lazy...
okaye bye.

dummee

and finally, after a few more shitty sheyts, i finally lost my mood for anything.
im sure nobody likes to go through the bloody transition from having that jolly face to that fucked up fuckface...

i have been patient for the past few weeks, not minding the things happening to me. but today, in the middle of ..., i just totally lost it...
geez. i contribute something and suddenly, its like bein dumped in the stinking dustbin and like all my efforts are just bein walked over. ewww. ~_o



ive been a supportive member yet i feel invincible...
ive somehow felt that i was being...dominant towards opinions? but only because i felt that what was being said was unreasonable. im sure its not wrong to guide one another even if one is of a lower position? hmmm...and talk about "openness"...gee [rolls eyes]

ive been a good friend yet i feel neglected... :'(
iunno but i just feel this way. i guess because im used to being pampered much and when i see the attention that i used to receive has died down, thats where i feel down.



and despite being the carefree person that i am, i do get very affected still...and the thing i hate is investing my trust, care and openness to certain people i thought will treasure it but i always feel its just being thrown aside :( sigh. if i show the "heckcare" face, youll all think i dont care[heartless], if i show care and concern, you all dont acknowledge...like...WTF...
fine ar, i may as well just be like that all the way lar. the me-no-care attitude. nahbei.

wed the weather

sun sends glimmer...
delivering remarkably fantabulous colors in our beautiful sky
with big white cotton candies...floating freely
while birds enjoy the free gargantuan space;
perfect for skygazing at the beach.
then comes the zephyr nights,
til the wee small hours
trees swaying to the rhythm of the breeze;
perfect for stargazing.
even better if with aurora and shooting stars...

mmm...grasp the beauty of nature...
yyyep, im lovin the weather; mornings til late afternoon [then weather goes bonkers around 3-5] and finally love it again in the evenings til late afternoons and the cycle reiterates.


it takes away your heavy thoughts...although sometimes it also makes you wonder what waste it is cuz you cant fully relish the beautiful weather with thoughts drilling your system...gee-whee.
ouh well, just take it all in...
yezah!



nice to got to go home with leilei today, teehee

senior stundentzen again...

first day of senior year...
didnt get a good sleep, woke up at the time when im supposed to be on my way to school, had to have a rushing bath, didnt get to iron hair -_-", had to take a cab, got stuck in a blowdy jam, squandered 20bux just for waking up late, screwed up in the performance and PANDA EYES. lol.

emmm, happy moments? the lil sistaz and bros [ive gotten to know during the holidays for the dance]; inspire club la...first lesson with soong, where the moment dada and i walked into the quiet classroom, became raucous [thanks to us lah, see their faces so dull, eeeyer, heehee], emmm, the chilling at foyer with former class and IC, some girl-talk on the way to bustop, lunch and eventually pool-ing.
emmm, its the laughter, really.

daaah, thats my first day of senior year la. ouh and home and dinner and TV of course, duhh.
taaahhhaaa...
kaye, bye beytch! [hope not gombie late tomarrah again, lerrr]

lets just work it up ;)

hi...
okaye, let me be a lil serious here...heehee...[okaye, the cheekiness cant be helped]

so yeah,
when jojo found out on thurs, about the class shes gon be in, the second name she looked for was leileis...
iunno, and not that i didnt care about the rest, but i guess coz hes the only person that kept telling me that we should be in the same class this year.
and when i didnt see his name, i got a lil down; and i was kinda wondering the whole day, whether or not to let him know, or for him to just find out on his own...[emm, is that considered as selfishness?] i just really didnt know how to tell him; i mean i myself was sad, so twas kinda hard to even tell you myself...sigh. and yeah, i was already missing my moments with my leiling; my going-home buddy, his lending of fleece, waiting-buddy, etc. bottomline: hes one of the few people i kinda deeply depended on almost everything the whole school year. and to weigh it in, hes done the most for me in school, heehee. awwwww...bet youll be youve been tearing by since junnow. haha.


but of course, on the contrary, i was happy to see the rest of the 1D in the same class. emm, weeee for that... "weeeee..."
ive got a whole list of classmates to thank for. but emmm, alot laaa. then by the time you start reading the next word youll be like "zzzzz"-ing already... ~_o budden later i dont mention your the names, you gimme face lidat...walenn. dilemma siooo... aiyah. HECK ar. as long as im really thankful for all the help you guys have given the class; most especially, jojo. and i really mean it from the bottom of my broken fixed heart, okaye... deh...

aaaanyways, regarding this case, im really hoping that the people who said they wanna help leiling out, will really give time to help him out.

but you know what, like i said, if this doesnt work, then at least we did our best; we fought, and the only thing we can do, is accept what we are given, and even if we may not like it, lets just make something out of what we are "assigned"/"dumped" to. and who knows, we may actually be better at that than what we thought we could be better at. this may be our path to success; destiny. sometimes after fighting for something, we realize we cannot force ourselves in some-thing/where/place that we dont belong to. He may have better plans for us. trust Him. this goes out to those appealing and generally...everybody [lets all apply this in our lives]


and after all that...
"hyeaw baibeyy"
teehee...

high with anger and excitement ~_O ?

