*thinkin of a title*

Heyya.
……
…
..
Sigh.

I haven’t been gettin’ the spur to pen down my thoughts since I got here. Hence the barrenness of this blog :(
The posts I had were mainly superfluously rants and raves.
And how grating it is that I have so much in mind whenever I am planning to post something on a red-letter day.
Then on that occasion itself, I lose the stimulation.
[or maybe I have ne’er really written anything worthwhile?]
:’(

Aaanyw-hatever…what’s a good way to start your morning to do your assignments with the undesirable setting you’re at [shared-room-with-relatives-comin’-in-and-out -from-time-to-time & the earsplitting-noises-of-neighbours’-karaoke-ings] ?

Have your own world!
Requirements:
- “in-ear” earphones [good for blockin’ external noises]
- music/radio

Though… music kinda bores me and doesn’t really help focus.
Radio would be better.
Y’know…how you just need to absorb some infos DJs share on air before reluctantly starting your work? And a good icebreaker in the Mawnin [when you’re all still yawnin’ and stretchin’ not-ready-to-do-your-work]…is hearin’ some out-of-this-world topics.
It’s pretty cool in herre somehow that DJs do talk about sex. Hahaha. Like y’know, how females fa…n-nevermind. We’ll get to talk about this when we meet, definitely! ;P hahahaha!!!

Another topic I just heard this Mawnin’ was about destroying the toilet by your ablutions! And that even DJs[male] do the haphazard: defecate-and-run in the public; be it hotel or malls!
One caller had a 300lb friend ripped the washroom! They were talkin’ about how amazing HEAVY people usually get when they need to excrete. Hahaha.
So this guy and his friends were gonna chill at this BIG guy’s crib when BIG guy felt the urge to expel. They reached his BIG house finally and his friends had to clear the way for BIG guy to enter the house and dash to the lavatory. But before he even got to fully pull down his pants in just a matter of a second, he jetted the THREE WALLS of the toilet with his poop! Wooooh! How Fun! Hehe. And how true it is when our thingies have this 6th sense of opening their doors to flush out our solid/liquid wastes when the washroom’s near. They somehow have this sense that “ouh…I can feel it…the toilet’s near! I’m expelliiing!” hahaha.
Creases me up hearin’ sordid stuff on air. Teehee.



Haaaaaaaah…..and there! With all that, I’ve not finished my work! ;P

Hmmm, ouh great! I’ve posted some crappy shit again! Hahaha! There’s deficiency in my post though…
Okaye!!! I declare!
I’m just not a good writer in the way I wanna be ;’(
But I did get to share my heart and mind out ;) and ‘t matters, ya suckazzz…. ;P [pbbbbbt!!!]

Over ‘n out!


DJs at the Sinulog Festival with full of Korean tourists.
*DJ waves at the Korean* and vice versa.
Female DJ: teach me Korean! teach me Korean!
Male Korean: *excited and smiles*okaye, okaye.
Korean: cha-gi-yah!
Korean: cha-gi-yah! cha-gi-yah!
DJ: cha-gi-yah!....cha-gi-yah! cha-gi-yah!
Korean: cha-gi-yah you! cha-gi-yah me!
DJ: *nods and beams* cha-gi-yah you! cha-gi-yah me!

Female DJ later finds out cha-gi-yah[idk the correct spelling] means ‘let’s get married’. It’s kinda foolish for her to be nodding at the Korean while repeating his words… ;P

s-tuck-mmer

………………………

…………

……………………………

……………


………………bein’ castigated……?

i came back here knowin’ i had to sacrifice the life i used to live; leave the people i love, grew up with, and growin’ up with……

puttin’ those aside and letting optimism take over…
tellin’ myself that i’ll spend the summer back home every year…

i had so much hope and expectation that there is certainty it’ll happen…

until he had to smash the only fucking thing i have; the elation that i’ve been holding on to…
all was set and has been prepared for…
but he had to cut it off…

the moment i read the very disheartening response from our supposedly happy convo…
my chest tightened and tears didn’t just rolled down…i burst out crying…


do you know the feelin’ of goin’ to school, wonderin’ who really cares for you? who would chat you up, and would wanna go home with you because they wanna be your friend?
the feeling of them not talkin’ to you unless you talk to them?
and how much you would wanna go home just to live through the good times you had just for awhile?

and now that it’s not gonna happen…i don’t fucking see the fucking reason for
staying opti-fucking-mistic!
it’s all just pretense. i never gained anything from being optimistic…

i don’t have anyone here to open up to. everyone needs a friend to open up to and
i just need one…here.
the only people that care about me are not with me. who else can i run to when i need someone to talk to in person?

lonesomeness in this place has gotten me hospitalized and fallen sick many times.
i’m sorry i’m emotionally weak.


i just don’t wanna spend the summer being stuck here.
i’ve waited for a miracle to happen for years…nothin’s happened.

i don’t wanna hope and expect anymore. i’ve had it.



it’s all just crap.






but thank you baby and babe…i’d be thankful if you guys are right…

rant #456234132409654534

doooo!!!-de!!!
how the fuck are you guys?!
i fuckin' missed ya'll!
lol.

hmm, 2nd semester and it's already gettin' tough.
school's gettin' more and more demanding!
sigh.
imagine quizzes after quizzes e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y!
sick in the head!
gotta know [but in many cases (especially mine), MEMORIZE] lotssa sheyts for quizzes.
[fyi, quizzes by the way contributes alot to the final gradings]

even if my sched's not so loaded at school [in accordance with my timetable below], i still barely find time for myself cuz i got responsibilities here at home as well!
how sick is that?

if i'm at HOME, mom wouldn't mind the mess she finds when she arrives home from work when she knows how fuckin' engaged i am at school stuff.
*sigh*
sacrifices sacrifices.




iiiiii knoooowwww...
all i ever do is rant whenever i blog! but what to do sia.
when i'm all jolly, i'm either not inspired to write or simply can't squeeze writing in my uneventful hectic life!
that! is! outrageously! ludicrous!




:'(
i just wanna be close to you...*singin'* [more like goin' crazy]




ouh help me Lord Jesus...
strengthen my frail heart...and mind? and definitely body...
that i may overcome these crapness i'm dealin' with...
thank you.
amen.



HOLLA to my chums back 'ome.
i yearn for every single soul and i wish to MEET you guys when i come VISIT.
remember to treasure your nearest and dearest...
make time for meet-ups and don't just meet for occasions like when they're dead and you attend their wake. JEEZ!


and to wrap this up,

i love you.

PS. new layout soon when i find time ;)

carry on

boo!!!
i miss bloggggy.
heehee.
end of semestral break.
beginnin' of 2nd semster....
3.5 years to go or 7 semesters to go!
*phew*...
long way to go? this is the time i want time to fly faster...

pictures pictures are posted on facebook...
ejoy your life guys! take care.

never been this sick.

hello guys!
heehee.
i miss u! and u! and u! and u! and u! and u! and u! and u! and u! and u!
lol.

hmm...by the way, it's been a month or so that i found out about my sickness...
it's...hyperthyroidism.

i just pray i will get well. along with the others who are sick.
just have FAITH in God...He will take care of us. Things don't just happen for no reason ;)
pray not only for youselves. but LET US PRAY for all of us.
trust.believe.
have faith.