im feeling
fuckingfuckedupangrymadshittypissedagitatedannoyedfuriouscrossedinfuriatedlividirateheatedoutragedirritated...
and i havent the slightest idea why... :|

fucking cheeken ar dey!!! i just feel like throwing my frustration at any of you...
like...just beat the rap out of you...
like really trash your face with any thing...until i cant recognize you.
geez la..i sound so the mofreaking cruel la...
wtf...

sorry ar...lol.


omg! wait...i think i have a reason why!!! that
motherfuckingfuckfuckershitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertitsfartterdandtwat
CHIKOPEH shiaaaa!!! [inside the train, fyi]
i wasnt even wearing skimpily AT ALL!!! and the way he motherfucking stared was like he was stripping my clothes off with the his naked eyeS...*gross*
naaaaarbeiii! i almost wanted to slap and kick his fucking face and ballsanddickies! i wonder if he even had any! its like !@#$%^(*&^%$...seriously...geeeez!
ouh...but at least i cussed at him loudly and pointed the magic finger...*dadddaaaa*
laaaa, wait til something grows IN your motherfucking eyes. heeehee!
*thanks dada for covering? me and cussing at him too*



and after all that...that really isnt the reason...i just felt like cussing...hahaha!!!
but yeah, that inci really did remind me that its part of the cussing, haha, buhgeez..


okaye, the real thing is...
im just pretty fucked up that im unable to do my freakin resposibilities at home :(
ALL the FOUR of us are really so freaking busy we dont even have time to wash the dishes, hang the clothes, clean the house; especially my room. and its mom whos gotta do all these on her off day; today [thursday, for this week].
and the fucking thing is my cousin just gave birth, schools starting on monday, relatives coming over here for their summer vacation which means all the four of us will be so freakingbloody busy attending to them i bet well hardly even talk unless of course asked to do chores or run errands.
siao bo! lidis how to concentrate on studies? i so totally suck like shit already...
i havent even done my self-project! like FUCK ar! kambingbabicheekenbeefturtlefrogliontigermonkey...i-dunno-what-oreadi!
sigh. if only im given superpowers...all the powers of every hero made up in this world. wooohooo!
all but anything about death. heeehee.
okaye, im like getting sofa king lame.

ok larrrr, BYE ar!

foooh...

i can already envisage my getting sick from fatigue-ness/fatigue-ity/fatigue-ation, lol.
these past few weeks has already been a tiring one, let alone this comin weekS - its gonna probably be a hell one.

and note! that this isnt just a sitting-down-cramming-your-head-off-the-whole-day thing,
its a moving-about-with-freaking-full-energy-all-day-long thing.
its not just focused on one event...but four - for me.
and those are my commitments, that doesnt yet include my commitments here at home; chores and my room, my personal time off; chilling, watching TV, eating, going online, family; and of course, academically, my studies.
and all of that, can mean "back-to-2or3hours-of-sleep-a-day".

hmmm, the next few weeks youll probably call me an "anorexic emaciated zombie".
my lifes gonna be like this for at least a month more. hell-week month
like *&%^$#@$&*%^$#@$%^&*^%$#, seriously.
and the thing i dread is, cramming so much in just a freakingfuckingasstardshitpiss week [this week] that when the day comes, everything we worked hard for, will just go down the s-melly drain sewer! sheytzo...it better not happen.

m-ass-age mee

updateyyy!
jojos in pain...muscle ache-ish! i cannot bend down anymore. :(
yesterdays practice without warming up plus usin the gym equipments even for a while did me baddde...
awww...

anyways, ive been workin out since mawnin til now, heehee. so yeshhaaa, im bathing in sweat! yeah babyyy! okaye, check back later! kwang kwang kwang!

ouh and i hope saturday wont rain...

fooly

BOOOOO!
first of all,
belated gweetings to sam, cuzzie jen, cuzzie john paul and leiling, though ive already greeted em.
advance gweetings to cuzzie adrianne, cha, nunu and whoever is gonna celebwate their birfday...sheeez...

jojo went for dance pwactice junnow...the-then she went for her appointment at Bonafides and
cut-ted her precious ugly hair...yeah babby...ive been bonafide by the one and only bonafide Bonfides. [wahsehh. emmm, wonder if the guy complained from the perspiring smell i had, heehee. but i bet not lah, coz i didnt smell that bad! uhh, right, right?]
well, uh, anyways, of course, my hair is d-ry and rough because it all started...once upon a time, long long time ago, when i was in pri4, i started putting Wella on my hair everyfreakingday that even if there was no Wella, id look for gel...up until pri6, then sec2 when i made my hair jappy and "gatsby...gatsby...gatsby...gatsby..." wax came, used that evewiday til...i dont know when. but i know sec3-5 or 4-5 i was wax-free already...lol. and then...
TADDAAAAA....my hair became like this now! awwww, poor me :( but its okaye.

anyway, wanted to take bday boy leilei out for kfc but i was just dead beat from all the dancing and the walking and the bloodyfuckingfuckingbloody standing - all the way, nahbeiii...[i still have weak bones you know! and yea, i already drank milk, so shuup...] but mommy called me for pizzaing instead, so i had to push my leiling thought aside, haha.

aaanyway, i fooled my sammy just now! huahauhua...dumbass...weeeee. im shoooo happeeee...hes the first one though. maybe ill continue tomorrow. huahuahua.

to ewibordy, happy apwil fools' day
and HAPPY FOOOLING, foools...