AMEN.



~~~
sem break's ending :(
mon and tue enrollment
wed onwards...fucked up school...SHEEESH!
i want longer break!!!
teehee.

jahkidden'

okaye...'yam OUT.

quick updates!

boo!
i miss you blog!
been motherfuckin' busy like fuck.
loadssa things've happened.

school has been fuckingly traumatic.
hmm, im still determined to get this fuck shit over with and go back home.
i wanna see you guys badly.
i hope my schedule will allow me to meet those who 'craves' for me.

so what's been up with me since my last post?
hmm, michael and i are finally legal through my folks and my relatives!
how fun izzat?
they say he's cute and handsome and all.
hah.
ouhwell.
of course i feel lighter and ecstatic to hear they support me and all.
i mean...
more freedom...unlike befo' when i had to fucking hide things from 'em...it's fucking tough.
but now i can move about freely...

mom visited bro and i from 22 oct to 3 nov. i had fun. i miss mom. her tender lovin' care. i miss them badly... :(
treasure your loved ones guys...it's hard to be away from em.

ouhwell.
friends...
i've made amigos and amigas here.
but...
sometimes it's tough to understand em cuzza the language barrier? my being an amateur in Filipino language?
ouhwell.

here's an example:
we were at some place in school just beside the Dean's office. we com sci students were chillin' with the EEd students when adet whispered somethin' to me...

adet: joanne, do you know anyone with the surname of "hindutan"?
me: ???
it sounded like a malay word and i was curious...so being the normal joanne...i asked loudly.
me: HEY! WHAT DOES HINDUTAN MEAN?!...
everyone laughed and adet stroked me! and i was like what the ffff...why were they laughin at me?! i asked them one by one but they just kept laughin' at me. so i asked again and again until i got the answer...only to find out it meant "sexual intercourse"...lol.
i thought it was just a normal wholesome word. there they made fun of me. lol. luckily the dean wasn't there.

rapper...

Hello guys…how’s everyone? Hehe… I hope you guys are okaye…
Well as I write this out from a piecca paper, I’m here alone in the kitchen since 7...it’s already 8 and everyone’s been in the livin’ room right after dinner watchin’ TV.

Hmmm, I don’t know how you’d feel...being in a place you thought you’d feel welcome…
I remember when I was still in SG…& every time mom would call here, my cousins here were always eager to talk to me & would always say,

“Hey, when are you comin’ back here?”
“Why don’t you just study here?”
“Come back here already! You study here and we’ll take care of you…”

& now that I’m here… I hear bangin’ of things, complaints of…
I guess me bein’ an…extra…burden?
& most of all, bein’ used as a comparison…&regarding me as an “ibang tao” (OTHER people)…
Here’s one:

“Gramms, why is it that I’ve never heard you stop me from doin’ things or chores? I’ve been washing and doin’ chores the whole day & now I’m still washin’ the dishes…yet you don’t even stop me…,unlike OTHER people there, always so concerned with...always askin' me to help out whenever she does things.”

Cuz here’s the thing, whenever Gramms sees me, she’d always get concerned & would say,

“have you eaten? Go & eat...”
“rest your eyes”
“Hoi, help out here, Joanne’s alone washin’ the dishes…”

& she would always offer me food…if I say “I don’t want”, she’d still put the food beside me…

My cousins get jealous…I dig that…even my aunt...she regards me as “favourite grandchild from the favourite child (MOM)” (she's jealous with mom)
On the whole, we’re Gramms favourite…she adores my DAD, MOM, bro and I.
I feel flattered…but I guess in their freakin corrupted minds, it’s hard to accept & it hurts them cuz they’ve been livin’ with Gramms ever since…took care of her & stuff yet she favours us more…
& with that, I’m adjudged “OTHER people” by the cousin who was the one who kept wanting me to come back here…SIGH…

It’s no wonder why DAD decided to settle down somewhere FAR from family to avert disputes…

I had a recent (last thursday or friday) serious squabble with a cousin who once went to SG on 2007…I NEVER expected to ruin a relationship with anyone here…but ouh well…
I will never let my guard down & give in to anyone whom I think abuses their authority…this elder cousin thinks she’s older than me therefore I won’t fight back..but too bad…I’m not stupid to just keep quiet…I fought back for my rights.
My aunt, unc, cousins, Gramms witnessed the “RAP BATTLE” with the tone & rhythm gone?, even the elders couldn’t stop us…
& there...all-is-ruined…so yeah…
frankly, they already ruined my trust when they told my secrets to MOM when i went back here for vacation...i gave them a chance and treated them like nothin' happened until this...

Ergo, that’s my current life…
FUN ey???
I know my limits…I STILL respect…unlike such people who only depended on aunt & mom to finish education…yet developed such a fucking high-handed attitude, it’s really fucked up.

imprisoned in dungeon....

Hey Blo!

How’ve you been?!
it’s been like…FOREVER!
I missed writing…
with truckloadssa experiences or stories to share…iunno where to start…

Well, first and foremost…
I MISS my LIFE in SINGAPORE…
“One’ll never really appreciate or see the importance of the life he’s living until he loses it”
it’s so hard to let go…so tough to move on…
iunno…I feel so alone even when I’m surrounded with my own relatives. It’s just so different..well here I go again ranting…but where else can I emancipate the heavy emotions I’m carryin? Sometimes I just cry it out but I don’t find it enough. I thought I’d find someone whom I can release it to…
but…
lately I realized that it doesn’t all the time work? That people also have a capacity of enduring your rants? That they don’t always listen anymore?

Eventually, we are on our own…you know that I’ve felt this way before…
[when someone finds a confidant who will not only be there for you but also listen to you and suddenly loses interest…leaving you alone…then you find someone new and you thought they’re the one you’re lookin for?]
I didn’t realize that there really is a LIMIT to everything…people get tired of things; we get tired of people as well…

What about you computer? Do you also have a limitation on ‘listening’ to people’s rant? Do you just shut down on them when you ‘feel’ or ‘think’ it’s just another outburst…or prevent them from typing their kvetches? I suppose not cuz you have no feelings nor IQ…you’re simply an Artificial Intelligence where we users output certain things; even our deluges to you…

I force myself to be happy just to survive my 24hours and I do it 24/7…
I’m fucked up because everything that I do here has a limit. I don’t have time for myself anymore. I try to find peace but there’s always ‘war’…it’s just freakin inevitable ..i don’t connect with the people I live stay with. SICK. I hope tomorrow’s 2014…so I could depart the place I’m at. I thought I’ve escaped the prison…but THIS is THE prison…not the one I thought I was in…

I kept laughing it out, tellin myself it’ll be okaye…that I’ll be fine…
but there I go…foolin’ myself over and over…

All the best, Joanne. May you survive the obstacles and make it out of prison 5years later in ‘one piece’. God Bless and may your mind be in peace…YEAH YEAH…*rolls eyes*

pandemic

Hey guys!!!
How’re things goin’?
So many things’ve happened…

~~~~~~~~~
on Monday, I was on the way to school…and I was smsing…
suddenly my friend smsed…[convo translated to singlish]

Cez: “hey kak, if got no school, we go out kaye?”
Me: “yea, sure sure…but when the next holiday come sia…school just start and the next holiday is on October…”
Cez: “yea…but today can go what…today no school…”

And I was 0,0???…
well at first I kept wishin’ that classes will be cancelled or there’ll be no classes the next day but duhhh… impossible…
when I received the message I wanted to turn back and go home but since I was skeptical, I wanted to find out for myself.
outside the school I saw my batchmates chillin’ at the ‘karendirya’? talkin’ about the rumored rumor…
the guard confirmed that there’s still classes for College students…GEEZ.
so went for first and second class then a general assembly…
Supposedly school will resume this coming Monday but the next day, I received a message from a batchmate that read:

“FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL CANOSSIANS: DOH is not alowing us to suspend clases 4 only 5 days so college will resume classes on july 16 pls pass ths mssg…”

The message is also incredulous…and until now, I don’t have affirmation whether or not it’s true. But ouh well!!! guess there really ain’t any…heehee.
by the way, the reason's there's 2 cases of H1N1 in Canossa High School

~~~~~~~~~
I’ve applied for my own internet on Wednesday by the way…
just waiting for them to call back for us to pick up the modem, etc.

~~~~~~~~~
Hmmm, on the HEAVIER side, my gramms haven’t been recovering from the sickness she got from Couz Rich who went to Manila weeks ago…her fever’s been on and off and on again until last night, we really had to send her to the hospital.
We’ve been wanting to send her but aunt have no money already…
uncle Boy worked in Singapore before then to other countries and lately in Brunei…his family resides in the US and they’ve really a stable life until both his folks passed away few years ago then followed by this year, unc was stroked at work in Brunei on March…and had to come back here
so imagine, until now, they’ve no income. their kids are currently depending on our parents and unc’s siblings for our living :(
and gramms NEVER usually complain any pain she feels even if she looked ever so sick already until last few days ago…
And since I got here, we’ve been ‘visiting’ the hospital often.
MAY= jean and I
JUNE= unc Boy
JULY= gramms
SIGH.
I just PRAY she gets well very soon. It’s really not the time because He knows I still have that dream for our family with gramms…

~~~~~~~~~
LASTLY, do you believe people change? People forgive? I may not forget the past. The pain I went through.
And it took me more than a year to get over…and when you’re in the healing process you can’t control havin’ anger or hold grudges over someone who wronged you…
But because I’m PURELY healed, I now do not hold any grudges on the past, and that means all the things I execrate is all GONE and dispose of.
It was just a small gesture of forgiveness and that’s through accepting the friend request. It doesn’t mean anything else. YES, I’ve said and done things BEFORE but I was in rage…
now that I’m in peace with you[Kelo] I don’t see how accepting a request can make me dubious.
If you’re really a good person, you will forgive people who wronged you or your loved one but that doesn’t mean you can be fooled by them again.
RUMINATE on your own attitude and personality.
If you wanna doubt on me, go ‘head. I won’t say anymore. I won’t defend myself. But do know that GOD knows the truth and I shouldn’t worry on what you will say ABOUT me.
May takot ako sa Diyos and because I’ve changed for the better, I sure do know how it feels like to be bad and the karma it repays. Kaya reflect on what you’re thinkin’ about me.

look-alikes.

Gu’afnoon peeps!
How’s life been?
School’s been a…mediocre…
That’s my latest timetable.
It may seem a cool timing but it’s really strenuous.
I MUST wake up at 8 for breakfast and you can sleep again if you want but it’s so hard to sleep already cuz of the noise…sheesh.
I can barely sleep at gramm’s cuz there are only two rooms, and there are 8 of us staying there. Gramm-gramm and couz Rich sleep at one room while aunt, uncle and couz jake sleep at the other, couz JB, Jean and I sleep in the living room. They wake up at 5 so you can imagine how hard it is to sleep. Sigh. so this week, I slept here at the other house, where I can sleep in the Master’s bedroom and no one bugs me.

It’s so wearing when you go home at 7, [I walk from school to jeep terminal of Sta Cruz; equivalent to walking from home to maybe BPP? Or BP LRT] and having to wake up a lil earlier the next day to study for quizzes; which we have every after lesson. On our vacant times, we stay at school and laze around… [I miss lazing around with ITE peeps sleeping at the foyer/café/canteen/Vivo] I guess every move I make here makes me compare with what I used to do in SG…can’t be helped.
And people-watch!!!
Something I love doin’…which by the way leads me to identifying certain classmates/schoolmates havin’ look-alikes of someone I know in SG!

Mark A. [Izzdin]
Lou [Perdana although Lou’s an exact opposite of Perd]
Vice [Shahir]
Raymond [Kiki]
Angelika [Ciej]
Eleine [Sabby+Yunis]
Shayne [Sanny]
Nycka[Aada]

I think got a few more I just can’t recall. Hehe. Kinda weird but funny. Ouh well.

So can I cope with studies? I don’t know.
You go home at 7, reach home at 8…
dinner, read/watch tv while resting my body before showering,
sleep at 11 then wake up at 7 or 8 for breakfast, bath, study before going school…quiz…zzz…hai….

I joined Dance Club by the way… hahaha. Wanted to switch to Band Club but…lazy sia. Ouh! I didn’t go for practice on Friday sia. The thing is…on Thursday during our meeting, she specifically categorized us [new members] as Dance Club and the old ‘uns as Dance Company. SHEESH! The teacher so strict summor about attendance. Like *toot*. But ouh well, who the fuck cares.

I already have a BFF teacher…hahaha. Diaz. She’s my Management and Math teacher. She’s a dumb dumb. She talks so much but she’s got no brains. There’s so many incidents that’s happened. Thing’s she’s in the wrong, a student/the students correct her, she gets embarrasses, scolds us ~;~…how unreasonable can she get?! Geez. IDIOT.

Anyway, I miss you guys. ;-) muah!

*Tag me guys…at least just tell me what you guys are doin’…study/work/NS/etc k?! muah! Love you!*